Yesterday had a long but productive work day. The Japan Business Association of Southern California celebrated its 50th year at a largely successful Symposium and Gala Dinner last night. It was a celebration and gathering of folks from the Japanese American and Japanese business, government, nonprofit, and education sectors, and something I actually found myself feeling lucky to be a part of. It was for work, yes, that I had to attend and even help out as a runner, and perhaps at times the day of US-Japan alliance themes seemed a bit propaganda-ish, but all in all, I think it is pertinent to the overall thought that this is a time of great change and at the same time serious turmoil.
The Symposium panel of the day explored the theme of Japan and whether it will ever reemerge. The sentiment in mainstream U.S. media is that Japan is a declining, aging country with a passion-less, complacent youth generation that will soon take over and is currently burdened by a failing national group of leaders. The country is too insular, they write, and its economy is in the worst shape it's been in since the late 80s/early 90s. All of this, written in favor of China, the rising, ever-growing Asian country presumably with the most potential. But the panel opened my eyes, further, to the profound and significant effect of the media on an entire country's perspectives on not just local or national, but global, issues. Japan isn't so terribly off, it's just going through a rough time and needs to go through some deep cultural, social and political changes before it can reclaim it's previous place on the global stage. After all, it STILL is the 3rd largest economy in the world even if it did move there because of China. It is still largely functional and holds some significant trump cards in areas like clean energy technology, car making, some areas of business, and cultural influences. But most people here in the U.S. don't know any of that. It made me realize that, perhaps, there are so many ways that organizations like the one I work for, the U.S.-Japan Council, can take a prominent role, and change and better those views by gaining a stronger and more visible voice on issues like these.
Not to oversimplify too much -- the people and political motivations behind initiatives like these are definitely worth taking a look at -- but it is also important to note and maintain a keen sense of awareness of situations like these, so as to hold the right people accountable for what should really be happening here.
Okay. So zoom in to the United States, to California, to Los Angeles (or in this case, Orange County).
The media is feeding us crazy things these days, and there seems to be so much hate, ignorance, and bigotry running rampant. It's almost as if we've gone back into time, back to the 40s, 50s, and 60s, only with different targets of discrimination.
Let's take a look at some of these headlines and news-makers, shall we?
The black anti-abortion movement grows
Anti-Muslim protesters in Orange County
UCSD battles another racist incident
Texas group offers scholarships exclusively for white males
Fox rails against Seattle cops for "socialist social justice" policies
Who's behind the anti-Sharia law crusade? A white supremacist
And that, my friends, is everything I found just today, off of only 2 sources: Angry Asian Man and Colorlines.
Seriously, it makes you wonder what the hell is happening right now. Sure, our political pendulum swings left and right every so often, but this is just getting out of hand. It's like the entire clock broke and the pendulum got stuck on the entirely wrong side of the the spectrum.
You can add those to the global scale - namely, Libya, Haiti, and China - and you've got yourself some possible steps to a whole new social and political revolution.
If you ask me, I think we can use one right about now. Progressives need to step up their game - and need to learn to play the game. The right way (pun intended).
But then let's stop and think for a second. Why are these people even receiving so much media attention? Granted, Colorlines is a Progressive online publication dedicated to raising awareness about these ongoings, but the fact that the the larger media gives these bigoted, ignorant people so much attention helps spread the hatred. It may not be the biggest problem perpetuating these myths, but it certainly is a large contributor.
How much? is maybe a good question. Or what kind of effect exactly does the spread of these kinds of stories about hate, including through outlets like Fox News, have on larger society's perceptions about these people and political issues? Is this making it worse?
Maybe all of this is moot. Instead, perhaps we should be thinking about holding ourselves accountable for the kinds of reactions we have to these stories. Are Progressives acting on these stories and issues the way they should? As a group, are we being effective in pursuing these people and communicating with the right ones to figure out an effective solution?
If these "crazies" really represent a small group, a minority, of Conservatives, who should we be working with to make sure they stop doing this kind of damage?
