Wax and then Action - THE PICTURE POST

Kind of a rough day, and the weather is crazy! Lots of rain yesterday and this morning, then crazy winds today. It's like hurricane weather, kinda. Or at least, what I think hurricane weather would be like.

Today's horoscope:

Amorous thoughts

Today, you might notice that you feel a bit better than usual, and your mind will naturally turn to light subjects. This is not a very favorable time for any difficult mental work that requires great discipline. You feel like enjoying yourself and having a good time instead of making a significant effort. Be careful of being too concerned with yourself or self-indulgent at this time. You might be inclined to buy luxurious trinkets that you don't really need or otherwise squander your valuable and limited resources. On the positive side, you can use this time to tell someone that you love him. Although you may not feel like going into a melodramatic, heavy relationship, you do enjoy making another person feel happy about the two of you, and you may have very amorous thoughts.

Mostly? FALSE. But the lack of discipline would explain why I was so ridiculous as work today. I think I'm not cut out for office work sometimes. Or maybe I just need to take my vitamins so that I pay a little more attention to detail. Careless mistakes can equal lots of stress and getting in trouble! ugh.

It's like a slippery slope syndrome with these mistakes. I make one mistake, get lightly reprimanded for it, and then end up paranoid for the rest of the day, which frustratingly makes me more careless. What the hell.

In other news, I believe it is time for a new computer. My macbook is falling apart, little by little. The huge white line down the middle of my screen seems to be getting worse, and I can't see whatever the line runs into. Good excuse, too, to purchase a new macbook. Don't you think?

I room remodeled yesterday! Pushed my two twins together to create a faux king bed, and I love it. Despite the crevice down the middle that can get a little annoying at times. Here are before and afters:

The BEFORE, with a little finger at the top. You can't see it, but there's a bed to the left against the other wall. AND DON'T LAUGH, so what if it's messy?


Behold, the AFTER. It's like Aya's room, once upon a time. It's a weird angle, but I wanted to try and hide as much of the hanging, drying underwear as possible. haha.

Anyways, so I'm also going to share some pictures of my students - not too many, for safety reasons, I guess, but just to be able to show off what they've been doing!

BOOYAH. I dunno how well you can see it in the picture, both those are their own renditions of the Pyramid of Power. You know, it's that illustration of the concept that it seems like all the rich people have all the power - that they sit at the top of the pyramid, making more and more money, widening the gap between themselves and the people at the bottom of the pyramid - the ones both holding it up, and building it. At closer look, however, it becomes obvious that those at the top would be there if it weren't for the people at the bottom. If those at the bottom stopped building, or let go, everything would topple. And then so much for them rich folk! If they took anything away from this class, I wanted it to be a sense of their own power. What better way to illustrate that than...

THE GLADIATOR Teambuilder! hahahaha! The little one was on my team. You know, the better one. Here were the teams:


Very Gladiator movie-esque.

I think they had the least to work with, but these two did well anyway.


These two...thought it would be okay to take more tape, when it's supposed to be all about limited resources. hahaha oops.

In the end, the first team you see ended up winning, and lost to my gladiator. But it was a good lesson, you know, about working together, etc. It's a lesson in community cooperation in a world that constantly pits them against each other.

Lastly, we went to Waimea Valley to do some nature cleanup as community service. I got completely OWNED by mosquitoes (read: 15 bites on both legs), but it was well worth it.

In front of the falls. Everyone's tired.

Okay, that was a lot, and it's all I've got for now. TAIKO TIME.

Yays.

I'll have a Coldbuster, please

Finally, a day off. And a day off that's not even completely free; I definitely still have taiko tonight, but it is a huge relief not to have to work today. I also think I'm getting sick, so I dunno what to do about that.

Sore throat, nose becoming congested, and the sick voice - it started yesterday and took it up a notch this morning. I definitely felt like shit as soon as I got out of bed, but felt better after my pricey yet therapeutic, nail appointment. I am also in love with my nails right now. (Alex says: I got my nails did. And hell yes, foreal I got my nails did.)

I think deep down, I'm really just princessy. haha (okay, so maybe you knew that already)

Skyped with Aya for hours last night, and that was super fun. We talked so long I almost remember it like I was drunk, I was so tired (but happy) at the end of that talk session. We chatted about her cute students, about nostalgically watching old fb vids, the amazing quality of Japanese condoms, and played the "would you rather?" game. I'm glad I can keep in touch with her, along with the rest of my home friendsies - it makes me feel like I'm not far away at all. Thus the lack of homesickness on this departure from home.

