Well, kind of. I was just trying to make the title catchy.
LA's been a blast, and it was so nice seeing everyone, being home with family and the cat, going to DISNEYLAND and having the time of my life, going bowling, purikura-taking, eating Chinese food, having drinks with old friends, going on random drives....
The list goes on.
Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading! I fly back to Honolulu on Saturday the 3rd...and I won't be back in LA most likely until August.
Much love!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
From the plane, 11/30 (brace yourself)
Sitting on the plane back to Honolulu, I read my magazines – the ones I spent nearly $15 on – to keep myself company, since my money was stored away in the overhead cabin 2 or 3 rows away, way out of reach without inconveniencing the other passengers, and I couldn't buy a pair of 2 dollar headphones. (I’m sure the kindly gentleman in seat 23D didn’t appreciate my torso in his face when I put my bag up there to begin with.)
I read about Michelle Rhee, the chancellor or superintendent of public education in DC, and about MIA as an artist and revolutionary. Both with very different stories, doing completely different things, but sharing the goal of subversion. Rhee, with her attack on the school system in ways that both alienated and excited education proponents, and MIA, with her family activist background, unusual sound, and determined character that led to her success as a South Asian female rapper.
I thought back to my conversation with Viet about this – “subversion.” It’s the age- old question of, do we keep fighting the system, or do we just learn to work within it?
And then it led me to my own life, and my own passions about my community, about my politics and my own convictions. Different people take action in different ways – Michelle Rhee by just doing, without caring about what anyone else says, and MIA through her music. They both though, are working within the system to try and break it down.
What is my own way of breaking down the system? My own way of taking action? And why the hell do I care so much?
I definitely consider myself significantly privileged, in my everyday life – in education, materialistically, financially, even at home. I’ve had a good education thus far and have the resources to continue onto law school like I plan (knock on wood), just got a new macbook, can make just enough money to get by with parental backup as an option if not, and my family is the shit. I appreciated them before while I was in college, but I love them all the more now that I’m away in Hawaii.
The two women I just read about came from intense immigrant backgrounds and lived through some degree of intense hardship and struggle.
But then again, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I was born and raised in Boyle Heights, Los Angeles, on a street called Breed right by First and Soto streets. My parents are 14 years apart in age, my father my mother’s senior, and I only vaguely remember growing up in that house as a baby, with the vomit-green carpet and matching curtains. From watching home videos of myself and my sister growing up, I remember that I was pretty jealous of my sister when she was born, getting all the attention as a baby and all that. My mother had doted on me like crazy, being the first-born daughter that could read Dr. Seuss smoothly by the age of 2. But of course things change when a newer, cuter baby is born into the family.
Still, my parents did a good job of raising us without all that potential emotional baggage that can seep into a family’s history and subconscious.
Boyle Heights was an unforgivingly impoverished neighborhood, and it deprived our family of days out at the park, learning how to ride our bikes or run around and play ball with the neighborhood kids. Instead, my sister and I never learned how to ride bikes, and walking a block away was dangerous. We lived in something like fear, of the neighborhood gangs and drug dealing, and the occasional gunshots that would ring out in the middle of the night. Homeless folk would wander into our backyard and camp out there until my dad would scare them off with the katana (samurai swords) he owned. We were burglared a few times, but escaped any bodily harm, those 19 years we lived there. We even hated our neighbors.
In kindergarten I also attended the local school, Breed Street School, only a 2 minute walk from home. I have fond memories of that school, as the only Asian American kid (though of course I had no clue at the time) who unknowingly picked up the Spanish-accented English the other children spoke. I still made good friends, had fun, read books and stories to my classmates as the only kid who could read. It was thanks to my mom’s dedication to education that I moved on, later, in second grade, to a better-equipped magnet school.
Although an elementary school kid could never know it at the time, growing up we were in the lower middle class bracket. We had some nice things, but mostly not; with my dad working as a cook and my mom staying home, there wasn’t a whole lot that we could afford, especially in the way of luxuries. My mom started work, while I was in elementary school, actually, as a legal secretary for a family law firm. That helped out with income a bit.
I was of course, never the popular kid in school, though I rarely had self-esteem issues. Looking back I would describe myself as a confident, semi-awkwardly dressed, sometimes awkward-acting, outgoing glasses-wearing kid who was never liked by boys in THAT way, but I never had a shortage of good friends. Save the glasses part, I would say I haven’t changed much, though I am much more picky about my fashionable appearance these days.