There are so many questions, a lot of which I do not have answers to right now. All I know is that we hear these stories every day, and the fact that this is still happening means there is something we're not doing. Plenty of organizations out there are doing great work, but maybe there needs to be redefining of Progressive and Liberal work altogether. The communication between groups that should be working against these Tea Party-type fringe right-wing groups has been broken for too long. There need to be steps taken to fix this. Easier said than done, of course, but it all needs to start somewhere.
Who will do it and where is perhaps the biggest question of all. On so many levels, there is a great potential for profound, long-lasting positive change. For Japan, the US, for Los Angeles, for us.
As a close to this incredibly loaded post, this is a must-read for anyone interested in any of these questions:
Untellable Truths by George Lakoff.
So many great points, so little time.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Reflecting.
Had a nice weekend and a very pleasant Valentine's Day.
I seriously need an attitude adjustment. Too much ego, too much thinking, too much analysis about my life. Too much mind. Like in the Last Samurai, which I revisited last night, I need to take more of a "no mind" approach to everything. And work harder.
Moving back to LA was a wake up call from the pleasant nature of Hawai'i life. I'm not mourning the end of my time there anymore, and I still struggle to fully appreciate everything I have here.
Because let's face it, I'm lucky to have everything. I'm lucky to have a good steady job to provide for me until my law school endeavors; I've found an amazing taiko space that will be great with the right amount of effort and personal investment, and even faith; I'm back with my family like I wanted to be all along, and I'm living in a way I could have only dreamed of a year ago.
So I've decided, I can talk proactively, but I need to live it. And really, ACTUALLY do it. It'll take better scheduling, more effective time AND energy management, and all around more awareness of what I'm doing or not doing, but I need to just snap out of it and get it together.
Which I am going to do. Now.
On another note, read this great blog entry by Sahra, a former classmate and APC staffer. I respect her enormously, and it was great timing coming across this article, after just recently finishing Bell Hooks' work Feminism is for Everybody. Great book and so very inspiring to live out Progressivism at its best and truest. Sahra's entry was everything I had always thought but had not quite articulated.
Don't you love when that happens?
Plus, I happen to like Nicki Minaj.
I seriously need an attitude adjustment. Too much ego, too much thinking, too much analysis about my life. Too much mind. Like in the Last Samurai, which I revisited last night, I need to take more of a "no mind" approach to everything. And work harder.
Moving back to LA was a wake up call from the pleasant nature of Hawai'i life. I'm not mourning the end of my time there anymore, and I still struggle to fully appreciate everything I have here.
Because let's face it, I'm lucky to have everything. I'm lucky to have a good steady job to provide for me until my law school endeavors; I've found an amazing taiko space that will be great with the right amount of effort and personal investment, and even faith; I'm back with my family like I wanted to be all along, and I'm living in a way I could have only dreamed of a year ago.
So I've decided, I can talk proactively, but I need to live it. And really, ACTUALLY do it. It'll take better scheduling, more effective time AND energy management, and all around more awareness of what I'm doing or not doing, but I need to just snap out of it and get it together.
Which I am going to do. Now.
On another note, read this great blog entry by Sahra, a former classmate and APC staffer. I respect her enormously, and it was great timing coming across this article, after just recently finishing Bell Hooks' work Feminism is for Everybody. Great book and so very inspiring to live out Progressivism at its best and truest. Sahra's entry was everything I had always thought but had not quite articulated.
Don't you love when that happens?
Plus, I happen to like Nicki Minaj.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Because this moment will go down in history
The power of the people: see Egypt.
The hardest part, unfortunately, is that transition of power. Hopefully the people can continue to hold their leaders accountable in this process. Hoping for the best for them after such a profound victory.
The hardest part, unfortunately, is that transition of power. Hopefully the people can continue to hold their leaders accountable in this process. Hoping for the best for them after such a profound victory.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Four wars the U.S. said would be an "easy" win:
1) The Civil War, 1861-1865
2) The 1899 December Philippines takeover
3) The Vietnam War, 1962-1975
4) The Iraq War, 2003-2010
...and many more that I'm sure I've missed in history, and many more that will come unless there is a big systematic and leadership change in this country.
