Well, kind of. I was just trying to make the title catchy.
LA's been a blast, and it was so nice seeing everyone, being home with family and the cat, going to DISNEYLAND and having the time of my life, going bowling, purikura-taking, eating Chinese food, having drinks with old friends, going on random drives....
The list goes on.
Happy New Year everyone, and thanks for reading! I fly back to Honolulu on Saturday the 3rd...and I won't be back in LA most likely until August.
Much love!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
From the plane, 11/30 (brace yourself)
Sitting on the plane back to Honolulu, I read my magazines – the ones I spent nearly $15 on – to keep myself company, since my money was stored away in the overhead cabin 2 or 3 rows away, way out of reach without inconveniencing the other passengers, and I couldn't buy a pair of 2 dollar headphones. (I’m sure the kindly gentleman in seat 23D didn’t appreciate my torso in his face when I put my bag up there to begin with.)
I read about Michelle Rhee, the chancellor or superintendent of public education in DC, and about MIA as an artist and revolutionary. Both with very different stories, doing completely different things, but sharing the goal of subversion. Rhee, with her attack on the school system in ways that both alienated and excited education proponents, and MIA, with her family activist background, unusual sound, and determined character that led to her success as a South Asian female rapper.
I thought back to my conversation with Viet about this – “subversion.” It’s the age- old question of, do we keep fighting the system, or do we just learn to work within it?
And then it led me to my own life, and my own passions about my community, about my politics and my own convictions. Different people take action in different ways – Michelle Rhee by just doing, without caring about what anyone else says, and MIA through her music. They both though, are working within the system to try and break it down.
What is my own way of breaking down the system? My own way of taking action? And why the hell do I care so much?
I definitely consider myself significantly privileged, in my everyday life – in education, materialistically, financially, even at home. I’ve had a good education thus far and have the resources to continue onto law school like I plan (knock on wood), just got a new macbook, can make just enough money to get by with parental backup as an option if not, and my family is the shit. I appreciated them before while I was in college, but I love them all the more now that I’m away in Hawaii.
The two women I just read about came from intense immigrant backgrounds and lived through some degree of intense hardship and struggle.
But then again, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I was born and raised in Boyle Heights, Los Angeles, on a street called Breed right by First and Soto streets. My parents are 14 years apart in age, my father my mother’s senior, and I only vaguely remember growing up in that house as a baby, with the vomit-green carpet and matching curtains. From watching home videos of myself and my sister growing up, I remember that I was pretty jealous of my sister when she was born, getting all the attention as a baby and all that. My mother had doted on me like crazy, being the first-born daughter that could read Dr. Seuss smoothly by the age of 2. But of course things change when a newer, cuter baby is born into the family.
Still, my parents did a good job of raising us without all that potential emotional baggage that can seep into a family’s history and subconscious.
Boyle Heights was an unforgivingly impoverished neighborhood, and it deprived our family of days out at the park, learning how to ride our bikes or run around and play ball with the neighborhood kids. Instead, my sister and I never learned how to ride bikes, and walking a block away was dangerous. We lived in something like fear, of the neighborhood gangs and drug dealing, and the occasional gunshots that would ring out in the middle of the night. Homeless folk would wander into our backyard and camp out there until my dad would scare them off with the katana (samurai swords) he owned. We were burglared a few times, but escaped any bodily harm, those 19 years we lived there. We even hated our neighbors.
In kindergarten I also attended the local school, Breed Street School, only a 2 minute walk from home. I have fond memories of that school, as the only Asian American kid (though of course I had no clue at the time) who unknowingly picked up the Spanish-accented English the other children spoke. I still made good friends, had fun, read books and stories to my classmates as the only kid who could read. It was thanks to my mom’s dedication to education that I moved on, later, in second grade, to a better-equipped magnet school.
Although an elementary school kid could never know it at the time, growing up we were in the lower middle class bracket. We had some nice things, but mostly not; with my dad working as a cook and my mom staying home, there wasn’t a whole lot that we could afford, especially in the way of luxuries. My mom started work, while I was in elementary school, actually, as a legal secretary for a family law firm. That helped out with income a bit.
I was of course, never the popular kid in school, though I rarely had self-esteem issues. Looking back I would describe myself as a confident, semi-awkwardly dressed, sometimes awkward-acting, outgoing glasses-wearing kid who was never liked by boys in THAT way, but I never had a shortage of good friends. Save the glasses part, I would say I haven’t changed much, though I am much more picky about my fashionable appearance these days.
But then, somewhere in the middle school-high school years, my mom made the decision to start going to law school. As a motivated, former straight-A student who had graduated from UCLA with a BS in Microbiology, she decided she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life as a dead-end legal secretary. She wanted to pursue success on the next level, and with so many years at that firm under her belt, law school seemed like the best answer. My dad, knowing it would take a toll on our family life, not having Mom around, and even worse, strain our financial situation significantly, still backed her 110%. If only we could all find supportive and loving men like that.
So law school began, and so did mom’s time away from home. She was rarely around anymore, and this was tough, since she was the one who raised my sister and myself. Helped us with our homework, all of that kind of thing. Amazingly, she still found time to do most of it. Dad is more of the silent parent type, and I admit, sis and I had a bit of an awkward time getting to know him better during that time, but it was good for us, as our relationship is happy and much stronger now.
To add to the emotional stress of not having mom around much anymore, we had to deal with the reality of not being able to afford all of the everyday luxuries we take for granted now. We had to eat at home all the time, couldn’t afford a night out at the movie theatres, had to cut out a lot of the comforts of life. I just remember being stressed out and angry at my parents for everything. It was doubly a rough time – not only was the family having a hard time, but I was right at the peak of my adolescent hormonal angst. High school was definitely a rough time, in too many ways to explain.
But the one rough thing about high school that I can look back on now, and the thing I tell people the most when they ask about how I got so involved in community work, is that I swore that I hated Japanese Americans as a people, as my kind. Although I knew perfectly well and would admit that it was a part of my ethnic identity, the JA kids I was around just didn’t do it for me. I thought they were dumb, vapid, and a waste of my time. I also had a complex from being at a high school program called “The Highly Gifted Magnet.” As ridiculous as it may sound, it was rough being labeled the “smart kid” at school by the other kids – in band, other classes, and so on. And triple that from the fact that I was an Asian American girl.
Although, I guess it wasn’t really THAT rough, given that I was to some extent, the overachieving student – more so in earlier years than in high school, since I got a C in AP Calculus my junior year…but then again, I was in AP Calculus to begin with, and it was my first C ever – and did well because in a lot of ways I did fit the stereotype. I was even nice to everyone and glad to avoid any negative confrontations.
So that was high school - anger, bitterness, money problems, good and bad grades, and then here come college admissions. Despite being the top 5% of the entire senior class, I was rejected from all of the colleges I applied to, save UCLA. To add insult to injury, I had applied mostly to schools back East because I was so eager to get away from home and make it on my own – I was so angry at my family for everything (though they did nothing to cause my stress). But here I was, stuck in LA, just a half hour from home, and I was angry at the world.
But as most of you know, college changed my life. Shaped my politics, made me want to flip off the Man, hate white people, all that sort of thing. And during my junior year of college, my mom graduated from law school and was lucky enough to find a six-figure income law firm job.
Everyone told me then, how lucky I was that Mom was such a great woman, working part time while still going to law school part time (yeah, did I forget to mention that? As if law school at almost 40 weren’t amazing enough), and with a family at that! I guess I didn’t really know it then, but it is incredible, what she and my dad did. Held it together, and all for a better future – for our whole family.
Maybe it’s because I’m a compassionate being, or maybe it’s because somewhere, deep down inside – despite not having made an explicit connection – I do identify with these families, communities, people who suffer these kinds of hardships everyday, that I care so much about, well, our society.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with me – maybe it’s just how any normal person would react if they knew the truth about our ridiculous world.
Like taking the red pill, right?
But I do now understand, with more clarity and appreciation than ever, that everything I can do now is all in thanks to my parents – to the ones who came before me. My story isn’t one of first generation immigration, of extreme hardship or financial everyday struggle, like MIA or other went through, but it is one of privilege, of privilege that I now have because of what a young, impoverished naïve girl from Gardena, and an accomplished kendoist who cooks as a career were able to create when they made the decision to start a family. They created a secure, loving, and stable environment – one that, despite lacking large amounts of money, gave birth to me, and my sister – the headed-for-success fashion designer.