But then, somewhere in the middle school-high school years, my mom made the decision to start going to law school. As a motivated, former straight-A student who had graduated from UCLA with a BS in Microbiology, she decided she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life as a dead-end legal secretary. She wanted to pursue success on the next level, and with so many years at that firm under her belt, law school seemed like the best answer. My dad, knowing it would take a toll on our family life, not having Mom around, and even worse, strain our financial situation significantly, still backed her 110%. If only we could all find supportive and loving men like that.
So law school began, and so did mom’s time away from home. She was rarely around anymore, and this was tough, since she was the one who raised my sister and myself. Helped us with our homework, all of that kind of thing. Amazingly, she still found time to do most of it. Dad is more of the silent parent type, and I admit, sis and I had a bit of an awkward time getting to know him better during that time, but it was good for us, as our relationship is happy and much stronger now.
To add to the emotional stress of not having mom around much anymore, we had to deal with the reality of not being able to afford all of the everyday luxuries we take for granted now. We had to eat at home all the time, couldn’t afford a night out at the movie theatres, had to cut out a lot of the comforts of life. I just remember being stressed out and angry at my parents for everything. It was doubly a rough time – not only was the family having a hard time, but I was right at the peak of my adolescent hormonal angst. High school was definitely a rough time, in too many ways to explain.
But the one rough thing about high school that I can look back on now, and the thing I tell people the most when they ask about how I got so involved in community work, is that I swore that I hated Japanese Americans as a people, as my kind. Although I knew perfectly well and would admit that it was a part of my ethnic identity, the JA kids I was around just didn’t do it for me. I thought they were dumb, vapid, and a waste of my time. I also had a complex from being at a high school program called “The Highly Gifted Magnet.” As ridiculous as it may sound, it was rough being labeled the “smart kid” at school by the other kids – in band, other classes, and so on. And triple that from the fact that I was an Asian American girl.
Although, I guess it wasn’t really THAT rough, given that I was to some extent, the overachieving student – more so in earlier years than in high school, since I got a C in AP Calculus my junior year…but then again, I was in AP Calculus to begin with, and it was my first C ever – and did well because in a lot of ways I did fit the stereotype. I was even nice to everyone and glad to avoid any negative confrontations.
So that was high school - anger, bitterness, money problems, good and bad grades, and then here come college admissions. Despite being the top 5% of the entire senior class, I was rejected from all of the colleges I applied to, save UCLA. To add insult to injury, I had applied mostly to schools back East because I was so eager to get away from home and make it on my own – I was so angry at my family for everything (though they did nothing to cause my stress). But here I was, stuck in LA, just a half hour from home, and I was angry at the world.
But as most of you know, college changed my life. Shaped my politics, made me want to flip off the Man, hate white people, all that sort of thing. And during my junior year of college, my mom graduated from law school and was lucky enough to find a six-figure income law firm job.
Everyone told me then, how lucky I was that Mom was such a great woman, working part time while still going to law school part time (yeah, did I forget to mention that? As if law school at almost 40 weren’t amazing enough), and with a family at that! I guess I didn’t really know it then, but it is incredible, what she and my dad did. Held it together, and all for a better future – for our whole family.
Maybe it’s because I’m a compassionate being, or maybe it’s because somewhere, deep down inside – despite not having made an explicit connection – I do identify with these families, communities, people who suffer these kinds of hardships everyday, that I care so much about, well, our society.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with me – maybe it’s just how any normal person would react if they knew the truth about our ridiculous world.
Like taking the red pill, right?
But I do now understand, with more clarity and appreciation than ever, that everything I can do now is all in thanks to my parents – to the ones who came before me. My story isn’t one of first generation immigration, of extreme hardship or financial everyday struggle, like MIA or other went through, but it is one of privilege, of privilege that I now have because of what a young, impoverished naïve girl from Gardena, and an accomplished kendoist who cooks as a career were able to create when they made the decision to start a family. They created a secure, loving, and stable environment – one that, despite lacking large amounts of money, gave birth to me, and my sister – the headed-for-success fashion designer.
It is also true, that this generation has the capacity for something great. And let this be a prophecy that I put down now, on digital paper – that there is something great coming, and we will be a part of it. Never mind the cliché of change, it’s coming, blah blah blah – I know Obama is undeniably a part of it – but it is genuinely a feeling in my gut that I can’t shake off. Despite being somewhat politically stagnant in Hawaii, I feel like it’s the calm before the storm.
Something is coming.
I didn’t mean for this to become some sort of common Asian American activist piece – I must admit, although I’m glad we can all have moments of clarity about our ancestral accomplishments, identity, and all that sort of thing, it is getting kind of tired – but you know, sometimes the thoughts just flood my brain and I need to write it down, in case some rhetoric gem is wasted by my failure to grab some paper and record it. It also doesn’t help that I’m stuck on this 5 hour flight with the lights out, and no headphones because I couldn’t get to my wallet to pay 2 bucks for it. I’m also starving so this is a good distraction.