A little worried about all the gifts I have to bring home, because I also don't want to overdo it to the point where I'm spending millions of dollars I don't have on gifts for Christmas because everyone got such nice things for Thanksgiving holiday. hahahaha - uh, I wish I had millions of dollars to spend on gifties.

Thank goodness for the huge craft fair this past weekend though - they're like Hawaii pasttimes, and these people definitely go all out. Both vendors and buyers - it's pretty intense. But there were some awesome things to choose from, so those will be fun to bring home.

Had some good bonding time with Kelsey yesterday too - in celebration of having Tuesday off we went to Formaggio's and chatted about life over wine, mixed drinks, and foie gras. Lavish.

Definitely miss the activist life after the latest article on disaggregation and Count Me In came out; although I was branded "the epitome of the model minority myth" in this article (I know, wtf) it is definitely a very in-depth and great article on the issue, with a good amount of data. Other than that and the fact that APC wasn't mentioned as an organization, I think it's worth a read and a forwarding. And plus the writer, Carol Brydolf, was very courteous in asking me questions and making sure I got a copy of the magazine. You can read here:

Getting real about the "model minority"

Home time a week from Friday! yayyyyy

Kobukuro and me time.

I think my right leg is darker than my left

WHAT a taiko-intensive weekend. Friday mini-concert outdoors, Saturday gig after an all day conference with my students (yes, it was a 7 am to 5 pm kine day), Sunday practice, taught two classes, then gig. CRAZY!!

I am so pau.

hahaha I am using my local language, so proud.

I am exhausted but happy, I guess. The great news is that Friday night I, along with two of my trainee peers, was promoted to Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble Member status!! A huge honor indeed, but of course along with it comes the pressure to step it up and really get my shit down. Which is great incentive of course, I just have to live up to it.

I'm also proud of my kids this weekend. This conference, put on by the Pacific and Asian Affairs Council - the nonprofit that employs me to teach this class - was the first experience they had to be at that kind of an event, with so many other students studying the same things, and really talking about things like global civic and community involvement/engagement. It was a good bonding experience for them all, that's for sure. Makes me love them all that more - I wish I could give them the world.

Anyhow, I wanted to post some Halloween pictures, since they are way overdue:

Yin and Yang! Kels was yin, me yang. Isn't it great?

Seriously, this costume is the first I've been proud of since Trinity back in high school (hahahah don't remind me...).

Yes, that's right, it's DOUBLE SIDED.

Which means the above was also possible. It just worked in so many ways. If you notice in the first picture, even our bracelets matched. Brilliant.

Yes so the pictures on my camera end there because I knew I would be too drunk to NOT lose the precious cam. It was an amazingly fun, drunken night out on Waikiki, looking at great costumes like girl with painted boobs or the "down on the count" costume - some haole guy with his shorts around his ankles wearing a count dracula costume, with a blowup doll attached to his crotch. Fun stuff.

I had 4 gin and tonics for Alex Lowe, as promised. He was honored.

So that's all I've got for now. Home countdown: 11 days!!

That fateful day

I know it's not November 4th anymore, but that's okay, I've documented the day in plenty of other places.

Let's just say, bawling in front of the television during Obama's post-election speech with my very own bowl of popcorn was enough to yank me out of the rut I thought I was in. What an amazing time this will be.

If ever I were the most inspired to be an advocate and an organizer for my community, it would be now.

Thank you.

The Burden

As I sat, listening to Maroon 5 on my day off, I decided to pull out the Zen Tarot Cards. It's one of my...alternative methods to self-meditation and relaxation, I guess. I believe in them because I think rather than predicting the future like some of those psychic crazies, these just - provide valuable insight as a reminder of the things you already knew somewhere, deep down inside.

I admit, I'm hitting a rough spot out here, although I haven't quite been able to pinpoint exactly why. My appetite sucks, my back is a (painful) pretzel, every day seems stressful, and I dunno, I don't quite feel like myself the past week and a half or so. But maybe the cards know best:

The Burden, Minor Arcana, Suit of Clouds number 6 says:

When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. "Go faster, try harder, reach the top!" shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.

If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your mind, but that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. It's time to lighten up, and send them on their way.

It makes too much sense to me right now, and I think maybe a root of this problem is that I am trying to live out here the way I think everyone would expect me to.

That is, Hawaii is supposed to be great, amazing, awesome, happy everyday, full of beaches and tanning and bumming it. But that hasn't been it for me - it wasn't what I was looking for, even if it was partly what I was expecting because everyone told me it would be so.

