Women

As a side note, I now have a work-related blog to place many of the articles and relevant thoughts that come across my desk.  It's mostly US-Japan related topics of course, but with a global perspective, many other factors inevitably come into play.

Most recently, this topic of women in the workplace.  It's one of the main topics our organization has been tackling, and there is actually a group of women affiliated with, or a part of, our organization, that are dedicating to researching and collaborating on this, figuring out how to work with Japanese women, how it affects both the US and Japan, strategizing, planning, etc.

But what frustrated me, mainly today, was a report I received via email regarding the trends that are affecting Japanese women today.  These trends, no doubt, are affecting women, but the kinds of things that are attributed to women are so surface level, and not really delving into the real issues that cause women to bear social hardship, particularly in the workplace.

There's even a comparison drawn to "Eat Pray Love," and, admittedly, because of all the race-gender-class perspectives I read about on that movie, it made me think that we can't really talk about women without addressing the rest of those lenses.

Within the organization as it pertains to this topic, there are discussions on how corporations are helping women advance by taking into consideration their diverse backgrounds and needs, "challenging" the status quo, encouraging a progressive working environment....

Although at face value, and probably to most people, it sounds great and exciting and effective, when we really take it apart, it's not challenging anything.  Sure, working within the system is great, especially for big corporations like Deloitte, but to say they're challenging the status quo especially is a longshot.  Corporations are, inherently, not only a part of, but upholding status quo.  This, of course, should go without saying.

So really when I see things like this "report" - which, it is worth noting, was put together by Japanese businesswomen and researchers but is being distributed and presented by a man - it's frustrating.  Where is the real work to address these women, and why isn't our organization questioning these things?

Of course, as a nonpartisan nonprofit organization I suppose that would complicate things too much. It would offend our membership, our corporate sponsors (we even have defense corps donating major funds), and all those other important people who benefit the most from the status quo.  Challenge the system?  Are you kidding? It just goes to show how a non-progressive organization can sometimes just prove...well, ineffective for people like me.

I was just thinking

And I am dead serious, that T.I. knows probably as well as any former incarcerated person, what the prison system is like, and how it affects an individual's life.

After watching this video and seeing the comment about the album name changing from "King Uncaged" to "No Mercy," I recalled hearing on the radio that T.I., after recently being released from prison, is going to be put back in because of some weapon charges or some violation of probation, something along those lines.  The report indicated that he pleaded not to be sent back to prison after just getting out, but it seemed the judge wasn't having any of that.  That, at least, is the impression I got from that story.  I'll have to check my sources later.

Anyhow, as involved as I've become in the prisoner reentry campaign that will be starting up foreal at the end of this year, it made me think that T.I. could really lend some knowledge and visibility to this kind of campaign.  The more radical end of the anti-prison movement is the prison abolition side, with important folks like Angela Davis and Ruth Wilson Gilmore, and awesome orgs like Critical Resistance and perhaps on a less explicitly abolitionist platform, the ACLU, at the forefront.  It would be great if he could lend his experiences and thoughts on the prison system to the movement; although I could see how T.I. may not be considered the most "reputable" of representatives, I say fuck it - this movement would be all about the people and families and their cause anyway.

Who knows if he has really been thinking about his experiences in this way, but then even better, because it can become a 2 way educational opportunity.

Just some thoughts that may not turn into action at this point, but I think it's something to consider if T.I. ever gets wind of this kind of work and decides he's interesting in lending a helping hand.

Great quote on prisons.

From the Real Cost of Prisons Weblog, on article titled, "Final Call: Report: Modern-Day Debtors' Prisons Devastating the Poor" --

According to Kurt Kaaekuahiwi, an intern with Critical Resistance, the definite intent of debtors' prisons is to keep people within the system, but resources should be put into educational or job training programs within prisons to help those men and women re-entering secure jobs once they are released.


“We have to divest from policing, divest from incarceration, and divest from prison expansion. Obviously, these monies that are being appropriated are through the general fund, which is from our tax dollars, and being used to further criminalize, stigmatize, and keep us trapped in the system, but that money is not used to support our needs of affordable housing or job opportunities,” he said.

Really now

I feel so disconnected from everything LSAT, because whereas LSAT blogs are analyzing the October LSAT and fellow friends are rejoicing in their completion of the test, I, a score cancel-ee, still have the December test to look towards.

I am eagerly awaiting a post on the December LSAT and maybe a few words of encouragement in that department.  But considering the non-popularity of that particular test administering, I doubt there will be much of that, if any at all.