It is also true, that this generation has the capacity for something great. And let this be a prophecy that I put down now, on digital paper – that there is something great coming, and we will be a part of it. Never mind the cliché of change, it’s coming, blah blah blah – I know Obama is undeniably a part of it – but it is genuinely a feeling in my gut that I can’t shake off. Despite being somewhat politically stagnant in Hawaii, I feel like it’s the calm before the storm.
Something is coming.
I didn’t mean for this to become some sort of common Asian American activist piece – I must admit, although I’m glad we can all have moments of clarity about our ancestral accomplishments, identity, and all that sort of thing, it is getting kind of tired – but you know, sometimes the thoughts just flood my brain and I need to write it down, in case some rhetoric gem is wasted by my failure to grab some paper and record it. It also doesn’t help that I’m stuck on this 5 hour flight with the lights out, and no headphones because I couldn’t get to my wallet to pay 2 bucks for it. I’m also starving so this is a good distraction.
I feel like life is full of so many ridiculous contradictions, questions, and wrongdoings – and not to get all “we are the world” on you, but I think we’re just a misguided people.
Whether its “fuck the system” or “get in it to win it ” – the subversive version - I am adamant about the fact that I will dedicate myself to the work that I love so much now. I will never give up on my people, on my community, on my family and friends. This is an oath, of sorts, and a one, along with my prophecy, that I want to look back on in 10 years and realize I was at least mostly right.
Now, if only I can stop being such an “S”….
But I guess that is a story for another time. America, here we come.
I read about Michelle Rhee, the chancellor or superintendent of public education in DC, and about MIA as an artist and revolutionary. Both with very different stories, doing completely different things, but sharing the goal of subversion. Rhee, with her attack on the school system in ways that both alienated and excited education proponents, and MIA, with her family activist background, unusual sound, and determined character that led to her success as a South Asian female rapper.
I thought back to my conversation with Viet about this – “subversion.” It’s the age- old question of, do we keep fighting the system, or do we just learn to work within it?
And then it led me to my own life, and my own passions about my community, about my politics and my own convictions. Different people take action in different ways – Michelle Rhee by just doing, without caring about what anyone else says, and MIA through her music. They both though, are working within the system to try and break it down.
What is my own way of breaking down the system? My own way of taking action? And why the hell do I care so much?
I definitely consider myself significantly privileged, in my everyday life – in education, materialistically, financially, even at home. I’ve had a good education thus far and have the resources to continue onto law school like I plan (knock on wood), just got a new macbook, can make just enough money to get by with parental backup as an option if not, and my family is the shit. I appreciated them before while I was in college, but I love them all the more now that I’m away in Hawaii.
The two women I just read about came from intense immigrant backgrounds and lived through some degree of intense hardship and struggle.
But then again, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I was born and raised in Boyle Heights, Los Angeles, on a street called Breed right by First and Soto streets. My parents are 14 years apart in age, my father my mother’s senior, and I only vaguely remember growing up in that house as a baby, with the vomit-green carpet and matching curtains. From watching home videos of myself and my sister growing up, I remember that I was pretty jealous of my sister when she was born, getting all the attention as a baby and all that. My mother had doted on me like crazy, being the first-born daughter that could read Dr. Seuss smoothly by the age of 2. But of course things change when a newer, cuter baby is born into the family.
Still, my parents did a good job of raising us without all that potential emotional baggage that can seep into a family’s history and subconscious.
Boyle Heights was an unforgivingly impoverished neighborhood, and it deprived our family of days out at the park, learning how to ride our bikes or run around and play ball with the neighborhood kids. Instead, my sister and I never learned how to ride bikes, and walking a block away was dangerous. We lived in something like fear, of the neighborhood gangs and drug dealing, and the occasional gunshots that would ring out in the middle of the night. Homeless folk would wander into our backyard and camp out there until my dad would scare them off with the katana (samurai swords) he owned. We were burglared a few times, but escaped any bodily harm, those 19 years we lived there. We even hated our neighbors.
In kindergarten I also attended the local school, Breed Street School, only a 2 minute walk from home. I have fond memories of that school, as the only Asian American kid (though of course I had no clue at the time) who unknowingly picked up the Spanish-accented English the other children spoke. I still made good friends, had fun, read books and stories to my classmates as the only kid who could read. It was thanks to my mom’s dedication to education that I moved on, later, in second grade, to a better-equipped magnet school.
Although an elementary school kid could never know it at the time, growing up we were in the lower middle class bracket. We had some nice things, but mostly not; with my dad working as a cook and my mom staying home, there wasn’t a whole lot that we could afford, especially in the way of luxuries. My mom started work, while I was in elementary school, actually, as a legal secretary for a family law firm. That helped out with income a bit.
I was of course, never the popular kid in school, though I rarely had self-esteem issues. Looking back I would describe myself as a confident, semi-awkwardly dressed, sometimes awkward-acting, outgoing glasses-wearing kid who was never liked by boys in THAT way, but I never had a shortage of good friends. Save the glasses part, I would say I haven’t changed much, though I am much more picky about my fashionable appearance these days.
But then, somewhere in the middle school-high school years, my mom made the decision to start going to law school. As a motivated, former straight-A student who had graduated from UCLA with a BS in Microbiology, she decided she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life as a dead-end legal secretary. She wanted to pursue success on the next level, and with so many years at that firm under her belt, law school seemed like the best answer. My dad, knowing it would take a toll on our family life, not having Mom around, and even worse, strain our financial situation significantly, still backed her 110%. If only we could all find supportive and loving men like that.
So law school began, and so did mom’s time away from home. She was rarely around anymore, and this was tough, since she was the one who raised my sister and myself. Helped us with our homework, all of that kind of thing. Amazingly, she still found time to do most of it. Dad is more of the silent parent type, and I admit, sis and I had a bit of an awkward time getting to know him better during that time, but it was good for us, as our relationship is happy and much stronger now.
To add to the emotional stress of not having mom around much anymore, we had to deal with the reality of not being able to afford all of the everyday luxuries we take for granted now. We had to eat at home all the time, couldn’t afford a night out at the movie theatres, had to cut out a lot of the comforts of life. I just remember being stressed out and angry at my parents for everything. It was doubly a rough time – not only was the family having a hard time, but I was right at the peak of my adolescent hormonal angst. High school was definitely a rough time, in too many ways to explain.
But the one rough thing about high school that I can look back on now, and the thing I tell people the most when they ask about how I got so involved in community work, is that I swore that I hated Japanese Americans as a people, as my kind. Although I knew perfectly well and would admit that it was a part of my ethnic identity, the JA kids I was around just didn’t do it for me. I thought they were dumb, vapid, and a waste of my time. I also had a complex from being at a high school program called “The Highly Gifted Magnet.” As ridiculous as it may sound, it was rough being labeled the “smart kid” at school by the other kids – in band, other classes, and so on. And triple that from the fact that I was an Asian American girl.
Although, I guess it wasn’t really THAT rough, given that I was to some extent, the overachieving student – more so in earlier years than in high school, since I got a C in AP Calculus my junior year…but then again, I was in AP Calculus to begin with, and it was my first C ever – and did well because in a lot of ways I did fit the stereotype. I was even nice to everyone and glad to avoid any negative confrontations.
So that was high school - anger, bitterness, money problems, good and bad grades, and then here come college admissions. Despite being the top 5% of the entire senior class, I was rejected from all of the colleges I applied to, save UCLA. To add insult to injury, I had applied mostly to schools back East because I was so eager to get away from home and make it on my own – I was so angry at my family for everything (though they did nothing to cause my stress). But here I was, stuck in LA, just a half hour from home, and I was angry at the world.
But as most of you know, college changed my life. Shaped my politics, made me want to flip off the Man, hate white people, all that sort of thing. And during my junior year of college, my mom graduated from law school and was lucky enough to find a six-figure income law firm job.