I feel like life is full of so many ridiculous contradictions, questions, and wrongdoings – and not to get all “we are the world” on you, but I think we’re just a misguided people.
Whether its “fuck the system” or “get in it to win it ” – the subversive version - I am adamant about the fact that I will dedicate myself to the work that I love so much now. I will never give up on my people, on my community, on my family and friends. This is an oath, of sorts, and a one, along with my prophecy, that I want to look back on in 10 years and realize I was at least mostly right.
Now, if only I can stop being such an “S”….
But I guess that is a story for another time. America, here we come.
I read about Michelle Rhee, the chancellor or superintendent of public education in DC, and about MIA as an artist and revolutionary. Both with very different stories, doing completely different things, but sharing the goal of subversion. Rhee, with her attack on the school system in ways that both alienated and excited education proponents, and MIA, with her family activist background, unusual sound, and determined character that led to her success as a South Asian female rapper.
I thought back to my conversation with Viet about this – “subversion.” It’s the age- old question of, do we keep fighting the system, or do we just learn to work within it?
And then it led me to my own life, and my own passions about my community, about my politics and my own convictions. Different people take action in different ways – Michelle Rhee by just doing, without caring about what anyone else says, and MIA through her music. They both though, are working within the system to try and break it down.
What is my own way of breaking down the system? My own way of taking action? And why the hell do I care so much?
I definitely consider myself significantly privileged, in my everyday life – in education, materialistically, financially, even at home. I’ve had a good education thus far and have the resources to continue onto law school like I plan (knock on wood), just got a new macbook, can make just enough money to get by with parental backup as an option if not, and my family is the shit. I appreciated them before while I was in college, but I love them all the more now that I’m away in Hawaii.
The two women I just read about came from intense immigrant backgrounds and lived through some degree of intense hardship and struggle.
But then again, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I was born and raised in Boyle Heights, Los Angeles, on a street called Breed right by First and Soto streets. My parents are 14 years apart in age, my father my mother’s senior, and I only vaguely remember growing up in that house as a baby, with the vomit-green carpet and matching curtains. From watching home videos of myself and my sister growing up, I remember that I was pretty jealous of my sister when she was born, getting all the attention as a baby and all that. My mother had doted on me like crazy, being the first-born daughter that could read Dr. Seuss smoothly by the age of 2. But of course things change when a newer, cuter baby is born into the family.
Still, my parents did a good job of raising us without all that potential emotional baggage that can seep into a family’s history and subconscious.
Boyle Heights was an unforgivingly impoverished neighborhood, and it deprived our family of days out at the park, learning how to ride our bikes or run around and play ball with the neighborhood kids. Instead, my sister and I never learned how to ride bikes, and walking a block away was dangerous. We lived in something like fear, of the neighborhood gangs and drug dealing, and the occasional gunshots that would ring out in the middle of the night. Homeless folk would wander into our backyard and camp out there until my dad would scare them off with the katana (samurai swords) he owned. We were burglared a few times, but escaped any bodily harm, those 19 years we lived there. We even hated our neighbors.
In kindergarten I also attended the local school, Breed Street School, only a 2 minute walk from home. I have fond memories of that school, as the only Asian American kid (though of course I had no clue at the time) who unknowingly picked up the Spanish-accented English the other children spoke. I still made good friends, had fun, read books and stories to my classmates as the only kid who could read. It was thanks to my mom’s dedication to education that I moved on, later, in second grade, to a better-equipped magnet school.
Although an elementary school kid could never know it at the time, growing up we were in the lower middle class bracket. We had some nice things, but mostly not; with my dad working as a cook and my mom staying home, there wasn’t a whole lot that we could afford, especially in the way of luxuries. My mom started work, while I was in elementary school, actually, as a legal secretary for a family law firm. That helped out with income a bit.
I was of course, never the popular kid in school, though I rarely had self-esteem issues. Looking back I would describe myself as a confident, semi-awkwardly dressed, sometimes awkward-acting, outgoing glasses-wearing kid who was never liked by boys in THAT way, but I never had a shortage of good friends. Save the glasses part, I would say I haven’t changed much, though I am much more picky about my fashionable appearance these days.
But then, somewhere in the middle school-high school years, my mom made the decision to start going to law school. As a motivated, former straight-A student who had graduated from UCLA with a BS in Microbiology, she decided she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life as a dead-end legal secretary. She wanted to pursue success on the next level, and with so many years at that firm under her belt, law school seemed like the best answer. My dad, knowing it would take a toll on our family life, not having Mom around, and even worse, strain our financial situation significantly, still backed her 110%. If only we could all find supportive and loving men like that.
