I should have posted the original entry here, but I thought it would add some nice spice to my other one.
http://candiceusjc.blogspot.com/2010/11/progressive-rant-or-maybe-whine.html
Check it out.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Where do I belong?
Just watched a clip of an old performance by KETE (Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble)...and it made me long for Hawai'i and that taiko group again.
I've been feeling dissatisfied here in LA, to an extent that I can't quite figure out. In Hawai'i I felt like I had really found myself and figured out my life. I knew that my stay in Honolulu would be temporary, but I discovered my passion for taiko and was ready to reclaim my future in a law career once relocating to Los Angeles, a place I considered home, while also figuring out a way to stay involved in taiko through groups here.
But lately, home has felt...weird, in taiko, and socially. I don't feel comfortable or at home here. I think I'm discovering that everything I thought taiko would be here in Los Angeles isn't, and instead, despite its shortcomings, I really want to be back in Honolulu playing with TCP and KETE. I loved teaching there, I loved being with the group, and sure, it got unbearable and frustrating at times and I couldn't wait to leave, but it got me thinking. If one day I relocated to Hawai'i as an attorney, it might not be so bad. Perhaps start an ACLU chapter over there?
Okay, so it was hard for me to be politically active in Honolulu, which was part of why I was dissatisfied with that experience, so I'm definitely being idealistic here. Plus, I think memory has been kind to my time there, mainly because my time here has proven difficult and well, just different.
I think my taiko experience so far has been at the root of my feeling dissatisfied and somewhat unhappy lately, but there's just something else that I haven't been able to explain.
I want to say it also has to do with my closest friends being away and feeling like they're inaccessible for a while, and life now is just not what I thought it would be, causing a sensation of being unhappy or discontent with my situation now. In Honolulu I hung out with my close friends regularly, whether after practices or on weekends. Here, everyone in LA is away or too busy or inaccessible or I'm too busy or away or inaccessible, and so I'm left with that.
Dok has been wonderful though, in taking care of me despite his own hardships, so I really am grateful for that. I think Honolulu can always figure into my future law career (i.e. if not law school there, relocate to Honolulu to take the HI state bar exam after passing CA, crossing my fingers) in some way, and if I decide that's what I want, it's always a possibility. For now though, I have to stick with this and make it work.
In other news, this entry has been interrupted by a knock on my door. MY BUSINESS CARDS ARE HERE! WITH MY NAME ON THEM!!!
I love work.
I've been feeling dissatisfied here in LA, to an extent that I can't quite figure out. In Hawai'i I felt like I had really found myself and figured out my life. I knew that my stay in Honolulu would be temporary, but I discovered my passion for taiko and was ready to reclaim my future in a law career once relocating to Los Angeles, a place I considered home, while also figuring out a way to stay involved in taiko through groups here.
But lately, home has felt...weird, in taiko, and socially. I don't feel comfortable or at home here. I think I'm discovering that everything I thought taiko would be here in Los Angeles isn't, and instead, despite its shortcomings, I really want to be back in Honolulu playing with TCP and KETE. I loved teaching there, I loved being with the group, and sure, it got unbearable and frustrating at times and I couldn't wait to leave, but it got me thinking. If one day I relocated to Hawai'i as an attorney, it might not be so bad. Perhaps start an ACLU chapter over there?
Okay, so it was hard for me to be politically active in Honolulu, which was part of why I was dissatisfied with that experience, so I'm definitely being idealistic here. Plus, I think memory has been kind to my time there, mainly because my time here has proven difficult and well, just different.
I think my taiko experience so far has been at the root of my feeling dissatisfied and somewhat unhappy lately, but there's just something else that I haven't been able to explain.
I want to say it also has to do with my closest friends being away and feeling like they're inaccessible for a while, and life now is just not what I thought it would be, causing a sensation of being unhappy or discontent with my situation now. In Honolulu I hung out with my close friends regularly, whether after practices or on weekends. Here, everyone in LA is away or too busy or inaccessible or I'm too busy or away or inaccessible, and so I'm left with that.
Dok has been wonderful though, in taking care of me despite his own hardships, so I really am grateful for that. I think Honolulu can always figure into my future law career (i.e. if not law school there, relocate to Honolulu to take the HI state bar exam after passing CA, crossing my fingers) in some way, and if I decide that's what I want, it's always a possibility. For now though, I have to stick with this and make it work.
In other news, this entry has been interrupted by a knock on my door. MY BUSINESS CARDS ARE HERE! WITH MY NAME ON THEM!!!
I love work.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Women
As a side note, I now have a work-related blog to place many of the articles and relevant thoughts that come across my desk. It's mostly US-Japan related topics of course, but with a global perspective, many other factors inevitably come into play.