Everyone told me then, how lucky I was that Mom was such a great woman, working part time while still going to law school part time (yeah, did I forget to mention that? As if law school at almost 40 weren’t amazing enough), and with a family at that! I guess I didn’t really know it then, but it is incredible, what she and my dad did. Held it together, and all for a better future – for our whole family.
Maybe it’s because I’m a compassionate being, or maybe it’s because somewhere, deep down inside – despite not having made an explicit connection – I do identify with these families, communities, people who suffer these kinds of hardships everyday, that I care so much about, well, our society.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with me – maybe it’s just how any normal person would react if they knew the truth about our ridiculous world.
Like taking the red pill, right?
But I do now understand, with more clarity and appreciation than ever, that everything I can do now is all in thanks to my parents – to the ones who came before me. My story isn’t one of first generation immigration, of extreme hardship or financial everyday struggle, like MIA or other went through, but it is one of privilege, of privilege that I now have because of what a young, impoverished naïve girl from Gardena, and an accomplished kendoist who cooks as a career were able to create when they made the decision to start a family. They created a secure, loving, and stable environment – one that, despite lacking large amounts of money, gave birth to me, and my sister – the headed-for-success fashion designer.
It is also true, that this generation has the capacity for something great. And let this be a prophecy that I put down now, on digital paper – that there is something great coming, and we will be a part of it. Never mind the cliché of change, it’s coming, blah blah blah – I know Obama is undeniably a part of it – but it is genuinely a feeling in my gut that I can’t shake off. Despite being somewhat politically stagnant in Hawaii, I feel like it’s the calm before the storm.
Something is coming.
I didn’t mean for this to become some sort of common Asian American activist piece – I must admit, although I’m glad we can all have moments of clarity about our ancestral accomplishments, identity, and all that sort of thing, it is getting kind of tired – but you know, sometimes the thoughts just flood my brain and I need to write it down, in case some rhetoric gem is wasted by my failure to grab some paper and record it. It also doesn’t help that I’m stuck on this 5 hour flight with the lights out, and no headphones because I couldn’t get to my wallet to pay 2 bucks for it. I’m also starving so this is a good distraction.
I feel like life is full of so many ridiculous contradictions, questions, and wrongdoings – and not to get all “we are the world” on you, but I think we’re just a misguided people.
Whether its “fuck the system” or “get in it to win it ” – the subversive version - I am adamant about the fact that I will dedicate myself to the work that I love so much now. I will never give up on my people, on my community, on my family and friends. This is an oath, of sorts, and a one, along with my prophecy, that I want to look back on in 10 years and realize I was at least mostly right.
Now, if only I can stop being such an “S”….
But I guess that is a story for another time. America, here we come.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wax and then Action - THE PICTURE POST
Kind of a rough day, and the weather is crazy! Lots of rain yesterday and this morning, then crazy winds today. It's like hurricane weather, kinda. Or at least, what I think hurricane weather would be like.
Today's horoscope:
Mostly? FALSE. But the lack of discipline would explain why I was so ridiculous as work today. I think I'm not cut out for office work sometimes. Or maybe I just need to take my vitamins so that I pay a little more attention to detail. Careless mistakes can equal lots of stress and getting in trouble! ugh.
It's like a slippery slope syndrome with these mistakes. I make one mistake, get lightly reprimanded for it, and then end up paranoid for the rest of the day, which frustratingly makes me more careless. What the hell.
In other news, I believe it is time for a new computer. My macbook is falling apart, little by little. The huge white line down the middle of my screen seems to be getting worse, and I can't see whatever the line runs into. Good excuse, too, to purchase a new macbook. Don't you think?
I room remodeled yesterday! Pushed my two twins together to create a faux king bed, and I love it. Despite the crevice down the middle that can get a little annoying at times. Here are before and afters:
The BEFORE, with a little finger at the top. You can't see it, but there's a bed to the left against the other wall. AND DON'T LAUGH, so what if it's messy?
Behold, the AFTER. It's like Aya's room, once upon a time. It's a weird angle, but I wanted to try and hide as much of the hanging, drying underwear as possible. haha.
Anyways, so I'm also going to share some pictures of my students - not too many, for safety reasons, I guess, but just to be able to show off what they've been doing!
BOOYAH. I dunno how well you can see it in the picture, both those are their own renditions of the Pyramid of Power. You know, it's that illustration of the concept that it seems like all the rich people have all the power - that they sit at the top of the pyramid, making more and more money, widening the gap between themselves and the people at the bottom of the pyramid - the ones both holding it up, and building it. At closer look, however, it becomes obvious that those at the top would be there if it weren't for the people at the bottom. If those at the bottom stopped building, or let go, everything would topple. And then so much for them rich folk! If they took anything away from this class, I wanted it to be a sense of their own power. What better way to illustrate that than...
THE GLADIATOR Teambuilder! hahahaha! The little one was on my team. You know, the better one. Here were the teams:
Very Gladiator movie-esque.
I think they had the least to work with, but these two did well anyway.
These two...thought it would be okay to take more tape, when it's supposed to be all about limited resources. hahaha oops.
In the end, the first team you see ended up winning, and lost to my gladiator. But it was a good lesson, you know, about working together, etc. It's a lesson in community cooperation in a world that constantly pits them against each other.
Lastly, we went to Waimea Valley to do some nature cleanup as community service. I got completely OWNED by mosquitoes (read: 15 bites on both legs), but it was well worth it.
In front of the falls. Everyone's tired.
Okay, that was a lot, and it's all I've got for now. TAIKO TIME.
Yays.
Today's horoscope:
| Amorous thoughts | |
Today, you might notice that you feel a bit better than usual, and your mind will naturally turn to light subjects. This is not a very favorable time for any difficult mental work that requires great discipline. You feel like enjoying yourself and having a good  time instead of making a significant effort. Be careful of being too concerned with yourself or self-indulgent at this time. You might be inclined to buy luxurious trinkets that you don't really need or otherwise squander your valuable and limited resources. On the positive side, you can use this time to tell someone that you love him. Although you may not feel like going into a melodramatic, heavy relationship, you do enjoy making another person feel happy about the two of you, and you may have very amorous thoughts. | |
Mostly? FALSE. But the lack of discipline would explain why I was so ridiculous as work today. I think I'm not cut out for office work sometimes. Or maybe I just need to take my vitamins so that I pay a little more attention to detail. Careless mistakes can equal lots of stress and getting in trouble! ugh.
It's like a slippery slope syndrome with these mistakes. I make one mistake, get lightly reprimanded for it, and then end up paranoid for the rest of the day, which frustratingly makes me more careless. What the hell.
In other news, I believe it is time for a new computer. My macbook is falling apart, little by little. The huge white line down the middle of my screen seems to be getting worse, and I can't see whatever the line runs into. Good excuse, too, to purchase a new macbook. Don't you think?
I room remodeled yesterday! Pushed my two twins together to create a faux king bed, and I love it. Despite the crevice down the middle that can get a little annoying at times. Here are before and afters:
The BEFORE, with a little finger at the top. You can't see it, but there's a bed to the left against the other wall. AND DON'T LAUGH, so what if it's messy?
Behold, the AFTER. It's like Aya's room, once upon a time. It's a weird angle, but I wanted to try and hide as much of the hanging, drying underwear as possible. haha.Anyways, so I'm also going to share some pictures of my students - not too many, for safety reasons, I guess, but just to be able to show off what they've been doing!
BOOYAH. I dunno how well you can see it in the picture, both those are their own renditions of the Pyramid of Power. You know, it's that illustration of the concept that it seems like all the rich people have all the power - that they sit at the top of the pyramid, making more and more money, widening the gap between themselves and the people at the bottom of the pyramid - the ones both holding it up, and building it. At closer look, however, it becomes obvious that those at the top would be there if it weren't for the people at the bottom. If those at the bottom stopped building, or let go, everything would topple. And then so much for them rich folk! If they took anything away from this class, I wanted it to be a sense of their own power. What better way to illustrate that than...
THE GLADIATOR Teambuilder! hahahaha! The little one was on my team. You know, the better one. Here were the teams:
Very Gladiator movie-esque.
I think they had the least to work with, but these two did well anyway.
These two...thought it would be okay to take more tape, when it's supposed to be all about limited resources. hahaha oops.In the end, the first team you see ended up winning, and lost to my gladiator. But it was a good lesson, you know, about working together, etc. It's a lesson in community cooperation in a world that constantly pits them against each other.