Which means...there will be more. I just don't get why this keeps happening.
2) The 1899 December Philippines takeover
3) The Vietnam War, 1962-1975
4) The Iraq War, 2003-2010
...and many more that I'm sure I've missed in history, and many more that will come unless there is a big systematic and leadership change in this country.
Which means...there will be more. I just don't get why this keeps happening.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Wow, really?
Happy 2011! Already the year is looking up, but given the end of 2010, it wasn't that hard to feel like things were getting better.
Have had some rough spots regardless, but am trying to make the best of my job, of my volunteer situation with All of Us or None and New Way of Life's Reentry Clinic, and of taiko. Each part of my life is slowly, but surely, getting better.
On the work front, I'm just getting a little more comfortable with the job, and coming to terms with the fact that while I'm here, with this organization, I'm not going to have much clout or responsibility or say in what goes on from a mission and vision standpoint. It's definitely a change from everything else I've done - anything in the community, even my jobs in Honolulu gave me a freedom to take the work in any direction I pleased - but maybe a good change, or at least I'm trying to live it out that way. I think there's a value in getting to know the kinds of folks in this org - who they are, what they do, and maybe most importantly (and most interestingly), what drives them. What are their motivations? Why do they do what they do, and how did they get there? I have to say, working in a place that caters to privileged JAs and Japanese folks can bring a lot of insight about a lot of things. I once blogged that I would be dedicated to my own community...let's just say it didn't play out exactly how I'd planned, but I think I will come away with it having some valuable experience, and, yes, valuable contacts.
I've even picked up the book Imperial Cruise by James Bradley - a book I bought to give me more insight into the US-Japan relationship and foreign policy today. I thought maybe the history lesson would help me with the work and perhaps become more personally invested. I don't think it's quite doing that, but at the very least, it's a very enlightening read. Speaking of motivations and power, I get to read about Theodore Roosevelt and his Aryan-oriented reasons for carrying out conquests of first our lands, and after today's lunch reading session, the brutal capture of the Philippines. Seriously, our country is super fucked up, and the worst part is that a lot of the things they were doing back then aren't much different from what's happening now. We think times have gotten better - we would love to believe that, as some unfounded indication that we are an evolving, progressing people - but when I read the section on how waterboarding, other forms of torture, plus rape and massacres of the Filipino people were justified in much the same way some of these activities are today, it made me feel so frustrated with so many things. As the author quoted one "Medal of Honor recipient,"
I am afraid some people at home will lie awake nights worrying about the ethics of this war, thinking that our enemy is fighting for the right of self-government....They are, as a rule, an illiterate, semi-savage people, who are waging war, not against tyranny, but against Anglo-Saxon order and decency.
Tell me that doesn't sound like what some people actually believe today. Although it may be put in slightly different terms today, it really just sounds like something Fox News will broadcast to their believing viewers.
So sure, one plus about this job is that I found a great book. Other than that, I've accepted that the work here will be forever frustrating, in a lot of ways, and I just have to learn to suck it up and continue to be proactive about it all.
On the volunteer front, I love doing the monthly Reentry clinics (as a volunteer I help clients expunge their criminal records so that they can finally get jobs and stay out of the prison system for good) and All of Us or None meetings. The All of Us or None group is currently running its Ban the Box Campaign, which would get the targeted city or county to take off the "Have you been convicted of a felony?" check box and question off of job applications. There is so much stigma attached to folks with criminal backgrounds that they are often cast out of society and prevented from getting jobs, which, yes, means that they end up doing something to get them back into prison. To be real, it's the system's fault that recidivism is so high. The checkbox is an unnecessary barrier to getting folks fully integrated back into society, and with the success of the campaign, will come the success of so many people who are currently unable to start over with their lives because of the way the entire system is set up to begin with. Without a job and means to start over, what are they supposed to do?