So law school began, and so did mom’s time away from home. She was rarely around anymore, and this was tough, since she was the one who raised my sister and myself. Helped us with our homework, all of that kind of thing. Amazingly, she still found time to do most of it. Dad is more of the silent parent type, and I admit, sis and I had a bit of an awkward time getting to know him better during that time, but it was good for us, as our relationship is happy and much stronger now.
To add to the emotional stress of not having mom around much anymore, we had to deal with the reality of not being able to afford all of the everyday luxuries we take for granted now. We had to eat at home all the time, couldn’t afford a night out at the movie theatres, had to cut out a lot of the comforts of life. I just remember being stressed out and angry at my parents for everything. It was doubly a rough time – not only was the family having a hard time, but I was right at the peak of my adolescent hormonal angst. High school was definitely a rough time, in too many ways to explain.
But the one rough thing about high school that I can look back on now, and the thing I tell people the most when they ask about how I got so involved in community work, is that I swore that I hated Japanese Americans as a people, as my kind. Although I knew perfectly well and would admit that it was a part of my ethnic identity, the JA kids I was around just didn’t do it for me. I thought they were dumb, vapid, and a waste of my time. I also had a complex from being at a high school program called “The Highly Gifted Magnet.” As ridiculous as it may sound, it was rough being labeled the “smart kid” at school by the other kids – in band, other classes, and so on. And triple that from the fact that I was an Asian American girl.
Although, I guess it wasn’t really THAT rough, given that I was to some extent, the overachieving student – more so in earlier years than in high school, since I got a C in AP Calculus my junior year…but then again, I was in AP Calculus to begin with, and it was my first C ever – and did well because in a lot of ways I did fit the stereotype. I was even nice to everyone and glad to avoid any negative confrontations.
So that was high school - anger, bitterness, money problems, good and bad grades, and then here come college admissions. Despite being the top 5% of the entire senior class, I was rejected from all of the colleges I applied to, save UCLA. To add insult to injury, I had applied mostly to schools back East because I was so eager to get away from home and make it on my own – I was so angry at my family for everything (though they did nothing to cause my stress). But here I was, stuck in LA, just a half hour from home, and I was angry at the world.
But as most of you know, college changed my life. Shaped my politics, made me want to flip off the Man, hate white people, all that sort of thing. And during my junior year of college, my mom graduated from law school and was lucky enough to find a six-figure income law firm job.
Everyone told me then, how lucky I was that Mom was such a great woman, working part time while still going to law school part time (yeah, did I forget to mention that? As if law school at almost 40 weren’t amazing enough), and with a family at that! I guess I didn’t really know it then, but it is incredible, what she and my dad did. Held it together, and all for a better future – for our whole family.
Maybe it’s because I’m a compassionate being, or maybe it’s because somewhere, deep down inside – despite not having made an explicit connection – I do identify with these families, communities, people who suffer these kinds of hardships everyday, that I care so much about, well, our society.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with me – maybe it’s just how any normal person would react if they knew the truth about our ridiculous world.
Like taking the red pill, right?
But I do now understand, with more clarity and appreciation than ever, that everything I can do now is all in thanks to my parents – to the ones who came before me. My story isn’t one of first generation immigration, of extreme hardship or financial everyday struggle, like MIA or other went through, but it is one of privilege, of privilege that I now have because of what a young, impoverished naïve girl from Gardena, and an accomplished kendoist who cooks as a career were able to create when they made the decision to start a family. They created a secure, loving, and stable environment – one that, despite lacking large amounts of money, gave birth to me, and my sister – the headed-for-success fashion designer.
It is also true, that this generation has the capacity for something great. And let this be a prophecy that I put down now, on digital paper – that there is something great coming, and we will be a part of it. Never mind the cliché of change, it’s coming, blah blah blah – I know Obama is undeniably a part of it – but it is genuinely a feeling in my gut that I can’t shake off. Despite being somewhat politically stagnant in Hawaii, I feel like it’s the calm before the storm.
Something is coming.
I didn’t mean for this to become some sort of common Asian American activist piece – I must admit, although I’m glad we can all have moments of clarity about our ancestral accomplishments, identity, and all that sort of thing, it is getting kind of tired – but you know, sometimes the thoughts just flood my brain and I need to write it down, in case some rhetoric gem is wasted by my failure to grab some paper and record it. It also doesn’t help that I’m stuck on this 5 hour flight with the lights out, and no headphones because I couldn’t get to my wallet to pay 2 bucks for it. I’m also starving so this is a good distraction.
I feel like life is full of so many ridiculous contradictions, questions, and wrongdoings – and not to get all “we are the world” on you, but I think we’re just a misguided people.