Lastly, we went to Waimea Valley to do some nature cleanup as community service. I got completely OWNED by mosquitoes (read: 15 bites on both legs), but it was well worth it.
In front of the falls. Everyone's tired. Okay, that was a lot, and it's all I've got for now. TAIKO TIME.
Yays.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I'll have a Coldbuster, please
Finally, a day off. And a day off that's not even completely free; I definitely still have taiko tonight, but it is a huge relief not to have to work today. I also think I'm getting sick, so I dunno what to do about that.
Sore throat, nose becoming congested, and the sick voice - it started yesterday and took it up a notch this morning. I definitely felt like shit as soon as I got out of bed, but felt better after my pricey yet therapeutic, nail appointment. I am also in love with my nails right now. (Alex says: I got my nails did. And hell yes, foreal I got my nails did.)
I think deep down, I'm really just princessy. haha (okay, so maybe you knew that already)
Skyped with Aya for hours last night, and that was super fun. We talked so long I almost remember it like I was drunk, I was so tired (but happy) at the end of that talk session. We chatted about her cute students, about nostalgically watching old fb vids, the amazing quality of Japanese condoms, and played the "would you rather?" game. I'm glad I can keep in touch with her, along with the rest of my home friendsies - it makes me feel like I'm not far away at all. Thus the lack of homesickness on this departure from home.
A little worried about all the gifts I have to bring home, because I also don't want to overdo it to the point where I'm spending millions of dollars I don't have on gifts for Christmas because everyone got such nice things for Thanksgiving holiday. hahahaha - uh, I wish I had millions of dollars to spend on gifties.
Thank goodness for the huge craft fair this past weekend though - they're like Hawaii pasttimes, and these people definitely go all out. Both vendors and buyers - it's pretty intense. But there were some awesome things to choose from, so those will be fun to bring home.
Had some good bonding time with Kelsey yesterday too - in celebration of having Tuesday off we went to Formaggio's and chatted about life over wine, mixed drinks, and foie gras. Lavish.
Definitely miss the activist life after the latest article on disaggregation and Count Me In came out; although I was branded "the epitome of the model minority myth" in this article (I know, wtf) it is definitely a very in-depth and great article on the issue, with a good amount of data. Other than that and the fact that APC wasn't mentioned as an organization, I think it's worth a read and a forwarding. And plus the writer, Carol Brydolf, was very courteous in asking me questions and making sure I got a copy of the magazine. You can read here:
Getting real about the "model minority"
Home time a week from Friday! yayyyyy
Kobukuro and me time.
Sore throat, nose becoming congested, and the sick voice - it started yesterday and took it up a notch this morning. I definitely felt like shit as soon as I got out of bed, but felt better after my pricey yet therapeutic, nail appointment. I am also in love with my nails right now. (Alex says: I got my nails did. And hell yes, foreal I got my nails did.)
I think deep down, I'm really just princessy. haha (okay, so maybe you knew that already)
Skyped with Aya for hours last night, and that was super fun. We talked so long I almost remember it like I was drunk, I was so tired (but happy) at the end of that talk session. We chatted about her cute students, about nostalgically watching old fb vids, the amazing quality of Japanese condoms, and played the "would you rather?" game. I'm glad I can keep in touch with her, along with the rest of my home friendsies - it makes me feel like I'm not far away at all. Thus the lack of homesickness on this departure from home.
A little worried about all the gifts I have to bring home, because I also don't want to overdo it to the point where I'm spending millions of dollars I don't have on gifts for Christmas because everyone got such nice things for Thanksgiving holiday. hahahaha - uh, I wish I had millions of dollars to spend on gifties.
Thank goodness for the huge craft fair this past weekend though - they're like Hawaii pasttimes, and these people definitely go all out. Both vendors and buyers - it's pretty intense. But there were some awesome things to choose from, so those will be fun to bring home.
Had some good bonding time with Kelsey yesterday too - in celebration of having Tuesday off we went to Formaggio's and chatted about life over wine, mixed drinks, and foie gras. Lavish.
Definitely miss the activist life after the latest article on disaggregation and Count Me In came out; although I was branded "the epitome of the model minority myth" in this article (I know, wtf) it is definitely a very in-depth and great article on the issue, with a good amount of data. Other than that and the fact that APC wasn't mentioned as an organization, I think it's worth a read and a forwarding. And plus the writer, Carol Brydolf, was very courteous in asking me questions and making sure I got a copy of the magazine. You can read here:
Getting real about the "model minority"
Home time a week from Friday! yayyyyy
Kobukuro and me time.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I think my right leg is darker than my left
WHAT a taiko-intensive weekend. Friday mini-concert outdoors, Saturday gig after an all day conference with my students (yes, it was a 7 am to 5 pm kine day), Sunday practice, taught two classes, then gig. CRAZY!!
I am so pau.
hahaha I am using my local language, so proud.
I am exhausted but happy, I guess. The great news is that Friday night I, along with two of my trainee peers, was promoted to Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble Member status!! A huge honor indeed, but of course along with it comes the pressure to step it up and really get my shit down. Which is great incentive of course, I just have to live up to it.
I'm also proud of my kids this weekend. This conference, put on by the Pacific and Asian Affairs Council - the nonprofit that employs me to teach this class - was the first experience they had to be at that kind of an event, with so many other students studying the same things, and really talking about things like global civic and community involvement/engagement. It was a good bonding experience for them all, that's for sure. Makes me love them all that more - I wish I could give them the world.
Anyhow, I wanted to post some Halloween pictures, since they are way overdue:
Yin and Yang! Kels was yin, me yang. Isn't it great?
Seriously, this costume is the first I've been proud of since Trinity back in high school (hahahah don't remind me...).
Yes, that's right, it's DOUBLE SIDED.
Which means the above was also possible. It just worked in so many ways. If you notice in the first picture, even our bracelets matched. Brilliant.
Yes so the pictures on my camera end there because I knew I would be too drunk to NOT lose the precious cam. It was an amazingly fun, drunken night out on Waikiki, looking at great costumes like girl with painted boobs or the "down on the count" costume - some haole guy with his shorts around his ankles wearing a count dracula costume, with a blowup doll attached to his crotch. Fun stuff.
I had 4 gin and tonics for Alex Lowe, as promised. He was honored.
So that's all I've got for now. Home countdown: 11 days!!
I am so pau.
hahaha I am using my local language, so proud.
I am exhausted but happy, I guess. The great news is that Friday night I, along with two of my trainee peers, was promoted to Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble Member status!! A huge honor indeed, but of course along with it comes the pressure to step it up and really get my shit down. Which is great incentive of course, I just have to live up to it.
I'm also proud of my kids this weekend. This conference, put on by the Pacific and Asian Affairs Council - the nonprofit that employs me to teach this class - was the first experience they had to be at that kind of an event, with so many other students studying the same things, and really talking about things like global civic and community involvement/engagement. It was a good bonding experience for them all, that's for sure. Makes me love them all that more - I wish I could give them the world.
Anyhow, I wanted to post some Halloween pictures, since they are way overdue:
Yin and Yang! Kels was yin, me yang. Isn't it great?Seriously, this costume is the first I've been proud of since Trinity back in high school (hahahah don't remind me...).
Yes, that's right, it's DOUBLE SIDED.
Which means the above was also possible. It just worked in so many ways. If you notice in the first picture, even our bracelets matched. Brilliant.Yes so the pictures on my camera end there because I knew I would be too drunk to NOT lose the precious cam. It was an amazingly fun, drunken night out on Waikiki, looking at great costumes like girl with painted boobs or the "down on the count" costume - some haole guy with his shorts around his ankles wearing a count dracula costume, with a blowup doll attached to his crotch. Fun stuff.
I had 4 gin and tonics for Alex Lowe, as promised. He was honored.
So that's all I've got for now. Home countdown: 11 days!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
That fateful day
I know it's not November 4th anymore, but that's okay, I've documented the day in plenty of other places.
Let's just say, bawling in front of the television during Obama's post-election speech with my very own bowl of popcorn was enough to yank me out of the rut I thought I was in. What an amazing time this will be.
