Is it okay

to tell a white guy who asks you "out" that you don't date white guys?

I guess for me, it's hard to make the presumption that the hangout is "like that."

---

Went to Maui this past weekend - it was a whirlwind of performances, but such a great experience. Good bonding time with Sensei and Chizuko and Emi too.

More later.

(Also, a quick shoutout to Nessa, Kirstie, Mr. Hyphen, and Lisa. haha. Thanks for your uplifting comments! Will update on Trask book soon)

A Proper Hawaii Post, finally.

So I apologize to those of you who have been kind enough to read - I promised updates about Hawai'i, but for lack of a camera for documentation, I've just been spewing inner thoughts and complaining about my busy schedule.

I decided, to start, I would update on things that have already happened a while ago - my first week in Honolulu with my family (we family vacationed the first week here), and then a couple of other pictures from outings.

Here goes!

My family stayed in Waikiki, at the Doubletree, and one of our outings (probably the best) was to the Polynesian Cultural Center. Think of this as...a theme park of Pacific Islands, like Disneyland, only instead of Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, and Frontierland, you have...Fiji, Aotearoa, Samoa, Tonga, etc.

Pictures are above captions.

There was a "canoe pageant" - think, canoe parade, where each island had a feature dance/performance. Pretty cool. I chose Samoa's picture because they're wearing purple, my favorite color in the whole world. And each island seemed to have a "personality." I liked theirs best.

Mixed feelings about the Cultural Center - I think the education part is pretty legit, but because it's so geared to tourists, it's sort of a double edged sword, if you know what I mean.

We also went to the Bishop Museum - it has exhibitions on Native Hawaiian culture and history, artifacts, and so on.

With Mom and Dad. Yays.

With sister! Cool sculptures.

We also got to visit a beach - Lanikai Beach, which is way pretty and very empty (it's got no facilities, so not that many people frequent it. Most go to Hanauma Bay, which is a couple of miles away). Sis's pics captures some of the beauty.

We happened upon the part of the beach that didn't have...the part of the beach where you'd lay down and chill on your towel, so here I am like what the fuck. I want to swim but not stay wet the whole day.


Once we found what we were looking for though, the swim was amazing. The water was a perfect temperature, so clean, and so fun to swim in. Too bad I haven't been back since! In time, though, in time.

I also broke my pescatarian diet here in Hawaii - a turning over of a new leaf, and I was just craving bacon like hell.

I just said fuck it and indulged. It was the most amazing feeling in my life until after I finished my meal. I didn't get sick...I just felt greasy. It's better now. I can have Volcano Tacos from Taco Bell. That shit is good. I had four of them tonight.

So forward a couple of weeks, and my new friend Aichan, who's on the taiko team, decided to take me and Kelsey, one my roommates, out on a touristy journey.


We ended up at the Dole Plantation! Another technically fucked up tourist exploit, but eh. Aichan was nice enough to take us, and it was cool to at least see. Lots of white people. From left to right, that's Kelsey, Raceson (Aichan's son), and yours truly.
DOLE WHIP. Exactly like what you can get at Disneyland, except huge and totally worth it.

Then, to SHRIMP!! In North Shore there's a shitload of shrimp trucks that serve amazing garlic shrimp. Romy's isn't a truck, but the shrimp is still amazing. This is what Kelsey calls my shrimp face, with mah hair all messy and shiet. SHRIMPSIES!!!!

Yah so that's all for now. In case you haven't noticed, these pics (and way more) are also on facebook. But I just thought I'd add some Candice commentary to add some relevance to this blog.

Also, watched Katt Williams on Comedy Central tonight. He's fucking hilarious! Highly recommend watching.

I get my new camera from Aya in the next week or two, so expect more updates after that. Meanwhile, thank GOD for gchat.

Going to the movies with my kids tomorrow for some hangout time. There's this $1 theater in downtown Honolulu that shows out-of-theaters-but-not-yet-on-DVD movies. Awesome. And, I promised them popcorn. On me.

Down with the system! Any system!

I usually try and avoid double-posting in one day because I feel like it trivializes the first, but I can't wait the 8 minutes for it to be another day. I just wanted to post before I forgot, that this is my new book:


And when my boss saw it, he jokingly asked, "Are you an anarchist?"