Much to my dismay, I found out that the CDC (California Department of Corrections) has now become CDCR (California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation), which is total bullshit, because you know that the state is not going to do all it can to rehabilitate its prisoners. Nothing has actually changed, except maybe another reason to get cities and counties to deny the Ban the Box Campaign because "things are already being done." And anyway, if that were true - if the state was really going to truly work for prisoner reentry back into society, a bunch of corrections officers would be out of jobs. As one of THE most powerful labor unions in California, you know that ain't gonna happen.
There is so much to the prisons issue, and the hardest part is that even Progressives are split on anything "criminal" related. Even in cities like Compton and Inglewood, which are our starting target cities, we've learned how difficult it is going to be to pass something like this. Logically, of COURSE it makes so much sense to
1) hold employers accountable for their hiring practices (often background checks are not correct or incomplete, and so work against the applicant, but unknowing applicants do not challenge the flawed process because of lack of resources; employers also will toss an application if that box is checked, regardless of whether the conviction is related to or affects job performance) and
2) reduce recidivism by helping folks stay out of the system and become healthy contributors of society.
But of course, because of the stigma attached to this community, people are quick to turn them away and dismiss them as "vicious" or "criminal." It's probably one of the most messed up things I've heard of.
Even in Inglewood, an incumbent mayor was voted out this past election because of campaign smearing of a staffer who was helping him get re-elected - and yes, she had a past criminal record. But she had put that behind her and had become a contributing citizen. I mean, really?? To make it better, the camp that did the smearing was supported by someone who had been convicted of shady political dealings himself. Go figure.
But the biggest question for me, personally, is WHY am I in this work? There aren't many Asian Americans involved (the head attorney is Korean American and super awesome), but other than that, I don't really have experiential or personal connections to the work. I mean, sure, I worked with incarcerated youth in Honolulu and that's how my interest started, but I think it's hard to be taken seriously in the space when I'm simply a volunteer in a circle of organizers, formerly incarcerated community people, attorneys, and community members from Inglewood and Compton that are directly affected by the work. I don't have any of that. Yesterday the meeting was incredibly intense and I learned a lot, but I began to wonder if I'm in the wrong space.
Feeling like you're a triangle block trying to fit into a square hole is unsettling. Especially when that feeling applies at work AND volunteering.
To try and be positive though, I do get that progressive outlet I need. Perhaps with some more time I'll understand why I'm REALLY there.
I guess there was just a lot on my chest about all of that.
Taiko has been getting better, though I know it'll never be KETE and there isn't much more to say about that. It's just a matter of getting to know everyone on a more personal level, I guess.
So that's life! And I should really do this more often...because now I feel like I can breathe a little easier. Articulating what's been bottled up for a while is incredibly cathartic. Thus the emergence of blogging to begin with, I suppose.
I leave with this quote from Mark Twain (in the James Bradley book):
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
Edit:
Plus, on the prison piece, when shit like this goes down regularly, how can we all be okay with it!?
Coming up (possible future topics):
- White people and the Malcolm X Process
- How community and non-community people communicate (or don't)
**From now on, to provide things with a little more direction, I'm going to list out topics that have been swirling around in my head and that I've been meaning to post about, but haven't quite thought out enough yet.
Have had some rough spots regardless, but am trying to make the best of my job, of my volunteer situation with All of Us or None and New Way of Life's Reentry Clinic, and of taiko. Each part of my life is slowly, but surely, getting better.
On the work front, I'm just getting a little more comfortable with the job, and coming to terms with the fact that while I'm here, with this organization, I'm not going to have much clout or responsibility or say in what goes on from a mission and vision standpoint. It's definitely a change from everything else I've done - anything in the community, even my jobs in Honolulu gave me a freedom to take the work in any direction I pleased - but maybe a good change, or at least I'm trying to live it out that way. I think there's a value in getting to know the kinds of folks in this org - who they are, what they do, and maybe most importantly (and most interestingly), what drives them. What are their motivations? Why do they do what they do, and how did they get there? I have to say, working in a place that caters to privileged JAs and Japanese folks can bring a lot of insight about a lot of things. I once blogged that I would be dedicated to my own community...let's just say it didn't play out exactly how I'd planned, but I think I will come away with it having some valuable experience, and, yes, valuable contacts.