Most recently, this topic of women in the workplace. It's one of the main topics our organization has been tackling, and there is actually a group of women affiliated with, or a part of, our organization, that are dedicating to researching and collaborating on this, figuring out how to work with Japanese women, how it affects both the US and Japan, strategizing, planning, etc.
But what frustrated me, mainly today, was a report I received via email regarding the trends that are affecting Japanese women today. These trends, no doubt, are affecting women, but the kinds of things that are attributed to women are so surface level, and not really delving into the real issues that cause women to bear social hardship, particularly in the workplace.
There's even a comparison drawn to "Eat Pray Love," and, admittedly, because of all the race-gender-class perspectives I read about on that movie, it made me think that we can't really talk about women without addressing the rest of those lenses.
Within the organization as it pertains to this topic, there are discussions on how corporations are helping women advance by taking into consideration their diverse backgrounds and needs, "challenging" the status quo, encouraging a progressive working environment....
Although at face value, and probably to most people, it sounds great and exciting and effective, when we really take it apart, it's not challenging anything. Sure, working within the system is great, especially for big corporations like Deloitte, but to say they're challenging the status quo especially is a longshot. Corporations are, inherently, not only a part of, but upholding status quo. This, of course, should go without saying.
So really when I see things like this "report" - which, it is worth noting, was put together by Japanese businesswomen and researchers but is being distributed and presented by a man - it's frustrating. Where is the real work to address these women, and why isn't our organization questioning these things?
Of course, as a nonpartisan nonprofit organization I suppose that would complicate things too much. It would offend our membership, our corporate sponsors (we even have defense corps donating major funds), and all those other important people who benefit the most from the status quo. Challenge the system? Are you kidding? It just goes to show how a non-progressive organization can sometimes just prove...well, ineffective for people like me.
Most recently, this topic of women in the workplace. It's one of the main topics our organization has been tackling, and there is actually a group of women affiliated with, or a part of, our organization, that are dedicating to researching and collaborating on this, figuring out how to work with Japanese women, how it affects both the US and Japan, strategizing, planning, etc.
But what frustrated me, mainly today, was a report I received via email regarding the trends that are affecting Japanese women today. These trends, no doubt, are affecting women, but the kinds of things that are attributed to women are so surface level, and not really delving into the real issues that cause women to bear social hardship, particularly in the workplace.
There's even a comparison drawn to "Eat Pray Love," and, admittedly, because of all the race-gender-class perspectives I read about on that movie, it made me think that we can't really talk about women without addressing the rest of those lenses.
Within the organization as it pertains to this topic, there are discussions on how corporations are helping women advance by taking into consideration their diverse backgrounds and needs, "challenging" the status quo, encouraging a progressive working environment....
Although at face value, and probably to most people, it sounds great and exciting and effective, when we really take it apart, it's not challenging anything. Sure, working within the system is great, especially for big corporations like Deloitte, but to say they're challenging the status quo especially is a longshot. Corporations are, inherently, not only a part of, but upholding status quo. This, of course, should go without saying.
So really when I see things like this "report" - which, it is worth noting, was put together by Japanese businesswomen and researchers but is being distributed and presented by a man - it's frustrating. Where is the real work to address these women, and why isn't our organization questioning these things?
Of course, as a nonpartisan nonprofit organization I suppose that would complicate things too much. It would offend our membership, our corporate sponsors (we even have defense corps donating major funds), and all those other important people who benefit the most from the status quo. Challenge the system? Are you kidding? It just goes to show how a non-progressive organization can sometimes just prove...well, ineffective for people like me.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I was just thinking
And I am dead serious, that T.I. knows probably as well as any former incarcerated person, what the prison system is like, and how it affects an individual's life.
After watching this video and seeing the comment about the album name changing from "King Uncaged" to "No Mercy," I recalled hearing on the radio that T.I., after recently being released from prison, is going to be put back in because of some weapon charges or some violation of probation, something along those lines. The report indicated that he pleaded not to be sent back to prison after just getting out, but it seemed the judge wasn't having any of that. That, at least, is the impression I got from that story. I'll have to check my sources later.
Anyhow, as involved as I've become in the prisoner reentry campaign that will be starting up foreal at the end of this year, it made me think that T.I. could really lend some knowledge and visibility to this kind of campaign. The more radical end of the anti-prison movement is the prison abolition side, with important folks like Angela Davis and Ruth Wilson Gilmore, and awesome orgs like Critical Resistance and perhaps on a less explicitly abolitionist platform, the ACLU, at the forefront. It would be great if he could lend his experiences and thoughts on the prison system to the movement; although I could see how T.I. may not be considered the most "reputable" of representatives, I say fuck it - this movement would be all about the people and families and their cause anyway.