This is my law office boss, who's cool and all that, admitted he was middle of the road politically and in life. And I told him, "mm, not quite. But anti-capitalist."

I guess this attorney is pretty representative of (or at least, stereotypical of) local Hawaiians out here. Shame.

The injustices suffered here are eerily similar to that of American Indians, and I predict that this book will make me angrier at Hawaii (politically).


Gotta love it.

Check it

Scott posted this too, but I'll do it anyway. I got it from UCLA folks. (And - congrats Scott on finalist-ing for Mr. Hyphen!)

This is Your Nation on White Privilege

Sep 13, 2008 By Tim Wise
Wise's ZSpace Page / ZSpace (also on his blog at www.timwise.org )

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who
are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it,
perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol
Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your
family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you
or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black
and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified
as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck,"
like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone
messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about how
you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a
responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather
than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six
years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of,
then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to
achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as
unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first
place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state
with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island
of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people
don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S.
Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means
you're "untested."

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under
God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for
the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately
disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was
written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until
the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and
terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you
used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous
and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make
people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to
have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that
wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska
first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family,
while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11
memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school,
people immediately think she's being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and
the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of
women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end
to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if
you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month
governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in
college--you're some how being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even
agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the
ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made
them give your party a "second look."

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your
political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being
a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and
merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in
Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose
pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize
George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly
Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian
theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who
say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for
rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good
church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black
pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of
Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign
policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on
black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by
a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you
such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give
one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging
the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has
anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a
"light" burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly
allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W.
Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing,
people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is
increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters
aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too
vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which
is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

Tim Wise is the author of White Like Me (Soft Skull, 2005, revised
2008), and of Speaking Treason Fluently, publishing this month, also
by Soft Skull. For review copies or interview requests, please reply
to publicity@softskull.com

Goodbye, My Almost Lover, You Can Go to Hell

this will never happen again, by the way

megcand writes:

Hawaii can be great, but I think more than anything I"m confused about what I'm supposed to be feeling and what I actually am feeling.

I miss home, I miss my family, I miss my friends - not enough to want to leave - but enough to make me wonder how long it will take to adjust.

I feel unfulfilled in some way and I dont really know why or how. I just feel - not right. Not completely happy. Satisfied, or well, maybe not even that. I can stand things this way, but if it continues I wont be happy with this experience, and I dont want that.

Maybe I'm just tired, but nights bring such emo thoughts and its weird. I dunno. I dont even know what I"m writing, I'm just tired. I dont even care about typos or whatever and I'm usually so meticulous about that stuff.

DAH! I know, trust myself, my instincts, that inner guidance - I think I do feel it around the corner, but I dunno when it'll come to me, and I kind of want it soon.

all in due time, i suppose.

There is no secret ingredient

Life here is full of adjustments, of that there is no doubt. I've just been trying to get used to, well, my schedule mostly, but also, I dunno, just, a whole new life.

For one thing, all of those things they say about collegiate taiko - about the "real world" taiko not being that, about other taiko not being that - that's true. Collegiate taiko is not TP, and TP is not KETE. I guess all in all, taiko groups are just not the same.

More than the rigorous schedules and expectations, which are exactly what I was looking for in a year-long taiko experience to help me become more experienced, well-rounded, and well, good, I think I most have to adjust to the new personality of this taiko team. It's the black to the white I knew before, the all-new to the all-too-familiar.

Although I miss things about Kyodo, and definitely some things about TP, and even Prota, I think I'm trying to take it all in, in a matter that's - well, I guess, going to help me make the most of this experience. I already feel things about me changing, physically, and I'm constantly learning new things about what taiko IS, what taiko means, and what taiko can be - both to KETE, and to me.

I could go on forever about that - but bottom line - it's a whole new game.

I also...miss kendo. And that's weird to me, because I always think of having chosen Taiko over Kendo - Kendo was that thing I was forced to do, all these years growing up, until I got to UCLA, found taiko, and made a choice.