Whether its “fuck the system” or “get in it to win it ” – the subversive version - I am adamant about the fact that I will dedicate myself to the work that I love so much now. I will never give up on my people, on my community, on my family and friends. This is an oath, of sorts, and a one, along with my prophecy, that I want to look back on in 10 years and realize I was at least mostly right.
Now, if only I can stop being such an “S”….
But I guess that is a story for another time. America, here we come.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wax and then Action - THE PICTURE POST
Kind of a rough day, and the weather is crazy! Lots of rain yesterday and this morning, then crazy winds today. It's like hurricane weather, kinda. Or at least, what I think hurricane weather would be like.
Today's horoscope:
Mostly? FALSE. But the lack of discipline would explain why I was so ridiculous as work today. I think I'm not cut out for office work sometimes. Or maybe I just need to take my vitamins so that I pay a little more attention to detail. Careless mistakes can equal lots of stress and getting in trouble! ugh.
It's like a slippery slope syndrome with these mistakes. I make one mistake, get lightly reprimanded for it, and then end up paranoid for the rest of the day, which frustratingly makes me more careless. What the hell.
In other news, I believe it is time for a new computer. My macbook is falling apart, little by little. The huge white line down the middle of my screen seems to be getting worse, and I can't see whatever the line runs into. Good excuse, too, to purchase a new macbook. Don't you think?
I room remodeled yesterday! Pushed my two twins together to create a faux king bed, and I love it. Despite the crevice down the middle that can get a little annoying at times. Here are before and afters:
The BEFORE, with a little finger at the top. You can't see it, but there's a bed to the left against the other wall. AND DON'T LAUGH, so what if it's messy?
Behold, the AFTER. It's like Aya's room, once upon a time. It's a weird angle, but I wanted to try and hide as much of the hanging, drying underwear as possible. haha.
Anyways, so I'm also going to share some pictures of my students - not too many, for safety reasons, I guess, but just to be able to show off what they've been doing!
BOOYAH. I dunno how well you can see it in the picture, both those are their own renditions of the Pyramid of Power. You know, it's that illustration of the concept that it seems like all the rich people have all the power - that they sit at the top of the pyramid, making more and more money, widening the gap between themselves and the people at the bottom of the pyramid - the ones both holding it up, and building it. At closer look, however, it becomes obvious that those at the top would be there if it weren't for the people at the bottom. If those at the bottom stopped building, or let go, everything would topple. And then so much for them rich folk! If they took anything away from this class, I wanted it to be a sense of their own power. What better way to illustrate that than...
THE GLADIATOR Teambuilder! hahahaha! The little one was on my team. You know, the better one. Here were the teams:
Very Gladiator movie-esque.
I think they had the least to work with, but these two did well anyway.
These two...thought it would be okay to take more tape, when it's supposed to be all about limited resources. hahaha oops.
In the end, the first team you see ended up winning, and lost to my gladiator. But it was a good lesson, you know, about working together, etc. It's a lesson in community cooperation in a world that constantly pits them against each other.
Lastly, we went to Waimea Valley to do some nature cleanup as community service. I got completely OWNED by mosquitoes (read: 15 bites on both legs), but it was well worth it.
In front of the falls. Everyone's tired.
Okay, that was a lot, and it's all I've got for now. TAIKO TIME.
Yays.
Today's horoscope:
| Amorous thoughts | |
Today, you might notice that you feel a bit better than usual, and your mind will naturally turn to light subjects. This is not a very favorable time for any difficult mental work that requires great discipline. You feel like enjoying yourself and having a good  time instead of making a significant effort. Be careful of being too concerned with yourself or self-indulgent at this time. You might be inclined to buy luxurious trinkets that you don't really need or otherwise squander your valuable and limited resources. On the positive side, you can use this time to tell someone that you love him. Although you may not feel like going into a melodramatic, heavy relationship, you do enjoy making another person feel happy about the two of you, and you may have very amorous thoughts. | |
Mostly? FALSE. But the lack of discipline would explain why I was so ridiculous as work today. I think I'm not cut out for office work sometimes. Or maybe I just need to take my vitamins so that I pay a little more attention to detail. Careless mistakes can equal lots of stress and getting in trouble! ugh.
It's like a slippery slope syndrome with these mistakes. I make one mistake, get lightly reprimanded for it, and then end up paranoid for the rest of the day, which frustratingly makes me more careless. What the hell.
In other news, I believe it is time for a new computer. My macbook is falling apart, little by little. The huge white line down the middle of my screen seems to be getting worse, and I can't see whatever the line runs into. Good excuse, too, to purchase a new macbook. Don't you think?