I feel like I have to be having a great time everyday out here, and the fact of the matter is, this is LIFE for me. It's not a vacation, it's a new living I'm creating out here, and I think at some point I have to understand something about this experience - something I'm not yet getting.

I do know though, that I need to stop pretending everything is wonderful and utopian. I think I've been doing that because I think it's what I'm supposed to be - super happy and constantly excited.

Don't get me wrong - I am glad I came out here, and I mean it when I say I feel like I'm meant to, supposed to, BE here, but I can't help but feel like something's missing.

With time now I realize it's not necessarily the community piece, like I had been whining and ranting about the past couple of months. There's something bigger, though I'm sure community is a part of the picture.

Anyhow, I'm taking this as a normal rut, something I'll climb out of soon enough. I think I'm beginning to understand how Mom felt a while back, when I didn't know how to be there for her. Sorry, Mom.

Change, it's a part of life. The cards said that, too.

Elections in the Air

Kind of anticlimactic for me, the day of Election 2008 - a long awaited day - I've already sent in my absentee ballot like a week ago. Now it's just a waiting game. I'm nervous for November 5th, and can only wonder what might happen.

If McPalin takes over I don't know what I'd do. I might have to resort to moving away, like Scott threatens to do. It's very possible that we as community organizers and activists will be needed more than ever if that were to happen, who knows?

My battery is dying, so it's a race against the amount of energy I've got left in this thing.

It really has been a long while since my last update - I guess you could say I've been having too much fun to be critical about the things around me. I mean, the critical lenses haven't gone away, that's for sure...but there's been more roommate bonding, which has left me even LESS time to sit down and bloggies.

All is well, I guess. I'm constantly tired, but so goes Hawaii life for this California transplant. I've also got 8 bug bites on my body and COUNTING from the past 3 consecutive nights. Going to try another sleeping location tonight, and hope that bodes better for my body. But hey, I can't help it if my blood is delish. (okay that sounded better in my head)

Halloween on Friday should prove to be an experience, if anything. Waikiki, here we come. Maybe I can manage to get pics up here, costumes are pretty ready to go and I am just excited to get CRUNK. After this week I am so ready. READY! Actually, the week isn't even over yet and I'm hella ready.

ANYWAYS. It is 12:40 and if I don't sleep soon I will pass out on the computer at the law office tomorrow. That will not be a pretty sight for anyone around.

OUR WORLD WILL BE A DIFFERENT PLACE A WEEK FROM TODAY! Or at least, so we think. If it's not something is very wrong with our society. But uh, hey! It's hella fucked up anyways. So what the hell kind of a difference would it make? When are people going to realize what kind of a REALITY we live in these days!?

Nighttime delusions.

okay bedtime here I come.

Creating Change

Mercury Retrograde, Lisa says! And Lisa, that sounds like a hella good explanation to me. CRAZY STUFF! This astrology biz trips me out sometimes.

This explains it all.

It is most definitely a huge time of reflection for me - has been since a couple weeks after my arrival here. About the world, my world, my communities, my life.

And I have decided that if I am going to happy for the rest of my life, I need to work in the community, organizing and working towards effecting change. If I don't, I will quite possibly go crazy.

Meanwhile, I leave you with this longer quote from Haunani-Kay Trask's book, the first paragraph of an essay entitled "Lovely Hula Hands: Corporate Tourism and the Prostitution of Hawaiian Culture." It might make you think twice about saying I'm lucky I'm in Hawaii for all the reasons most people would say it.


I am certain that most, if not all, Americans have heard of Hawai'i and have wished, at some time in their lives, to visit my Native land. But I doubt that the history of how Hawai'i came to be territorially incorporated, and economically, politically, and culturally subordinated to the United States is known to most Americans. Nor is it common knowledge that Hawaiians have been struggling for over twenty years to achieve a land base and some form of political sovereignty on the same level as American Indians. Finally, I would imagine that most Americans could not place Hawai'i or any other Pacific island on a map of the Pacific. But despite all this appalling ignorance, five million Americans will vacation in my homeland this year and the next, and so on, into the foreseeable capitalist future. Such are the intended privileges of the so-called American standard of living: ignorance of and yet power over one's relations to Native peoples. Thanks to postwar American imperialism, the ideology that the United States has no overseas colonies and is, in fact, the champion of self-determination the world over holds no greater sway than in the United States itself. To most Americans, then, Hawai'i is THEIRS: to use, to take, and above all, to fantasize about long after the experience.