Taiko is to Kenny Sensei what Kendo is to my dad, and I think making that connection - missing my family, missing that culture back home - is also making me miss Kendo. The disciplined culture of Japanese Taiko is very similar to that of Kendo - hierachical, yes, but that aside - very strongly tied to Japanese culture, one that I grew up with in that kendo world. I think I also relate Kendo to a part of my life, a part of me, that a lot of my college friends don't know - I did Kendo with the UCLA team for a year, but after that, I was Kyodo-NSU-APC Candice. Not Kendo Sayuri. Definitely different, and a part of myself I'm thinking of reclaiming.

Maybe Hawaii is a crossroads of what seemed before like two completely separate parts of my life, and my time here will let me patch the two together, for a more holistic understanding of what my 22 years mean.

Deep, huh? I'm getting a headache.

--

I've also met people, seen things, done things, that strangely, in the most cliche way possible, have begun to teach me to appreciate all the things I've always taken for granted.

Like - working in a family law firm? Makes me so grateful, and almost baffled - that my parents have stayed together, seemingly happily, and have done so well together the past 25 years.

Meeting an amazingly strong woman, who's been through so much hardship, and lost loved ones suddenly, makes me feel lucky to still have my family, and have them well.

Being away from organizing work and in a society that perpetuates its own oppression makes me see how much of a gem LA progressive work is.

It's kind of weird - even surreal - and right now I guess I don't really know what to make of it.

Kung Fu Panda is a good movie, and I need to eat. Thai curry and sticky rice, here I come.

GNN

Anderson Cooper was on Sesame Street.

Love it.

I really cried

Although I know there have been doubts and speculation as to the true accuracy of the autobiography, I still was very moved by Haley's epilogue to Malcolm X's life story.

Here was a man who wasn't afraid to fire-brand speak about the truths within his community. He started out angry and, after Mecca, adopted a whole new humanitarian perspective on life. We talk about being too afraid or unsure about ourselves to talk about what we're really thinking or feeling, and Malcolm X was no such type. Thank goodness.

I won't summarize the story, but I think this book has provided me with what I need while I'm here - it's hard to explain without sounding boringly cliche, but I feel something sparked - a new kind of energy and perspective I've taken from this piece.

I've earmarked and post-it marked various pages for quoting...and thought I would want to type them out, but now I'd rather not. It seems too...what's the word? predictable to do.




--
So many thoughts and too little time to be able to articulate them.

Becoming increasingly angry with the educational injustices here in Hawaii is one thing I've seen firsthand. I don't get why Hawaiian society isn't more keen on this problem, I'm told it's just the way people are here. Some, maybe, but not all. And why does it have to "just be that way??"

And I've joked about it, but my own perception of myself has changed a lot while I've been here. Or, more like shifted. Back in LA, it was a lot of anger and self-awareness about my being an Asian American woman, who looks young for her age, and really taking offense to anything that would seem racially and/or gender motivated. Like, really pissed off about little things.

But here, I've developed what I call JA guilt. To the situation around me. I feel guilty for being JA here, for being privileged, well-educated, financially comfortable. I feel guilty for being satisfied with my life here, for having had the option of coming here from Los Angeles to study taiko.

Teaching my kids at Kaimuki High School has been a wake up call. I'm slowly developing a new sensitivity to all the things I've been taking for granted. When others see me, instead of feeling angry because people probably think I'm some quiet, subservient Asian girl, now I feel like they see me and think, "look at that privileged East Asian, SHE has no idea what our problems are." And in a lot of ways, it's true.

Definitely, in the way of cultural sensitivity, I'm slowly learning things from my kids - little things like the celebrities I know aren't so familiar to them, or that the nuclear family is not the norm, or that I have to communicate effectively in a way that works for them in order to help them trust and understand me, and vice versa. It's sort of everything I've known in theory now being put into practice. Knowing their situation is not the same as being able to work with and understand them.

They're great kids, with a lot of interest in the world around, motivation to learn in school, bright personalities and amazing sense of humor. But the school system that is supposed to be developing them seems to be holding them back. Their basic English skills are not as developed, and it's put off as laziness or an unwillingness to work. The school administration and whoever else - couldn't be more wrong.

Here's a good example.