There's so much to think about when it comes to that test, and mostly I have to stay away from putting myself down for not being able to pull it together by October.  I would have needed a 20 point score increase, and I just couldn't do it.  I'm halfway there and hoping I can manage 10 more in the next 2 months.

In any case, I just have to keep reminding myself that my future is riding on those 3 precious numbers that make up my score, and if it is anything less than a 1, a 7, and a 0, then I'm probably screwed.

So. Overdue.

There are a million things I've been wanting to write about, but things have been so incredibly crazy the past 6 months or so that I haven't had the time or the energy to sit down and hash it out.

I'm not going to be able to do it now either, which is a bummer, but I guess I can force some of it out and see where this post takes me.

On a happy note, Dok has finally made it over, which has been, well, in adventure, in so many words.  But I'm happy to be able to share all of my joyous and sad times with him now.  We can struggle together, and it's a good feeling.

I am now full-time at work!  We had our huge conference in September and although it was the craziest week of my entire life (working 12-17 hour days everyday, for 7 days), our tiny staff pulled off a huge success and it was the best feeling ever.  I guess we staff in LA were also rewarded, as we're both full time here now.  It's exactly what I had wanted and hoped for, but thought could never happen.  It feels good to love your job.  I'm learning so much, becoming connected to some good people, and all in all, feeling fulfilled with the time I am putting into this mini-career.  It's definitely not a radical environment, but it provides me with exposure to some people and places I never would have met or seen otherwise.

LSATs are and will always be, a struggle.  I took the October test, but due to illness ended up canceling.  It was a tough decision, but I guess just as well...I wasn't where I wanted to be score-wise anyway.  Going to see if I can pull it back together and retake in December, hopefully with a 10 point score increase!  We can dream, right?

Taiko has also been a toughie...for more reasons than one that I won't enumerate here, but all I can say is that I hope it gets better soon.  If it continues to stress me out...well, I hate to say it, but I just might have to rule it out as a continued activity, because there are already a million things on my plate.

Prison re-entry work has been on and off when I can find the time, but I have entered myself into the program/campaign as a more involved volunteer.  I hope that I can keep it up, but it really is discouraging with everything that I know I already have to do.  What is great about this involvement is that it is only twice monthly, and doesn't demand any more than I can give.  Now if only to really be strict about what I can ACTUALLY give, rather than what I want to give.  That's definitely, without a doubt, the hardest part.  I think though, if I can really stick with it, I could gain a lot of perspective and of course, build a good resume and a good cause for myself to believe in.  I miss the Progressive sphere, and this is my outlet.  Without it I'd probably be lost.

Currently reading my first Bell Hooks book, upon Aya's recommendation, on Feminism.  She is the most amazing progressive-minded writer you will ever read.  Clear, concise, and so down.  It's amazing how much of a wealth of knowledge her writings hold.  Also helps me stay connected and remain critical about the world around me.

Speaking of which, the intersection of progressivism and US-Japan relations (think: global issues) has really been taunting my mind lately.  I still haven't been able to articulate to myself what all of that really means for me, but I suppose only time will tell.  Taking the critical progressive lens into work has been an interesting challenge - one I haven't yet been able to tackle fully, but one, I hope, with time, will enable me to emerge out of this experience an even more sharply-minded person.

Going to study with sister on Friday, which will be fun, and then seeing Aya and Jason on Saturday for PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!  So excited!!!!

Memory has been kind

Had the chance to reconnect with (aka read, for the first time in years) an old blog that I had kept, secretly, for the purpose of pouring out my most intimate, emotional thoughts.  Upon reading the first few entries, which were heavily depressing and weighed down by hopelessness, my initial thoughts were that these must be from college sometime, when things were unmistakably difficult for multiple reasons.

But at the end of one entry, after coming across an "ew, Geckos!" type statement, I realized these sad sentiments were from my first few months in Hawai'i.  I had felt so alone, so burdened, and kind of scared, then all at once frustrated because the transition was stressful.  Of course, a majority of this experience on the island came from having to cut myself off, cold turkey, from an unhealthy relationship-type...well, relationship, but all in all I think I felt so out of my element.

I'm kind of in a similar place now, only just with the transition part.  Having to start over, a little bit, and in a different way than Hawai'i, but I keep telling myself I will eventually get to a good, comfortable, established point.