I've even picked up the book Imperial Cruise by James Bradley - a book I bought to give me more insight into the US-Japan relationship and foreign policy today. I thought maybe the history lesson would help me with the work and perhaps become more personally invested. I don't think it's quite doing that, but at the very least, it's a very enlightening read. Speaking of motivations and power, I get to read about Theodore Roosevelt and his Aryan-oriented reasons for carrying out conquests of first our lands, and after today's lunch reading session, the brutal capture of the Philippines. Seriously, our country is super fucked up, and the worst part is that a lot of the things they were doing back then aren't much different from what's happening now. We think times have gotten better - we would love to believe that, as some unfounded indication that we are an evolving, progressing people - but when I read the section on how waterboarding, other forms of torture, plus rape and massacres of the Filipino people were justified in much the same way some of these activities are today, it made me feel so frustrated with so many things. As the author quoted one "Medal of Honor recipient,"
I am afraid some people at home will lie awake nights worrying about the ethics of this war, thinking that our enemy is fighting for the right of self-government....They are, as a rule, an illiterate, semi-savage people, who are waging war, not against tyranny, but against Anglo-Saxon order and decency.
Tell me that doesn't sound like what some people actually believe today. Although it may be put in slightly different terms today, it really just sounds like something Fox News will broadcast to their believing viewers.
So sure, one plus about this job is that I found a great book. Other than that, I've accepted that the work here will be forever frustrating, in a lot of ways, and I just have to learn to suck it up and continue to be proactive about it all.
On the volunteer front, I love doing the monthly Reentry clinics (as a volunteer I help clients expunge their criminal records so that they can finally get jobs and stay out of the prison system for good) and All of Us or None meetings. The All of Us or None group is currently running its Ban the Box Campaign, which would get the targeted city or county to take off the "Have you been convicted of a felony?" check box and question off of job applications. There is so much stigma attached to folks with criminal backgrounds that they are often cast out of society and prevented from getting jobs, which, yes, means that they end up doing something to get them back into prison. To be real, it's the system's fault that recidivism is so high. The checkbox is an unnecessary barrier to getting folks fully integrated back into society, and with the success of the campaign, will come the success of so many people who are currently unable to start over with their lives because of the way the entire system is set up to begin with. Without a job and means to start over, what are they supposed to do?
Much to my dismay, I found out that the CDC (California Department of Corrections) has now become CDCR (California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation), which is total bullshit, because you know that the state is not going to do all it can to rehabilitate its prisoners. Nothing has actually changed, except maybe another reason to get cities and counties to deny the Ban the Box Campaign because "things are already being done." And anyway, if that were true - if the state was really going to truly work for prisoner reentry back into society, a bunch of corrections officers would be out of jobs. As one of THE most powerful labor unions in California, you know that ain't gonna happen.
There is so much to the prisons issue, and the hardest part is that even Progressives are split on anything "criminal" related. Even in cities like Compton and Inglewood, which are our starting target cities, we've learned how difficult it is going to be to pass something like this. Logically, of COURSE it makes so much sense to
1) hold employers accountable for their hiring practices (often background checks are not correct or incomplete, and so work against the applicant, but unknowing applicants do not challenge the flawed process because of lack of resources; employers also will toss an application if that box is checked, regardless of whether the conviction is related to or affects job performance) and
2) reduce recidivism by helping folks stay out of the system and become healthy contributors of society.
But of course, because of the stigma attached to this community, people are quick to turn them away and dismiss them as "vicious" or "criminal." It's probably one of the most messed up things I've heard of.
Even in Inglewood, an incumbent mayor was voted out this past election because of campaign smearing of a staffer who was helping him get re-elected - and yes, she had a past criminal record. But she had put that behind her and had become a contributing citizen. I mean, really?? To make it better, the camp that did the smearing was supported by someone who had been convicted of shady political dealings himself. Go figure.
