Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Lots of thoughts and expectations for the New Year.

I know it's still premature to go into a reflection of the oh-so-interesting 2010 year, but I feel like I need to do this, though briefly.

Here's to a great Christmas that I will try my hardest to appreciate, but I'm basically just waiting for this year to be over.

Between moving and readjusting to LA life, studying for the LSAT, learning more about relationships, gaining 10-15 lbs whilst studying for the LSAT, struggling with taiko in this new city, entering a new and unexpected job niche, dealing with financials, and basically rethinking my whole game plan, it's been maybe a bit of a blessing, but all in all?  A Real Bitch.

Seriously.  It was my Chinese zodiac year - the year of the Tiger - which I thought was supposed to be good luck and fortune and good times all around.

Boy was I in for a surprise.  I can't even really express here now what a rough ride it's really been, but trust me when I say it has.  This is definitely a year that will change me forever, I think.

It's the first time maybe, as much as I hate to admit even a shred of it, that real life has kicked in.  It's a whole new set of challenges and troubles, and I obviously didn't handle it all very well.  It was like all at once, my life was turning and changing directions in every way possible. College was a blast, Hawai'i was an amazing, dreamy transition, and now LA wakes me up with a huge bucket of cold water to the face.

I blame my weight gain on the LSAT - I'm still horrified and surprised all at once that I've let it physically get this far - but really I think eating became my way of coping with all the stress that I had to deal with in ALL aspects of my life, really.  I just didn't know how else to handle it.   I know that will pass in time, but geezus!  Reality is cruel.  On my body.

I know this is all a part of that "journey" - I do still know that it's all for the best because I will make it that way - but goodbye for now to all that idealism I came out of school and the islands with.  Things just don't work out the way you want or expect, at least not all the time and not always in the short term.

In any case, going to focus tonight and tomorrow on appreciating all the great things in my life and the amazing people and support I have around me, because without that and them I never would have made it through the year.  Without a doubt.

So with that, I hope that everyone enjoys this holiday season.  I know I will be celebrating the end of one chapter and the beginning of the rest of my life!  Like in Tangled.  harhar.  Merry Christmas, world.  Hope it's a happy season for everyone because that's the true nature and spirit of Christmas, after all: being with the people you love and cherish the most, and appreciating all of the great things around you.

What has happened to my life

This is a very bad time in my life.

Everything seems stressful, and to top it all off, I've gained an inexcusable amount of weight.  Like, VISIBLY.  This means at least 10 pounds.

I feel so miserable and mopey, and I have to take the LSAT tomorrow with all of this negativity on my shoulders.  I just can't seem to shake it off.  I can't even say I at least feel good about myself right now.

And then of course, amidst all the stress my body gives up and now I have a bad cold.  If I feel too sick tomorrow (and I will still have to take the test), all the work I've done on this damn test for the past SIX MONTHS of my life is for naught.  I really just feel like shit.

This is really the closest thing I have to any diary, and I haven't had nearly enough time spent here.

I guess some positives are that the holidays are coming up, the test will soon be over, which means I can diet and and exercise my ASS OFF, and the people I care most about are here for me.  But if only I could just lose the weight right here and now.  I can see the fat in my face and mirrors have now become my enemy.