I didn't even remember that I had moments like that in Hawai'i because the latter portion of my stay there was incomparably amazing and marked by so many defining and beautiful memories.  I am hoping that the same will be true of my experiences here now, back in LA, back home, with familiar places and people.

At the same time, I'm hoping that I can finally, at some point, get to a good place in this job especially.  I've decided I do want this, I do want to be here, so badly, and most of all, I want to be important to this organization.  I don't know where or when this change of heart came, but I know that at least for now, this is what I'm putting my efforts into.  But it is hard, because there are numerous occurrences that make me feel like I'm not good enough for this position, or at least...the way that the position is structured and set up, I'll never make it to where I want to be.

I'm real good at putting myself down these days, so the struggle to stay positive has been a tough one, especially when new staff over on the other side are much more invested and connected in so much less time.

I suppose it'll have to take some more positive/proactive thinking and an end to the over thinking, but my ego here is pretty sensitive and fragile at best, so hopefully that can change at some point.  It's the quest to PROVE myself, if you will, not just to the people here, but to prove a point to myself also.  It's what I WANT!  And it will happen.  Being out of my element and comfort zone will prove useful and beneficial for me.  I will win over this test of character and determination.  I just don't know when.

In all likelihood it will just be a crazy rollercoaster ride for many more months, and then somewhere, BAM, I'll realize I'm in.  Like, really in.

And then from there, we'll see where I can take it, and where life will take me.

Diamond in the Rough

Things have been very busy as of late, and it's reminding me of how much I enjoyed (in a workaholic kind of way) the challenge of time-energy management.  Everything I've started the past couple of months is starting to pick up; as the new group of trainees in taiko we learned (and mini-recital style performed) our first piece, LSAT classes have been pummeling me with daily homework, and work is starting to become comfortable and is now challenging in a new, welcome way, especially with a huge first Conference coming up in September.  In all of these I'm struggling to find a purpose and my own niche - I can feel that everything is going to fit together wonderfully again somehow, but I'm not quite sure yet how or when that will happen.  Still, it's right on the horizon.  As Alex would say, that's some Alchemist shit right there.  Playing the part of the Shepherd can be a wonderful, albeit stressful, thing.

Work is a bit of a struggle because I've yet to establish some credibility, but I am feeling more invested because little by little I'm realizing how much I could learn from this organization.  Upon beginning this job I was a little disappointed because I had told myself I would work for a nonprofit...it was only this morning, in the shower, that I realized I AM working for a nonprofit, just not for the purpose I had originally pictured.  Still, on developmental, communicative, and even international affair-related levels, as a young but well-connected organization it has a lot to offer.  I'm hoping that at some point down the line I will have something to offer it as well, but only time will tell whether that will happen.  Or rather, it WILL happen, I just have to wait for the right time.

And I have to admit, Irene is incredibly inspiring.  To learn from her would be like learning from one of the masters of working the influentials.  I mean, she works it.  Like nobody else I know of.  Now if only I were in DC, I could at least see her face to face on some regular basis.  I don't have that luxury here in LA.  But the LA-DC distance is a different story altogether.

LSATs are slowly starting to come together for me - Logic Games and Logical Reasoning..and well, even Reading Comprehension - that is, the whole test - is most definitely a challenging obstacle.  But class and the piles of homework are, very slowly but (hopefully) very surely, proving to be useful.  The test is still (or maybe only) two months away, so as long as I stick with it and don't get lazy, it'll all play out just right.  When I first started I thought I'd never be able to figure out those games, so needless to say, it's like a mini-life victory when I can successfully complete even one.  I almost wish I had even MORE time to practice it all.

Taiko is exciting, but when is it not?  I am definitely looking forward to the next 2 years I'll be able to spend with the team, and it makes it all the better because I love my trainee group.  The 4 of us have a lot of fun together, and we are all able to learn relatively quickly, which means we can get it together faster and try and learn more in shorter amounts of time.  Or at least, that's my hope.  It's only been a few weeks, but really, the faster the better.

Waiting, but not in a complacent manner if that makes any sense, for everything to fall into place, as it seems it already is.  Sometimes there is so much going on in my head that I think if I don't put it down in words somewhere, i.e. here, I'll go nuts.  But I guess that's just a sign that there's a lot happening, and as a result, a lot that is going to happen in the upcoming months.  A little nervous, but mostly excited.  Let's just hope it doesn't all end up consuming me in the end.  Here's to the universe...and it's conspiratory nature.  Only, in our favor, like the old king said.