If ever I were the most inspired to be an advocate and an organizer for my community, it would be now.
Thank you.
Let's just say, bawling in front of the television during Obama's post-election speech with my very own bowl of popcorn was enough to yank me out of the rut I thought I was in. What an amazing time this will be.
If ever I were the most inspired to be an advocate and an organizer for my community, it would be now.
Thank you.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The Burden
As I sat, listening to Maroon 5 on my day off, I decided to pull out the Zen Tarot Cards. It's one of my...alternative methods to self-meditation and relaxation, I guess. I believe in them because I think rather than predicting the future like some of those psychic crazies, these just - provide valuable insight as a reminder of the things you already knew somewhere, deep down inside.
I admit, I'm hitting a rough spot out here, although I haven't quite been able to pinpoint exactly why. My appetite sucks, my back is a (painful) pretzel, every day seems stressful, and I dunno, I don't quite feel like myself the past week and a half or so. But maybe the cards know best:
The Burden, Minor Arcana, Suit of Clouds number 6 says:
When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. "Go faster, try harder, reach the top!" shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.
If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your mind, but that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. It's time to lighten up, and send them on their way.
It makes too much sense to me right now, and I think maybe a root of this problem is that I am trying to live out here the way I think everyone would expect me to.
That is, Hawaii is supposed to be great, amazing, awesome, happy everyday, full of beaches and tanning and bumming it. But that hasn't been it for me - it wasn't what I was looking for, even if it was partly what I was expecting because everyone told me it would be so.
I feel like I have to be having a great time everyday out here, and the fact of the matter is, this is LIFE for me. It's not a vacation, it's a new living I'm creating out here, and I think at some point I have to understand something about this experience - something I'm not yet getting.
I do know though, that I need to stop pretending everything is wonderful and utopian. I think I've been doing that because I think it's what I'm supposed to be - super happy and constantly excited.
Don't get me wrong - I am glad I came out here, and I mean it when I say I feel like I'm meant to, supposed to, BE here, but I can't help but feel like something's missing.
With time now I realize it's not necessarily the community piece, like I had been whining and ranting about the past couple of months. There's something bigger, though I'm sure community is a part of the picture.
Anyhow, I'm taking this as a normal rut, something I'll climb out of soon enough. I think I'm beginning to understand how Mom felt a while back, when I didn't know how to be there for her. Sorry, Mom.
Change, it's a part of life. The cards said that, too.
I admit, I'm hitting a rough spot out here, although I haven't quite been able to pinpoint exactly why. My appetite sucks, my back is a (painful) pretzel, every day seems stressful, and I dunno, I don't quite feel like myself the past week and a half or so. But maybe the cards know best:
The Burden, Minor Arcana, Suit of Clouds number 6 says:
When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. "Go faster, try harder, reach the top!" shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.
If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your mind, but that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. It's time to lighten up, and send them on their way.
It makes too much sense to me right now, and I think maybe a root of this problem is that I am trying to live out here the way I think everyone would expect me to.
That is, Hawaii is supposed to be great, amazing, awesome, happy everyday, full of beaches and tanning and bumming it. But that hasn't been it for me - it wasn't what I was looking for, even if it was partly what I was expecting because everyone told me it would be so.
I feel like I have to be having a great time everyday out here, and the fact of the matter is, this is LIFE for me. It's not a vacation, it's a new living I'm creating out here, and I think at some point I have to understand something about this experience - something I'm not yet getting.
I do know though, that I need to stop pretending everything is wonderful and utopian. I think I've been doing that because I think it's what I'm supposed to be - super happy and constantly excited.
Don't get me wrong - I am glad I came out here, and I mean it when I say I feel like I'm meant to, supposed to, BE here, but I can't help but feel like something's missing.
With time now I realize it's not necessarily the community piece, like I had been whining and ranting about the past couple of months. There's something bigger, though I'm sure community is a part of the picture.
Anyhow, I'm taking this as a normal rut, something I'll climb out of soon enough. I think I'm beginning to understand how Mom felt a while back, when I didn't know how to be there for her. Sorry, Mom.
Change, it's a part of life. The cards said that, too.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Elections in the Air
Kind of anticlimactic for me, the day of Election 2008 - a long awaited day - I've already sent in my absentee ballot like a week ago. Now it's just a waiting game. I'm nervous for November 5th, and can only wonder what might happen.
If McPalin takes over I don't know what I'd do. I might have to resort to moving away, like Scott threatens to do. It's very possible that we as community organizers and activists will be needed more than ever if that were to happen, who knows?
My battery is dying, so it's a race against the amount of energy I've got left in this thing.
It really has been a long while since my last update - I guess you could say I've been having too much fun to be critical about the things around me. I mean, the critical lenses haven't gone away, that's for sure...but there's been more roommate bonding, which has left me even LESS time to sit down and bloggies.
All is well, I guess. I'm constantly tired, but so goes Hawaii life for this California transplant. I've also got 8 bug bites on my body and COUNTING from the past 3 consecutive nights. Going to try another sleeping location tonight, and hope that bodes better for my body. But hey, I can't help it if my blood is delish. (okay that sounded better in my head)
Halloween on Friday should prove to be an experience, if anything. Waikiki, here we come. Maybe I can manage to get pics up here, costumes are pretty ready to go and I am just excited to get CRUNK. After this week I am so ready. READY! Actually, the week isn't even over yet and I'm hella ready.
ANYWAYS. It is 12:40 and if I don't sleep soon I will pass out on the computer at the law office tomorrow. That will not be a pretty sight for anyone around.
OUR WORLD WILL BE A DIFFERENT PLACE A WEEK FROM TODAY! Or at least, so we think. If it's not something is very wrong with our society. But uh, hey! It's hella fucked up anyways. So what the hell kind of a difference would it make? When are people going to realize what kind of a REALITY we live in these days!?
Nighttime delusions.
okay bedtime here I come.
If McPalin takes over I don't know what I'd do. I might have to resort to moving away, like Scott threatens to do. It's very possible that we as community organizers and activists will be needed more than ever if that were to happen, who knows?
My battery is dying, so it's a race against the amount of energy I've got left in this thing.
It really has been a long while since my last update - I guess you could say I've been having too much fun to be critical about the things around me. I mean, the critical lenses haven't gone away, that's for sure...but there's been more roommate bonding, which has left me even LESS time to sit down and bloggies.
All is well, I guess. I'm constantly tired, but so goes Hawaii life for this California transplant. I've also got 8 bug bites on my body and COUNTING from the past 3 consecutive nights. Going to try another sleeping location tonight, and hope that bodes better for my body. But hey, I can't help it if my blood is delish. (okay that sounded better in my head)
Halloween on Friday should prove to be an experience, if anything. Waikiki, here we come. Maybe I can manage to get pics up here, costumes are pretty ready to go and I am just excited to get CRUNK. After this week I am so ready. READY! Actually, the week isn't even over yet and I'm hella ready.
ANYWAYS. It is 12:40 and if I don't sleep soon I will pass out on the computer at the law office tomorrow. That will not be a pretty sight for anyone around.
OUR WORLD WILL BE A DIFFERENT PLACE A WEEK FROM TODAY! Or at least, so we think. If it's not something is very wrong with our society. But uh, hey! It's hella fucked up anyways. So what the hell kind of a difference would it make? When are people going to realize what kind of a REALITY we live in these days!?
Nighttime delusions.
okay bedtime here I come.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Creating Change
Mercury Retrograde, Lisa says! And Lisa, that sounds like a hella good explanation to me. CRAZY STUFF! This astrology biz trips me out sometimes.
This explains it all.
It is most definitely a huge time of reflection for me - has been since a couple weeks after my arrival here. About the world, my world, my communities, my life.
And I have decided that if I am going to happy for the rest of my life, I need to work in the community, organizing and working towards effecting change. If I don't, I will quite possibly go crazy.
Meanwhile, I leave you with this longer quote from Haunani-Kay Trask's book, the first paragraph of an essay entitled "Lovely Hula Hands: Corporate Tourism and the Prostitution of Hawaiian Culture." It might make you think twice about saying I'm lucky I'm in Hawaii for all the reasons most people would say it.