Who knows if he has really been thinking about his experiences in this way, but then even better, because it can become a 2 way educational opportunity.
Just some thoughts that may not turn into action at this point, but I think it's something to consider if T.I. ever gets wind of this kind of work and decides he's interesting in lending a helping hand.
After watching this video and seeing the comment about the album name changing from "King Uncaged" to "No Mercy," I recalled hearing on the radio that T.I., after recently being released from prison, is going to be put back in because of some weapon charges or some violation of probation, something along those lines. The report indicated that he pleaded not to be sent back to prison after just getting out, but it seemed the judge wasn't having any of that. That, at least, is the impression I got from that story. I'll have to check my sources later.
Anyhow, as involved as I've become in the prisoner reentry campaign that will be starting up foreal at the end of this year, it made me think that T.I. could really lend some knowledge and visibility to this kind of campaign. The more radical end of the anti-prison movement is the prison abolition side, with important folks like Angela Davis and Ruth Wilson Gilmore, and awesome orgs like Critical Resistance and perhaps on a less explicitly abolitionist platform, the ACLU, at the forefront. It would be great if he could lend his experiences and thoughts on the prison system to the movement; although I could see how T.I. may not be considered the most "reputable" of representatives, I say fuck it - this movement would be all about the people and families and their cause anyway.
Who knows if he has really been thinking about his experiences in this way, but then even better, because it can become a 2 way educational opportunity.
Just some thoughts that may not turn into action at this point, but I think it's something to consider if T.I. ever gets wind of this kind of work and decides he's interesting in lending a helping hand.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Great quote on prisons.
From the Real Cost of Prisons Weblog, on article titled, "Final Call: Report: Modern-Day Debtors' Prisons Devastating the Poor" --
According to Kurt Kaaekuahiwi, an intern with Critical Resistance, the definite intent of debtors' prisons is to keep people within the system, but resources should be put into educational or job training programs within prisons to help those men and women re-entering secure jobs once they are released.
“We have to divest from policing, divest from incarceration, and divest from prison expansion. Obviously, these monies that are being appropriated are through the general fund, which is from our tax dollars, and being used to further criminalize, stigmatize, and keep us trapped in the system, but that money is not used to support our needs of affordable housing or job opportunities,” he said.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Really now
I feel so disconnected from everything LSAT, because whereas LSAT blogs are analyzing the October LSAT and fellow friends are rejoicing in their completion of the test, I, a score cancel-ee, still have the December test to look towards.
I am eagerly awaiting a post on the December LSAT and maybe a few words of encouragement in that department. But considering the non-popularity of that particular test administering, I doubt there will be much of that, if any at all.
There's so much to think about when it comes to that test, and mostly I have to stay away from putting myself down for not being able to pull it together by October. I would have needed a 20 point score increase, and I just couldn't do it. I'm halfway there and hoping I can manage 10 more in the next 2 months.
In any case, I just have to keep reminding myself that my future is riding on those 3 precious numbers that make up my score, and if it is anything less than a 1, a 7, and a 0, then I'm probably screwed.
I am eagerly awaiting a post on the December LSAT and maybe a few words of encouragement in that department. But considering the non-popularity of that particular test administering, I doubt there will be much of that, if any at all.
There's so much to think about when it comes to that test, and mostly I have to stay away from putting myself down for not being able to pull it together by October. I would have needed a 20 point score increase, and I just couldn't do it. I'm halfway there and hoping I can manage 10 more in the next 2 months.
In any case, I just have to keep reminding myself that my future is riding on those 3 precious numbers that make up my score, and if it is anything less than a 1, a 7, and a 0, then I'm probably screwed.
Monday, October 11, 2010
So. Overdue.
There are a million things I've been wanting to write about, but things have been so incredibly crazy the past 6 months or so that I haven't had the time or the energy to sit down and hash it out.
I'm not going to be able to do it now either, which is a bummer, but I guess I can force some of it out and see where this post takes me.
On a happy note, Dok has finally made it over, which has been, well, in adventure, in so many words. But I'm happy to be able to share all of my joyous and sad times with him now. We can struggle together, and it's a good feeling.
I am now full-time at work! We had our huge conference in September and although it was the craziest week of my entire life (working 12-17 hour days everyday, for 7 days), our tiny staff pulled off a huge success and it was the best feeling ever. I guess we staff in LA were also rewarded, as we're both full time here now. It's exactly what I had wanted and hoped for, but thought could never happen. It feels good to love your job. I'm learning so much, becoming connected to some good people, and all in all, feeling fulfilled with the time I am putting into this mini-career. It's definitely not a radical environment, but it provides me with exposure to some people and places I never would have met or seen otherwise.