I room remodeled yesterday! Pushed my two twins together to create a faux king bed, and I love it. Despite the crevice down the middle that can get a little annoying at times. Here are before and afters:
The BEFORE, with a little finger at the top. You can't see it, but there's a bed to the left against the other wall. AND DON'T LAUGH, so what if it's messy?
Behold, the AFTER. It's like Aya's room, once upon a time. It's a weird angle, but I wanted to try and hide as much of the hanging, drying underwear as possible. haha.Anyways, so I'm also going to share some pictures of my students - not too many, for safety reasons, I guess, but just to be able to show off what they've been doing!
BOOYAH. I dunno how well you can see it in the picture, both those are their own renditions of the Pyramid of Power. You know, it's that illustration of the concept that it seems like all the rich people have all the power - that they sit at the top of the pyramid, making more and more money, widening the gap between themselves and the people at the bottom of the pyramid - the ones both holding it up, and building it. At closer look, however, it becomes obvious that those at the top would be there if it weren't for the people at the bottom. If those at the bottom stopped building, or let go, everything would topple. And then so much for them rich folk! If they took anything away from this class, I wanted it to be a sense of their own power. What better way to illustrate that than...
THE GLADIATOR Teambuilder! hahahaha! The little one was on my team. You know, the better one. Here were the teams:
Very Gladiator movie-esque.
I think they had the least to work with, but these two did well anyway.
These two...thought it would be okay to take more tape, when it's supposed to be all about limited resources. hahaha oops.In the end, the first team you see ended up winning, and lost to my gladiator. But it was a good lesson, you know, about working together, etc. It's a lesson in community cooperation in a world that constantly pits them against each other.
Lastly, we went to Waimea Valley to do some nature cleanup as community service. I got completely OWNED by mosquitoes (read: 15 bites on both legs), but it was well worth it.
In front of the falls. Everyone's tired. Okay, that was a lot, and it's all I've got for now. TAIKO TIME.
Yays.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I'll have a Coldbuster, please
Finally, a day off. And a day off that's not even completely free; I definitely still have taiko tonight, but it is a huge relief not to have to work today. I also think I'm getting sick, so I dunno what to do about that.
Sore throat, nose becoming congested, and the sick voice - it started yesterday and took it up a notch this morning. I definitely felt like shit as soon as I got out of bed, but felt better after my pricey yet therapeutic, nail appointment. I am also in love with my nails right now. (Alex says: I got my nails did. And hell yes, foreal I got my nails did.)
I think deep down, I'm really just princessy. haha (okay, so maybe you knew that already)
Skyped with Aya for hours last night, and that was super fun. We talked so long I almost remember it like I was drunk, I was so tired (but happy) at the end of that talk session. We chatted about her cute students, about nostalgically watching old fb vids, the amazing quality of Japanese condoms, and played the "would you rather?" game. I'm glad I can keep in touch with her, along with the rest of my home friendsies - it makes me feel like I'm not far away at all. Thus the lack of homesickness on this departure from home.
A little worried about all the gifts I have to bring home, because I also don't want to overdo it to the point where I'm spending millions of dollars I don't have on gifts for Christmas because everyone got such nice things for Thanksgiving holiday. hahahaha - uh, I wish I had millions of dollars to spend on gifties.
Thank goodness for the huge craft fair this past weekend though - they're like Hawaii pasttimes, and these people definitely go all out. Both vendors and buyers - it's pretty intense. But there were some awesome things to choose from, so those will be fun to bring home.
Had some good bonding time with Kelsey yesterday too - in celebration of having Tuesday off we went to Formaggio's and chatted about life over wine, mixed drinks, and foie gras. Lavish.
Definitely miss the activist life after the latest article on disaggregation and Count Me In came out; although I was branded "the epitome of the model minority myth" in this article (I know, wtf) it is definitely a very in-depth and great article on the issue, with a good amount of data. Other than that and the fact that APC wasn't mentioned as an organization, I think it's worth a read and a forwarding. And plus the writer, Carol Brydolf, was very courteous in asking me questions and making sure I got a copy of the magazine. You can read here:
Getting real about the "model minority"
Home time a week from Friday! yayyyyy
Kobukuro and me time.
Sore throat, nose becoming congested, and the sick voice - it started yesterday and took it up a notch this morning. I definitely felt like shit as soon as I got out of bed, but felt better after my pricey yet therapeutic, nail appointment. I am also in love with my nails right now. (Alex says: I got my nails did. And hell yes, foreal I got my nails did.)