I am certain that most, if not all, Americans have heard of Hawai'i and have wished, at some time in their lives, to visit my Native land. But I doubt that the history of how Hawai'i came to be territorially incorporated, and economically, politically, and culturally subordinated to the United States is known to most Americans. Nor is it common knowledge that Hawaiians have been struggling for over twenty years to achieve a land base and some form of political sovereignty on the same level as American Indians. Finally, I would imagine that most Americans could not place Hawai'i or any other Pacific island on a map of the Pacific. But despite all this appalling ignorance, five million Americans will vacation in my homeland this year and the next, and so on, into the foreseeable capitalist future. Such are the intended privileges of the so-called American standard of living: ignorance of and yet power over one's relations to Native peoples. Thanks to postwar American imperialism, the ideology that the United States has no overseas colonies and is, in fact, the champion of self-determination the world over holds no greater sway than in the United States itself. To most Americans, then, Hawai'i is THEIRS: to use, to take, and above all, to fantasize about long after the experience.
This explains it all.
It is most definitely a huge time of reflection for me - has been since a couple weeks after my arrival here. About the world, my world, my communities, my life.
And I have decided that if I am going to happy for the rest of my life, I need to work in the community, organizing and working towards effecting change. If I don't, I will quite possibly go crazy.
Meanwhile, I leave you with this longer quote from Haunani-Kay Trask's book, the first paragraph of an essay entitled "Lovely Hula Hands: Corporate Tourism and the Prostitution of Hawaiian Culture." It might make you think twice about saying I'm lucky I'm in Hawaii for all the reasons most people would say it.
I am certain that most, if not all, Americans have heard of Hawai'i and have wished, at some time in their lives, to visit my Native land. But I doubt that the history of how Hawai'i came to be territorially incorporated, and economically, politically, and culturally subordinated to the United States is known to most Americans. Nor is it common knowledge that Hawaiians have been struggling for over twenty years to achieve a land base and some form of political sovereignty on the same level as American Indians. Finally, I would imagine that most Americans could not place Hawai'i or any other Pacific island on a map of the Pacific. But despite all this appalling ignorance, five million Americans will vacation in my homeland this year and the next, and so on, into the foreseeable capitalist future. Such are the intended privileges of the so-called American standard of living: ignorance of and yet power over one's relations to Native peoples. Thanks to postwar American imperialism, the ideology that the United States has no overseas colonies and is, in fact, the champion of self-determination the world over holds no greater sway than in the United States itself. To most Americans, then, Hawai'i is THEIRS: to use, to take, and above all, to fantasize about long after the experience.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Um so
WHAT. a. day.
It was just rough, in general, for a lot of reasons I can't really talk about.
But it was also great, more in the latter half of the day. It was seriously, in all earnestness, the most ridiculous, crazy, nonsensical, stressful day I have ever had, I think, in my whole life. One of those, everything is out of place and nothing's going right days.
So friends. Kelsey was trying really hard NOT to pass out today after our run. That was scary. I'm just glad she was okay. And then Aya got hit by a goddamned car! What the hell! But she is also okay. So double PHEW there.
Aya and I joke about her life as a J drama. She has had many adventure on that bike (and with boyfriend). hahahahaha okay only like one other person will get that so I definitely just laughed at that by myself.
Saw Taikoproject folks, which was uber exciting!! I was glad to see Yumi, Kitty, Jen, Brian, and then meet Steph. Good times.
Practice was pretty refreshing today too.
Did I ever explain how huge cockroaches are here? It's insane. These things are like rats. Sizewise.
That's fucking sick. Not my own picture, but yes they are HUGENORMOUS. I'm going to have nightmares now, so enjoy the damn picture!
::EDIT the picture was so disgusting and so in danger of giving me nightmares that I deleted it. If you really want to see, google "enormous cockroach." It's the one picture of a huge one in disturbing detail.::
I definitely almost broke the washing machine today trying to wash my bedsheets. It was like rocking and making loud thumping noises. I had to take stuff out, and then all the wet stuff I removed created a river in our living room. Lovely.
Welcome to my Hawaii adventures. It is ridiculous. And fun. And then not fun. And really tiring. And then fun again.
Pictures coming soon. The best thing to do is keep a lookout on facebook. K thanks.
It was just rough, in general, for a lot of reasons I can't really talk about.
But it was also great, more in the latter half of the day. It was seriously, in all earnestness, the most ridiculous, crazy, nonsensical, stressful day I have ever had, I think, in my whole life. One of those, everything is out of place and nothing's going right days.
So friends. Kelsey was trying really hard NOT to pass out today after our run. That was scary. I'm just glad she was okay. And then Aya got hit by a goddamned car! What the hell! But she is also okay. So double PHEW there.
Aya and I joke about her life as a J drama. She has had many adventure on that bike (and with boyfriend). hahahahaha okay only like one other person will get that so I definitely just laughed at that by myself.
Saw Taikoproject folks, which was uber exciting!! I was glad to see Yumi, Kitty, Jen, Brian, and then meet Steph. Good times.
Practice was pretty refreshing today too.
Did I ever explain how huge cockroaches are here? It's insane. These things are like rats. Sizewise.
That's fucking sick. Not my own picture, but yes they are HUGENORMOUS. I'm going to have nightmares now, so enjoy the damn picture!
::EDIT the picture was so disgusting and so in danger of giving me nightmares that I deleted it. If you really want to see, google "enormous cockroach." It's the one picture of a huge one in disturbing detail.::
I definitely almost broke the washing machine today trying to wash my bedsheets. It was like rocking and making loud thumping noises. I had to take stuff out, and then all the wet stuff I removed created a river in our living room. Lovely.
Welcome to my Hawaii adventures. It is ridiculous. And fun. And then not fun. And really tiring. And then fun again.
Pictures coming soon. The best thing to do is keep a lookout on facebook. K thanks.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Dammit! Give me that cupcake
I feel like such a looooser for not being able to keep up with the debates!! dahahah I feel like...the total uncool kid - while the web is buzzing with talk about presidential debates, palin ingenuity, brilliant SNL spoofs...I'm still trying to find the time (and sometimes, the motivation) to sit down and actually watch everything.
Bad, I know, but it's kind of hard to do right now! I can't even say time is my only excuse though...when it's on your own time, you kinda have to be in the MOOD to do that kinda stuff, ya feel me? And when I've been caught with the time, I just can't bring myself to do it. But I will, even if it's months too late. hahahaha AHH, I dunno why, but it kinda stresses me out.
Week off from classes (meaning, Mon and Wed only), but it definitely doesn't feel like one.
I finally got some time on Monday morning to work on my grant project - basically, it's about three JA women whom I wholeheartedly admire - and how their work is impacted by their own perspectives and experiences with gender dynamics within their respective working spaces. It was great, to revisit those interviews, and even in the course of six or so months, my perspectives on gender oppression have changed a little. Shifted to, I would say, more of a radical view. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing - but it definitely is inspiring in some ways, thought-provoking in others, to hear from these women directly, based on their own life experiences. These were women either directly involved in the Redress movement, or very closely tied to the activism from that period. Yes, those were different times.
BUT here's the thing.
Scott, you kind of mentioned this in one of your blog entries, but there's this perception nowadays, that the Civil Rights Movement is over, we don't have those kinds of pressing racial community issues anymore.
BUT HELLOOO. The bailout? The economy? Anti-immigration sentiment? Anti-abortion legislation? The war? Need I say more?
After some thought, I can say, although it's not just like the African American's condition way back when, it still can be the Pacific Islander's, the Native Hawaiian's, the American Indian's, the undocumented immigrant's conditions that need to be addressed. They suffer from the kinds of present day oppressions and everyday barriers in comparable ways.
And our nation is seriously experiencing some unprecedented problems - some progress and advances, yes - but on a larger scale, really, foreal - PROBLEMS.
I think in the context of this broadly complacent society, we just don't know how to deal with them the same way. Different organizing methods, varied approaches, whatever - there are obviously still a lot of things that can be done, and NEED to be done.
Which brings me to the JA community. Okay, so privileged. Duh. Up the wazoo. Or so the image goes.
What's weird to me is that the whole image of the "model minority" was applied directly to JAs ONLY! Not all Asian Americans as an entity, but Japanese Americans alone. Now it's something detrimental to the entire Asian American community.
