Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore....

It's strange, but the Wizard of Oz has been a source of inspiration lately.

Maybe that's because I feel like my time in Hawai'i has been one great adventure-filled dream.

Because oh my god, I can't believe I'm back in Los Angeles.  I think it's one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, and the sadness was intense.  After saying goodbye to close friends and boyfriend, I wanted to cry so bad.  And I did, while sitting at the gate by myself.  I tweeted something to the effect of..."I can't remember the last time I was this sad," and it's true to its core.  It was so much harder than I could've ever anticipated, and being home still feels bittersweet.  I had to call Mom to take my mind off the self-pity.

Even after landing at LAX, thinking about Hawai'i life too much made me well up.

But boo hoo, I'm allowing myself to mope internally for a little while, and then back to business.

There is so much I want to do, despite missing everyone and BF.  And maybe all the more, bury myself in whatever I need and want to do, to stop from feeling so sad about everything and everyone I left behind in Honolulu.

Like Kelsey said, change is good.  And I think deep down inside I know what I have to do.

Only for the first time, being here at home, there's so much uncertainty.  I was so sure, so certain, so confident, about everything I would do when I got back, but this move has definitely thrown me for a loop.  It is going to be...an interesting year, to say the least.  LSATs, law school plans, volunteer endeavors, the works.  We'll see how it all goes, maybe the possibility is exciting, but it's all a little scary, too.

Looking towards my next visit to Honolulu, hopefully both in May and June, which would be ideal...and in May, excited to see Aya.  It'll be some much needed girlfriend therapy, that's for sure.

Maybe like Dorothy, I'll realize that my Scarecrow, Tinman, and Lion were with me here at home all along.