But the biggest question for me, personally, is WHY am I in this work? There aren't many Asian Americans involved (the head attorney is Korean American and super awesome), but other than that, I don't really have experiential or personal connections to the work. I mean, sure, I worked with incarcerated youth in Honolulu and that's how my interest started, but I think it's hard to be taken seriously in the space when I'm simply a volunteer in a circle of organizers, formerly incarcerated community people, attorneys, and community members from Inglewood and Compton that are directly affected by the work. I don't have any of that. Yesterday the meeting was incredibly intense and I learned a lot, but I began to wonder if I'm in the wrong space.
Feeling like you're a triangle block trying to fit into a square hole is unsettling. Especially when that feeling applies at work AND volunteering.
To try and be positive though, I do get that progressive outlet I need. Perhaps with some more time I'll understand why I'm REALLY there.
I guess there was just a lot on my chest about all of that.
Taiko has been getting better, though I know it'll never be KETE and there isn't much more to say about that. It's just a matter of getting to know everyone on a more personal level, I guess.
So that's life! And I should really do this more often...because now I feel like I can breathe a little easier. Articulating what's been bottled up for a while is incredibly cathartic. Thus the emergence of blogging to begin with, I suppose.
I leave with this quote from Mark Twain (in the James Bradley book):
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
Edit:
Plus, on the prison piece, when shit like this goes down regularly, how can we all be okay with it!?
Coming up (possible future topics):
- White people and the Malcolm X Process
- How community and non-community people communicate (or don't)
**From now on, to provide things with a little more direction, I'm going to list out topics that have been swirling around in my head and that I've been meaning to post about, but haven't quite thought out enough yet.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Lots of thoughts and expectations for the New Year.
I know it's still premature to go into a reflection of the oh-so-interesting 2010 year, but I feel like I need to do this, though briefly.
Here's to a great Christmas that I will try my hardest to appreciate, but I'm basically just waiting for this year to be over.
Between moving and readjusting to LA life, studying for the LSAT, learning more about relationships, gaining 10-15 lbs whilst studying for the LSAT, struggling with taiko in this new city, entering a new and unexpected job niche, dealing with financials, and basically rethinking my whole game plan, it's been maybe a bit of a blessing, but all in all? A Real Bitch.
Seriously. It was my Chinese zodiac year - the year of the Tiger - which I thought was supposed to be good luck and fortune and good times all around.
Boy was I in for a surprise. I can't even really express here now what a rough ride it's really been, but trust me when I say it has. This is definitely a year that will change me forever, I think.
It's the first time maybe, as much as I hate to admit even a shred of it, that real life has kicked in. It's a whole new set of challenges and troubles, and I obviously didn't handle it all very well. It was like all at once, my life was turning and changing directions in every way possible. College was a blast, Hawai'i was an amazing, dreamy transition, and now LA wakes me up with a huge bucket of cold water to the face.
I blame my weight gain on the LSAT - I'm still horrified and surprised all at once that I've let it physically get this far - but really I think eating became my way of coping with all the stress that I had to deal with in ALL aspects of my life, really. I just didn't know how else to handle it. I know that will pass in time, but geezus! Reality is cruel. On my body.
I know this is all a part of that "journey" - I do still know that it's all for the best because I will make it that way - but goodbye for now to all that idealism I came out of school and the islands with. Things just don't work out the way you want or expect, at least not all the time and not always in the short term.
In any case, going to focus tonight and tomorrow on appreciating all the great things in my life and the amazing people and support I have around me, because without that and them I never would have made it through the year. Without a doubt.
So with that, I hope that everyone enjoys this holiday season. I know I will be celebrating the end of one chapter and the beginning of the rest of my life! Like in Tangled. harhar. Merry Christmas, world. Hope it's a happy season for everyone because that's the true nature and spirit of Christmas, after all: being with the people you love and cherish the most, and appreciating all of the great things around you.