In a very careful attempt to not spew irrationally about my frustrations with the JA community, all I'm going to say is that I think right now - with all the institutions, the hierarchies, the deeply ingrained structure of patriarchy and capitalism - if you look at Japan's history, it kind of makes sense. Granted, JAs are not the same as the Japanese, but there is still a degree of connection. What occurred to me while I was reading A Native Daughter - the book by Haunani-Kay Trask - was that, the Japanese are colonizers too! They are the sole Asian country that has outright colonized other countries. ESPECIALLY in the case of Hawai'i, they are one of the major (and I mean THE major) contributors to the support of tourism and oppression of Native Hawaiians here. There's just - no consideration. I feel like, as an entity, the Japanese are completely oblivious. Now, where the rejection of that? The rejection of that colonizing history, the deconstruction of a culture that has consistently oppressed other, less powerful ethnic groups?
Then comes the tug between culture and ideology. Patriarchy and ageism is a part of the Japanese culture - respecting your elders, particularly if they are male. There's the culture of how they treat younger women, and it carries over, unquestionably, to what happens in the states. Isn't there a way to decolonize myself against that? Anyhow, I think I'm still in the process of reconciling that stuff. Maybe Aya can help me on this one. I'm so confused.
I totally didn't mean for this to turn into a huge, ridiculous rant, but that Trask book, I swear, makes me go crazy. These are a people consistently, constantly denied access to their own land and culture, and nobody here really seems to care. It is almost identical to the American Indian situation - except that definitely happened like two centuries ago. It is virtually a complete repeat of that whole dealio, and HOW!??
I just don't get it. I don't get our country!! I don't even get my own community.
Downtime is a bad thing for me, maybe.
haha IN OTHER NEWS, I went and spent $100 on a Japanese-style manicure. Is that ridiculous or what!
I AM BACK IN LA IN NOVEMBER!! NOVEMBER 21st! That is exciting.
Ace of Cakes is a bomb show.
OH YEAH and I definitely ran 4 miles the other day. I dunno how, but I did. I've never even run that much in my whole life. It's a sign of change.
Bad, I know, but it's kind of hard to do right now! I can't even say time is my only excuse though...when it's on your own time, you kinda have to be in the MOOD to do that kinda stuff, ya feel me? And when I've been caught with the time, I just can't bring myself to do it. But I will, even if it's months too late. hahahaha AHH, I dunno why, but it kinda stresses me out.
Week off from classes (meaning, Mon and Wed only), but it definitely doesn't feel like one.
I finally got some time on Monday morning to work on my grant project - basically, it's about three JA women whom I wholeheartedly admire - and how their work is impacted by their own perspectives and experiences with gender dynamics within their respective working spaces. It was great, to revisit those interviews, and even in the course of six or so months, my perspectives on gender oppression have changed a little. Shifted to, I would say, more of a radical view. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing - but it definitely is inspiring in some ways, thought-provoking in others, to hear from these women directly, based on their own life experiences. These were women either directly involved in the Redress movement, or very closely tied to the activism from that period. Yes, those were different times.
BUT here's the thing.
Scott, you kind of mentioned this in one of your blog entries, but there's this perception nowadays, that the Civil Rights Movement is over, we don't have those kinds of pressing racial community issues anymore.
BUT HELLOOO. The bailout? The economy? Anti-immigration sentiment? Anti-abortion legislation? The war? Need I say more?
After some thought, I can say, although it's not just like the African American's condition way back when, it still can be the Pacific Islander's, the Native Hawaiian's, the American Indian's, the undocumented immigrant's conditions that need to be addressed. They suffer from the kinds of present day oppressions and everyday barriers in comparable ways.
And our nation is seriously experiencing some unprecedented problems - some progress and advances, yes - but on a larger scale, really, foreal - PROBLEMS.
I think in the context of this broadly complacent society, we just don't know how to deal with them the same way. Different organizing methods, varied approaches, whatever - there are obviously still a lot of things that can be done, and NEED to be done.
Which brings me to the JA community. Okay, so privileged. Duh. Up the wazoo. Or so the image goes.
What's weird to me is that the whole image of the "model minority" was applied directly to JAs ONLY! Not all Asian Americans as an entity, but Japanese Americans alone. Now it's something detrimental to the entire Asian American community.
In a very careful attempt to not spew irrationally about my frustrations with the JA community, all I'm going to say is that I think right now - with all the institutions, the hierarchies, the deeply ingrained structure of patriarchy and capitalism - if you look at Japan's history, it kind of makes sense. Granted, JAs are not the same as the Japanese, but there is still a degree of connection. What occurred to me while I was reading A Native Daughter - the book by Haunani-Kay Trask - was that, the Japanese are colonizers too! They are the sole Asian country that has outright colonized other countries. ESPECIALLY in the case of Hawai'i, they are one of the major (and I mean THE major) contributors to the support of tourism and oppression of Native Hawaiians here. There's just - no consideration. I feel like, as an entity, the Japanese are completely oblivious. Now, where the rejection of that? The rejection of that colonizing history, the deconstruction of a culture that has consistently oppressed other, less powerful ethnic groups?
Then comes the tug between culture and ideology. Patriarchy and ageism is a part of the Japanese culture - respecting your elders, particularly if they are male. There's the culture of how they treat younger women, and it carries over, unquestionably, to what happens in the states. Isn't there a way to decolonize myself against that? Anyhow, I think I'm still in the process of reconciling that stuff. Maybe Aya can help me on this one. I'm so confused.
I totally didn't mean for this to turn into a huge, ridiculous rant, but that Trask book, I swear, makes me go crazy. These are a people consistently, constantly denied access to their own land and culture, and nobody here really seems to care. It is almost identical to the American Indian situation - except that definitely happened like two centuries ago. It is virtually a complete repeat of that whole dealio, and HOW!??
I just don't get it. I don't get our country!! I don't even get my own community.
Downtime is a bad thing for me, maybe.
haha IN OTHER NEWS, I went and spent $100 on a Japanese-style manicure. Is that ridiculous or what!
I AM BACK IN LA IN NOVEMBER!! NOVEMBER 21st! That is exciting.
Ace of Cakes is a bomb show.
OH YEAH and I definitely ran 4 miles the other day. I dunno how, but I did. I've never even run that much in my whole life. It's a sign of change.
Friday, October 3, 2008
While I do some catch-up myself (ketchup? catsup?)
I got so many Palin links today, it was like a sign. I haven't seen the VP debates yet, but rest assured, as soon as CNN gives me what I need, I will provide my own commentary. But I had to share a few things with you:
From Kirstie:
Courtesy of the Huffington Post.
From Christina Walter, aka Crown Royal on Ice:
Debating for Dummies.
And from Helen:
Different from the Diddy we see in some of his reality shows, such as Making the Band 4 or That working for Diddy show I don't really know the name of.
I expect all of these things will be accurate and correct in their measurings of Palin's long list of "qualifications" for the job, but we all might as well enjoy ourselves in the process.
And ah gawd, TI is hot:
From Kirstie:
Courtesy of the Huffington Post.From Christina Walter, aka Crown Royal on Ice:
Debating for Dummies.
And from Helen:
Different from the Diddy we see in some of his reality shows, such as Making the Band 4 or That working for Diddy show I don't really know the name of.
I expect all of these things will be accurate and correct in their measurings of Palin's long list of "qualifications" for the job, but we all might as well enjoy ourselves in the process.
And ah gawd, TI is hot:
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Feelin a little crazy
I woke up this morning dreading work, and yet still, here I am. Sitting. I couldn't sleep well last night for some reason - could be any number of reasons - nausea from the pill, the food I ate last night, back pain, whatever. I tried to have coffee and now I feel jittery, and that never happens to me!
Maybe I just need to rest. Unfortunately, there's so little time for that.
---
Anyway, I have a camera now, that beauty of a thing arrived in the mail about a week ago, thanks to Aya. It's SO nice though, I'm too scared to USE it! I tried so hard not to lose my last camera, it was so amazing, and then it was randomly lost for reasons beyond my control.
So, Maui trip. It was very cool.