I think deep down, I'm really just princessy. haha (okay, so maybe you knew that already)
Skyped with Aya for hours last night, and that was super fun. We talked so long I almost remember it like I was drunk, I was so tired (but happy) at the end of that talk session. We chatted about her cute students, about nostalgically watching old fb vids, the amazing quality of Japanese condoms, and played the "would you rather?" game. I'm glad I can keep in touch with her, along with the rest of my home friendsies - it makes me feel like I'm not far away at all. Thus the lack of homesickness on this departure from home.
A little worried about all the gifts I have to bring home, because I also don't want to overdo it to the point where I'm spending millions of dollars I don't have on gifts for Christmas because everyone got such nice things for Thanksgiving holiday. hahahaha - uh, I wish I had millions of dollars to spend on gifties.
Thank goodness for the huge craft fair this past weekend though - they're like Hawaii pasttimes, and these people definitely go all out. Both vendors and buyers - it's pretty intense. But there were some awesome things to choose from, so those will be fun to bring home.
Had some good bonding time with Kelsey yesterday too - in celebration of having Tuesday off we went to Formaggio's and chatted about life over wine, mixed drinks, and foie gras. Lavish.
Definitely miss the activist life after the latest article on disaggregation and Count Me In came out; although I was branded "the epitome of the model minority myth" in this article (I know, wtf) it is definitely a very in-depth and great article on the issue, with a good amount of data. Other than that and the fact that APC wasn't mentioned as an organization, I think it's worth a read and a forwarding. And plus the writer, Carol Brydolf, was very courteous in asking me questions and making sure I got a copy of the magazine. You can read here:
Getting real about the "model minority"
Home time a week from Friday! yayyyyy
Kobukuro and me time.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I think my right leg is darker than my left
WHAT a taiko-intensive weekend. Friday mini-concert outdoors, Saturday gig after an all day conference with my students (yes, it was a 7 am to 5 pm kine day), Sunday practice, taught two classes, then gig. CRAZY!!
I am so pau.
hahaha I am using my local language, so proud.
I am exhausted but happy, I guess. The great news is that Friday night I, along with two of my trainee peers, was promoted to Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble Member status!! A huge honor indeed, but of course along with it comes the pressure to step it up and really get my shit down. Which is great incentive of course, I just have to live up to it.
I'm also proud of my kids this weekend. This conference, put on by the Pacific and Asian Affairs Council - the nonprofit that employs me to teach this class - was the first experience they had to be at that kind of an event, with so many other students studying the same things, and really talking about things like global civic and community involvement/engagement. It was a good bonding experience for them all, that's for sure. Makes me love them all that more - I wish I could give them the world.
Anyhow, I wanted to post some Halloween pictures, since they are way overdue:
Yin and Yang! Kels was yin, me yang. Isn't it great?
Seriously, this costume is the first I've been proud of since Trinity back in high school (hahahah don't remind me...).
Yes, that's right, it's DOUBLE SIDED.
Which means the above was also possible. It just worked in so many ways. If you notice in the first picture, even our bracelets matched. Brilliant.
Yes so the pictures on my camera end there because I knew I would be too drunk to NOT lose the precious cam. It was an amazingly fun, drunken night out on Waikiki, looking at great costumes like girl with painted boobs or the "down on the count" costume - some haole guy with his shorts around his ankles wearing a count dracula costume, with a blowup doll attached to his crotch. Fun stuff.
I had 4 gin and tonics for Alex Lowe, as promised. He was honored.
So that's all I've got for now. Home countdown: 11 days!!
I am so pau.
hahaha I am using my local language, so proud.
I am exhausted but happy, I guess. The great news is that Friday night I, along with two of my trainee peers, was promoted to Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble Member status!! A huge honor indeed, but of course along with it comes the pressure to step it up and really get my shit down. Which is great incentive of course, I just have to live up to it.
I'm also proud of my kids this weekend. This conference, put on by the Pacific and Asian Affairs Council - the nonprofit that employs me to teach this class - was the first experience they had to be at that kind of an event, with so many other students studying the same things, and really talking about things like global civic and community involvement/engagement. It was a good bonding experience for them all, that's for sure. Makes me love them all that more - I wish I could give them the world.
Anyhow, I wanted to post some Halloween pictures, since they are way overdue:
Yin and Yang! Kels was yin, me yang. Isn't it great?Seriously, this costume is the first I've been proud of since Trinity back in high school (hahahah don't remind me...).
Yes, that's right, it's DOUBLE SIDED.
Which means the above was also possible. It just worked in so many ways. If you notice in the first picture, even our bracelets matched. Brilliant.Yes so the pictures on my camera end there because I knew I would be too drunk to NOT lose the precious cam. It was an amazingly fun, drunken night out on Waikiki, looking at great costumes like girl with painted boobs or the "down on the count" costume - some haole guy with his shorts around his ankles wearing a count dracula costume, with a blowup doll attached to his crotch. Fun stuff.