I was waiting for my class to start, and two of my students were in the class with me - we were just chilling, chatting a bit. Now the teacher who regularly teaches in that classroom was sitting, getting some afterschool work done. He's a white male. One of his PI students walks in, a football player-physiqued boy, and the teacher says, "Ohh, you're not going to be happy with me." The dialogue continued as follows:

"Why?"
"Because remember that pop quiz you said you took? I checked and it said you were ABSENT that day, so there's no way that you could have taken it."
"Wait what?? I was here! I took it, I remember!"
"No (name of student), you didn't. You can't lie to me, buddy, I know you were absent that day. I checked. You probably copied the answers off of the book, crumpled up the paper so it looked like it was old - I don't know where you got this paper."
"No Mister, I was here! I'm not lying! I really did it!"

and so on. Basically, the argument escalated into yelling, and the student was saying things like, "Fuck this, I'm not lying, tell me what day this was supposed to be" etc etc, and it ended in the teacher thinking he was being threatened and kicking the student out of his classroom, who was pissed off.

Now what sort of got to me was the fact that despite the accusation of lying and cheating, this student seemed SO SURE that he had taken this pop quiz.

And guess what?

The teacher later told me he was actually there and had taken the pop quiz, but the only problem was that the handwriting on his test was way different from one of his other homework papers. But this teacher was mad because he had been threatened and disrespected.

Okay so. One thing, fine, you were cussed out by a student, that's understandable to want to be mad, whatever.

BUT BOTTOM LINE!? This teacher didn't even TRY to help out this student. And the fact that he was checking handwriting tells me that after he realized that the student was present and that he, the teacher, was wrong, he still found some way to make the student wrong and bad, dishonest, etc.

This teacher also listed me as a reference for this kid's referral, in case someone needed to verify his story that he'd be threatened. Nobody's come to talk to me yet (my guess is they totally just suspended the kid anyway, which is fucked up), but if they do I'll tell them what I think, and what I saw. I wish I could have done something to stand up for him, but it really wasn't my place to do so since I wasn't supposed to be in the room.

Although since my name was on the referral as a "witness," maybe it was my place, in which case I suck. Not to make excuses, but I seriously didn't know what to do.

Well, next time I know.

I know this post is really long, but venting was overdue. I wish I could do something to help these kids - someone just needs to have more faith in them.

OR maybe I'm just too idealistic. I dunno. I'm going to start with my kids, and see where we can take it from there.

Til next time, world.

Yes, that's it

I'll explain it this way, sir. If some men are in a car, driving with a destination in mind, and you know they are going the wrong way, but they are convinced they are going the right way, then you get into the car with them, and ride with them, talking - and finally when they see they are on the wrong road, not getting where they were intending, then you tell them, and they will listen to you then, what road to take.

Malcolm X, as documented by Alex Haley


And yes Kirstie, I will gladly eat a malasada for you!

Maybe you deserved it, idiots

Sylvia Grice and Dorranne Leggett are DUMB.

And Kim Jae Wook is a hot male.


More on Malcolm X coming soon. I finally finished the book! Rejoice.

My new relationship with a Korean drama

Excuse the teenybopper interlude, but meet - My new lover. I officially watched 3 hours of this biz today.

I need to get out more...OR maybe this is just what I need to destress.

With faces like this, who could go wrong?



Meet Kim Jae Wook, who's actually J. Thanks, tiffanykimchiland, whoever you are.

my brain is frying

In other news, Leonard's Malasadas are great, and I ate chicken today, after a long day of TOO MUCH TAIKO. (not always a bad thing.)

Give Me Liberty, or Give Me a Molotov Cocktail

I am sorry to say I haven't been watching the RNC (or the DNC, for that matter) for lack of both time and attention span, but I have been keeping up at work, thanks to CNN.com.

I just read McCain's speech from yesterday, and yes yes I know, everyone's all abuzz about McCain and Palin and what idiots (most) Republicans are.

What gets me most though, is this: McCain talked about these couples and families who work hard and struggle to do good for their country. They are schoolteachers, folks who work with the disabled community, American soldiers - and most of all, WHITE PEOPLE. You know how, when you read a fortune from a fortune cookie, some sillies like to add "in bed" at the end of each life prediction to make it more interesting?

Well, to some degree, we can do the same to McCain's speech. Only add "white people" at the end of nearly every sentence - and you'll get from him what he REALLY means in his promises to the country. Here are a few examples.