I know it's still premature to go into a reflection of the oh-so-interesting 2010 year, but I feel like I need to do this, though briefly.
Here's to a great Christmas that I will try my hardest to appreciate, but I'm basically just waiting for this year to be over.
Between moving and readjusting to LA life, studying for the LSAT, learning more about relationships, gaining 10-15 lbs whilst studying for the LSAT, struggling with taiko in this new city, entering a new and unexpected job niche, dealing with financials, and basically rethinking my whole game plan, it's been maybe a bit of a blessing, but all in all? A Real Bitch.
Seriously. It was my Chinese zodiac year - the year of the Tiger - which I thought was supposed to be good luck and fortune and good times all around.
Boy was I in for a surprise. I can't even really express here now what a rough ride it's really been, but trust me when I say it has. This is definitely a year that will change me forever, I think.
It's the first time maybe, as much as I hate to admit even a shred of it, that real life has kicked in. It's a whole new set of challenges and troubles, and I obviously didn't handle it all very well. It was like all at once, my life was turning and changing directions in every way possible. College was a blast, Hawai'i was an amazing, dreamy transition, and now LA wakes me up with a huge bucket of cold water to the face.
I blame my weight gain on the LSAT - I'm still horrified and surprised all at once that I've let it physically get this far - but really I think eating became my way of coping with all the stress that I had to deal with in ALL aspects of my life, really. I just didn't know how else to handle it. I know that will pass in time, but geezus! Reality is cruel. On my body.
I know this is all a part of that "journey" - I do still know that it's all for the best because I will make it that way - but goodbye for now to all that idealism I came out of school and the islands with. Things just don't work out the way you want or expect, at least not all the time and not always in the short term.
In any case, going to focus tonight and tomorrow on appreciating all the great things in my life and the amazing people and support I have around me, because without that and them I never would have made it through the year. Without a doubt.
So with that, I hope that everyone enjoys this holiday season. I know I will be celebrating the end of one chapter and the beginning of the rest of my life! Like in Tangled. harhar. Merry Christmas, world. Hope it's a happy season for everyone because that's the true nature and spirit of Christmas, after all: being with the people you love and cherish the most, and appreciating all of the great things around you.
Friday, December 10, 2010
What has happened to my life
This is a very bad time in my life.
Everything seems stressful, and to top it all off, I've gained an inexcusable amount of weight. Like, VISIBLY. This means at least 10 pounds.
I feel so miserable and mopey, and I have to take the LSAT tomorrow with all of this negativity on my shoulders. I just can't seem to shake it off. I can't even say I at least feel good about myself right now.
And then of course, amidst all the stress my body gives up and now I have a bad cold. If I feel too sick tomorrow (and I will still have to take the test), all the work I've done on this damn test for the past SIX MONTHS of my life is for naught. I really just feel like shit.
This is really the closest thing I have to any diary, and I haven't had nearly enough time spent here.
I guess some positives are that the holidays are coming up, the test will soon be over, which means I can diet and and exercise my ASS OFF, and the people I care most about are here for me. But if only I could just lose the weight right here and now. I can see the fat in my face and mirrors have now become my enemy.
Everything seems stressful, and to top it all off, I've gained an inexcusable amount of weight. Like, VISIBLY. This means at least 10 pounds.
I feel so miserable and mopey, and I have to take the LSAT tomorrow with all of this negativity on my shoulders. I just can't seem to shake it off. I can't even say I at least feel good about myself right now.
And then of course, amidst all the stress my body gives up and now I have a bad cold. If I feel too sick tomorrow (and I will still have to take the test), all the work I've done on this damn test for the past SIX MONTHS of my life is for naught. I really just feel like shit.
This is really the closest thing I have to any diary, and I haven't had nearly enough time spent here.
I guess some positives are that the holidays are coming up, the test will soon be over, which means I can diet and and exercise my ASS OFF, and the people I care most about are here for me. But if only I could just lose the weight right here and now. I can see the fat in my face and mirrors have now become my enemy.
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