I had 4 gin and tonics for Alex Lowe, as promised. He was honored.
So that's all I've got for now. Home countdown: 11 days!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
That fateful day
I know it's not November 4th anymore, but that's okay, I've documented the day in plenty of other places.
Let's just say, bawling in front of the television during Obama's post-election speech with my very own bowl of popcorn was enough to yank me out of the rut I thought I was in. What an amazing time this will be.
If ever I were the most inspired to be an advocate and an organizer for my community, it would be now.
Thank you.
Let's just say, bawling in front of the television during Obama's post-election speech with my very own bowl of popcorn was enough to yank me out of the rut I thought I was in. What an amazing time this will be.
If ever I were the most inspired to be an advocate and an organizer for my community, it would be now.
Thank you.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The Burden
As I sat, listening to Maroon 5 on my day off, I decided to pull out the Zen Tarot Cards. It's one of my...alternative methods to self-meditation and relaxation, I guess. I believe in them because I think rather than predicting the future like some of those psychic crazies, these just - provide valuable insight as a reminder of the things you already knew somewhere, deep down inside.
I admit, I'm hitting a rough spot out here, although I haven't quite been able to pinpoint exactly why. My appetite sucks, my back is a (painful) pretzel, every day seems stressful, and I dunno, I don't quite feel like myself the past week and a half or so. But maybe the cards know best:
The Burden, Minor Arcana, Suit of Clouds number 6 says:
When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. "Go faster, try harder, reach the top!" shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.
If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your mind, but that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. It's time to lighten up, and send them on their way.
It makes too much sense to me right now, and I think maybe a root of this problem is that I am trying to live out here the way I think everyone would expect me to.
That is, Hawaii is supposed to be great, amazing, awesome, happy everyday, full of beaches and tanning and bumming it. But that hasn't been it for me - it wasn't what I was looking for, even if it was partly what I was expecting because everyone told me it would be so.
I feel like I have to be having a great time everyday out here, and the fact of the matter is, this is LIFE for me. It's not a vacation, it's a new living I'm creating out here, and I think at some point I have to understand something about this experience - something I'm not yet getting.
I do know though, that I need to stop pretending everything is wonderful and utopian. I think I've been doing that because I think it's what I'm supposed to be - super happy and constantly excited.
Don't get me wrong - I am glad I came out here, and I mean it when I say I feel like I'm meant to, supposed to, BE here, but I can't help but feel like something's missing.
With time now I realize it's not necessarily the community piece, like I had been whining and ranting about the past couple of months. There's something bigger, though I'm sure community is a part of the picture.
Anyhow, I'm taking this as a normal rut, something I'll climb out of soon enough. I think I'm beginning to understand how Mom felt a while back, when I didn't know how to be there for her. Sorry, Mom.
Change, it's a part of life. The cards said that, too.
I admit, I'm hitting a rough spot out here, although I haven't quite been able to pinpoint exactly why. My appetite sucks, my back is a (painful) pretzel, every day seems stressful, and I dunno, I don't quite feel like myself the past week and a half or so. But maybe the cards know best:
The Burden, Minor Arcana, Suit of Clouds number 6 says:
When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. "Go faster, try harder, reach the top!" shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.
If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your mind, but that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. It's time to lighten up, and send them on their way.
It makes too much sense to me right now, and I think maybe a root of this problem is that I am trying to live out here the way I think everyone would expect me to.
That is, Hawaii is supposed to be great, amazing, awesome, happy everyday, full of beaches and tanning and bumming it. But that hasn't been it for me - it wasn't what I was looking for, even if it was partly what I was expecting because everyone told me it would be so.
I feel like I have to be having a great time everyday out here, and the fact of the matter is, this is LIFE for me. It's not a vacation, it's a new living I'm creating out here, and I think at some point I have to understand something about this experience - something I'm not yet getting.
I do know though, that I need to stop pretending everything is wonderful and utopian. I think I've been doing that because I think it's what I'm supposed to be - super happy and constantly excited.
Don't get me wrong - I am glad I came out here, and I mean it when I say I feel like I'm meant to, supposed to, BE here, but I can't help but feel like something's missing.
With time now I realize it's not necessarily the community piece, like I had been whining and ranting about the past couple of months. There's something bigger, though I'm sure community is a part of the picture.
Anyhow, I'm taking this as a normal rut, something I'll climb out of soon enough. I think I'm beginning to understand how Mom felt a while back, when I didn't know how to be there for her. Sorry, Mom.
Change, it's a part of life. The cards said that, too.
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