We believe in a government that unleashes the creativity and initiative of Americans, government that doesn't make your choices for you, but works to make sure you have more choices to make for yourself (if you are white).


All these functions of government were designed before the rise of the global economy, the information technology revolution, and the end of the Cold War. We have to catch up to history, and we have to change the way we do business in Washington (for white people).

I will keep taxes low and cut them where I can (for white people). My opponent will raise them. I will open...

I will open new markets to our goods and services (to white people). My opponent will close them.

I will cut government spending (for white people). He will increase it.

My friends, I've been an imperfect servant of my country for many years. But I've been her servant first, last, and always. And I've never...

I've never lived a day, in good times or bad, that I didn't thank God for the privilege (of being white). --> haha if he even knew....

I know how the military works, what it can do, what it can do better, and what it shouldn't do. I know how the world works (for white people). I know the good and the evil in it.

I know how to work with leaders who share our dreams of a freer, safer and more prosperous world (for white people), and how to stand up to those who don't.

I know how to secure the peace (for white people).

Aaand I could go forever. His ending, especially, all that "fight with me" business, you could add in that caveat everywhere. (Fight with me and white people. Fight for what's right for our country and white people. Fight for justice and opportunity for all white people, etc.)

Of course, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I mean a certain class and type of white people, but I feel very justified in generalizing in this way. (I feel inclined to qualify my statements to make sure people understand I know what I'm doing)

McCain mentions "the Latina daughter of migrant workers," but bullshit. He has no idea how to address their inequities and hardships.

DAHHH, you people.

Wada Akiko Ramen!!

If you get why this is so awesome and so funny you win at life.

Marry Me, Stephen Colbert

I would never marry a white man, unless his name were of that in the title.

Or perhaps Colville. Well, I wouldn't really marry him, but he does a good job in this video (thanks Scott). And I'm not technologically savvy enough to do it the fancy way, so here's a link.

Ooh, Palin is "qualified."

I swear to the God I'm Agnostic about, this white Congresswoman gives a bad name to all self-aware women, self-proclaimed feminists, and really, anyone who has taken the gender card to be a sign of real change. If she thinks she can bullshit her way through this argument about Palin, then she is very wrong, and living, tangible proof of why Republicans should NOT be in office. I mean, REALLY!?

I wasn't going to blog today for lack of energy, but watching Stephen Colbert, coming across that video, and finding out the saddest news I think I've ever heard in my life inspired me enough to at least update.

The news?

LISA FU IS LEAVING NAPAWF!

The world as I know it is crumbling down on me, and I don't know what to do!

Okay seriously, it kind of is. But I know's she's moving onto, as I told her, "bigger and better things," because Lisa Fu is probably the most amazing, down, and empowered woman I have ever met. Easily one of my life heroes, and I hope she knows that. I'm just so sad that if I come back to NAPAWF it won't be with her. Selfish, I know, but I can't help itttttttttt

A moment of silence.





---
I talked to Aya on Skype the other day, and that was nice. Great to hear her voice. We definitely chatted and caught up for about 2 hours.

Labor Day was hangout time with Kelsey and Ai-chan. Good times! A nice, touristy drive out to North Shore - my first time, and it was definitely a lot of fun. Yum shrimp from Romy's, even after a 40 million hour wait in line. Yay Kelsey! Yay Ai-chan!

In other news, Hawaii has been good to me, but my skin has been reacting very adversely the past few days to the heat. I have heat rash all over my neck and face. As bad as it sounds, it's at least not red and swollen. Let's just hope it goes away.

Had a great gchat convo with Alex Lowe today, while at work, about Erotic Horror as a movie genre, courtesy of the Japanese film industry. As he so eloquently put it, "AHH! oh. titties."

Taiko intensities are about to begin, and I never thought I would have to be this busy here. I suppose I enjoy being busy. It's better than the unproductive alternative. Taiko, no matter how intense, will always be enjoyable for me I think. Yikes. Learned lots today in practice(s), and am pretty excited, albeit a little nervous, for the start of the new term. This is real talk now.

(Real talk? Taiko is going to kill me)

Too tired to continue. Class tomorrow, I hope it goes well.