LSATs are and will always be, a struggle. I took the October test, but due to illness ended up canceling. It was a tough decision, but I guess just as well...I wasn't where I wanted to be score-wise anyway. Going to see if I can pull it back together and retake in December, hopefully with a 10 point score increase! We can dream, right?
Taiko has also been a toughie...for more reasons than one that I won't enumerate here, but all I can say is that I hope it gets better soon. If it continues to stress me out...well, I hate to say it, but I just might have to rule it out as a continued activity, because there are already a million things on my plate.
Prison re-entry work has been on and off when I can find the time, but I have entered myself into the program/campaign as a more involved volunteer. I hope that I can keep it up, but it really is discouraging with everything that I know I already have to do. What is great about this involvement is that it is only twice monthly, and doesn't demand any more than I can give. Now if only to really be strict about what I can ACTUALLY give, rather than what I want to give. That's definitely, without a doubt, the hardest part. I think though, if I can really stick with it, I could gain a lot of perspective and of course, build a good resume and a good cause for myself to believe in. I miss the Progressive sphere, and this is my outlet. Without it I'd probably be lost.
Currently reading my first Bell Hooks book, upon Aya's recommendation, on Feminism. She is the most amazing progressive-minded writer you will ever read. Clear, concise, and so down. It's amazing how much of a wealth of knowledge her writings hold. Also helps me stay connected and remain critical about the world around me.
Speaking of which, the intersection of progressivism and US-Japan relations (think: global issues) has really been taunting my mind lately. I still haven't been able to articulate to myself what all of that really means for me, but I suppose only time will tell. Taking the critical progressive lens into work has been an interesting challenge - one I haven't yet been able to tackle fully, but one, I hope, with time, will enable me to emerge out of this experience an even more sharply-minded person.
Going to study with sister on Friday, which will be fun, and then seeing Aya and Jason on Saturday for PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! So excited!!!!
I'm not going to be able to do it now either, which is a bummer, but I guess I can force some of it out and see where this post takes me.
On a happy note, Dok has finally made it over, which has been, well, in adventure, in so many words. But I'm happy to be able to share all of my joyous and sad times with him now. We can struggle together, and it's a good feeling.
I am now full-time at work! We had our huge conference in September and although it was the craziest week of my entire life (working 12-17 hour days everyday, for 7 days), our tiny staff pulled off a huge success and it was the best feeling ever. I guess we staff in LA were also rewarded, as we're both full time here now. It's exactly what I had wanted and hoped for, but thought could never happen. It feels good to love your job. I'm learning so much, becoming connected to some good people, and all in all, feeling fulfilled with the time I am putting into this mini-career. It's definitely not a radical environment, but it provides me with exposure to some people and places I never would have met or seen otherwise.
LSATs are and will always be, a struggle. I took the October test, but due to illness ended up canceling. It was a tough decision, but I guess just as well...I wasn't where I wanted to be score-wise anyway. Going to see if I can pull it back together and retake in December, hopefully with a 10 point score increase! We can dream, right?
Taiko has also been a toughie...for more reasons than one that I won't enumerate here, but all I can say is that I hope it gets better soon. If it continues to stress me out...well, I hate to say it, but I just might have to rule it out as a continued activity, because there are already a million things on my plate.
Prison re-entry work has been on and off when I can find the time, but I have entered myself into the program/campaign as a more involved volunteer. I hope that I can keep it up, but it really is discouraging with everything that I know I already have to do. What is great about this involvement is that it is only twice monthly, and doesn't demand any more than I can give. Now if only to really be strict about what I can ACTUALLY give, rather than what I want to give. That's definitely, without a doubt, the hardest part. I think though, if I can really stick with it, I could gain a lot of perspective and of course, build a good resume and a good cause for myself to believe in. I miss the Progressive sphere, and this is my outlet. Without it I'd probably be lost.
Currently reading my first Bell Hooks book, upon Aya's recommendation, on Feminism. She is the most amazing progressive-minded writer you will ever read. Clear, concise, and so down. It's amazing how much of a wealth of knowledge her writings hold. Also helps me stay connected and remain critical about the world around me.
Speaking of which, the intersection of progressivism and US-Japan relations (think: global issues) has really been taunting my mind lately. I still haven't been able to articulate to myself what all of that really means for me, but I suppose only time will tell. Taking the critical progressive lens into work has been an interesting challenge - one I haven't yet been able to tackle fully, but one, I hope, with time, will enable me to emerge out of this experience an even more sharply-minded person.
Going to study with sister on Friday, which will be fun, and then seeing Aya and Jason on Saturday for PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! So excited!!!!
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