I don't think I've ever had such a taiko intensive couple of days before, in my whole life, but considering I've only been playing taiko since my first year at UCLA that's not saying much. It was definitely a chance for me to test myself, challenge my ability to perform and play, all that kind of thing. And despite the seemingly intense physical exhaustion, I loved it.
Learning new stuff is always great, and especially these first few months, that's what my time with KETE is all about. That, and getting to know everyone better is such a plus. I think every week I have more and more fun with them all. I think I'm excited too, for what's to come the remaining...12 or so months of my time here.
Work in general is okay, I guess. Today's just one of those downer days I think. Or, well, mornings at least. It's only 10 am, but it feels like I've been here for 8 hours already.
Here's to hoping it gets better!
Maybe I just need to rest. Unfortunately, there's so little time for that.
---
Anyway, I have a camera now, that beauty of a thing arrived in the mail about a week ago, thanks to Aya. It's SO nice though, I'm too scared to USE it! I tried so hard not to lose my last camera, it was so amazing, and then it was randomly lost for reasons beyond my control.
So, Maui trip. It was very cool.
I don't think I've ever had such a taiko intensive couple of days before, in my whole life, but considering I've only been playing taiko since my first year at UCLA that's not saying much. It was definitely a chance for me to test myself, challenge my ability to perform and play, all that kind of thing. And despite the seemingly intense physical exhaustion, I loved it.
Learning new stuff is always great, and especially these first few months, that's what my time with KETE is all about. That, and getting to know everyone better is such a plus. I think every week I have more and more fun with them all. I think I'm excited too, for what's to come the remaining...12 or so months of my time here.
Work in general is okay, I guess. Today's just one of those downer days I think. Or, well, mornings at least. It's only 10 am, but it feels like I've been here for 8 hours already.
Here's to hoping it gets better!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Is it okay
to tell a white guy who asks you "out" that you don't date white guys?
I guess for me, it's hard to make the presumption that the hangout is "like that."
---
Went to Maui this past weekend - it was a whirlwind of performances, but such a great experience. Good bonding time with Sensei and Chizuko and Emi too.
More later.
(Also, a quick shoutout to Nessa, Kirstie, Mr. Hyphen, and Lisa. haha. Thanks for your uplifting comments! Will update on Trask book soon)
I guess for me, it's hard to make the presumption that the hangout is "like that."
---
Went to Maui this past weekend - it was a whirlwind of performances, but such a great experience. Good bonding time with Sensei and Chizuko and Emi too.
More later.
(Also, a quick shoutout to Nessa, Kirstie, Mr. Hyphen, and Lisa. haha. Thanks for your uplifting comments! Will update on Trask book soon)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
A Proper Hawaii Post, finally.
So I apologize to those of you who have been kind enough to read - I promised updates about Hawai'i, but for lack of a camera for documentation, I've just been spewing inner thoughts and complaining about my busy schedule.
I decided, to start, I would update on things that have already happened a while ago - my first week in Honolulu with my family (we family vacationed the first week here), and then a couple of other pictures from outings.
Here goes!
My family stayed in Waikiki, at the Doubletree, and one of our outings (probably the best) was to the Polynesian Cultural Center. Think of this as...a theme park of Pacific Islands, like Disneyland, only instead of Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, and Frontierland, you have...Fiji, Aotearoa, Samoa, Tonga, etc.
Pictures are above captions.
There was a "canoe pageant" - think, canoe parade, where each island had a feature dance/performance. Pretty cool. I chose Samoa's picture because they're wearing purple, my favorite color in the whole world. And each island seemed to have a "personality." I liked theirs best.
Mixed feelings about the Cultural Center - I think the education part is pretty legit, but because it's so geared to tourists, it's sort of a double edged sword, if you know what I mean.
We also went to the Bishop Museum - it has exhibitions on Native Hawaiian culture and history, artifacts, and so on.
With Mom and Dad. Yays.
With sister! Cool sculptures.
We also got to visit a beach - Lanikai Beach, which is way pretty and very empty (it's got no facilities, so not that many people frequent it. Most go to Hanauma Bay, which is a couple of miles away). Sis's pics captures some of the beauty.
We happened upon the part of the beach that didn't have...the part of the beach where you'd lay down and chill on your towel, so here I am like what the fuck. I want to swim but not stay wet the whole day.
Once we found what we were looking for though, the swim was amazing. The water was a perfect temperature, so clean, and so fun to swim in. Too bad I haven't been back since! In time, though, in time.
I also broke my pescatarian diet here in Hawaii - a turning over of a new leaf, and I was just craving bacon like hell.
I just said fuck it and indulged. It was the most amazing feeling in my life until after I finished my meal. I didn't get sick...I just felt greasy. It's better now. I can have Volcano Tacos from Taco Bell. That shit is good. I had four of them tonight.
So forward a couple of weeks, and my new friend Aichan, who's on the taiko team, decided to take me and Kelsey, one my roommates, out on a touristy journey.
We ended up at the Dole Plantation! Another technically fucked up tourist exploit, but eh. Aichan was nice enough to take us, and it was cool to at least see. Lots of white people. From left to right, that's Kelsey, Raceson (Aichan's son), and yours truly.
DOLE WHIP. Exactly like what you can get at Disneyland, except huge and totally worth it.
Then, to SHRIMP!! In North Shore there's a shitload of shrimp trucks that serve amazing garlic shrimp. Romy's isn't a truck, but the shrimp is still amazing. This is what Kelsey calls my shrimp face, with mah hair all messy and shiet. SHRIMPSIES!!!!
Yah so that's all for now. In case you haven't noticed, these pics (and way more) are also on facebook. But I just thought I'd add some Candice commentary to add some relevance to this blog.
Also, watched Katt Williams on Comedy Central tonight. He's fucking hilarious! Highly recommend watching.
I get my new camera from Aya in the next week or two, so expect more updates after that. Meanwhile, thank GOD for gchat.
Going to the movies with my kids tomorrow for some hangout time. There's this $1 theater in downtown Honolulu that shows out-of-theaters-but-not-yet-on-DVD movies. Awesome. And, I promised them popcorn. On me.
I decided, to start, I would update on things that have already happened a while ago - my first week in Honolulu with my family (we family vacationed the first week here), and then a couple of other pictures from outings.
Here goes!
My family stayed in Waikiki, at the Doubletree, and one of our outings (probably the best) was to the Polynesian Cultural Center. Think of this as...a theme park of Pacific Islands, like Disneyland, only instead of Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, and Frontierland, you have...Fiji, Aotearoa, Samoa, Tonga, etc.
Pictures are above captions.
There was a "canoe pageant" - think, canoe parade, where each island had a feature dance/performance. Pretty cool. I chose Samoa's picture because they're wearing purple, my favorite color in the whole world. And each island seemed to have a "personality." I liked theirs best.Mixed feelings about the Cultural Center - I think the education part is pretty legit, but because it's so geared to tourists, it's sort of a double edged sword, if you know what I mean.
We also went to the Bishop Museum - it has exhibitions on Native Hawaiian culture and history, artifacts, and so on.
With Mom and Dad. Yays.With sister! Cool sculptures.We also got to visit a beach - Lanikai Beach, which is way pretty and very empty (it's got no facilities, so not that many people frequent it. Most go to Hanauma Bay, which is a couple of miles away). Sis's pics captures some of the beauty.
We happened upon the part of the beach that didn't have...the part of the beach where you'd lay down and chill on your towel, so here I am like what the fuck. I want to swim but not stay wet the whole day.Once we found what we were looking for though, the swim was amazing. The water was a perfect temperature, so clean, and so fun to swim in. Too bad I haven't been back since! In time, though, in time.
I also broke my pescatarian diet here in Hawaii - a turning over of a new leaf, and I was just craving bacon like hell.
I just said fuck it and indulged. It was the most amazing feeling in my life until after I finished my meal. I didn't get sick...I just felt greasy. It's better now. I can have Volcano Tacos from Taco Bell. That shit is good. I had four of them tonight.So forward a couple of weeks, and my new friend Aichan, who's on the taiko team, decided to take me and Kelsey, one my roommates, out on a touristy journey.
We ended up at the Dole Plantation! Another technically fucked up tourist exploit, but eh. Aichan was nice enough to take us, and it was cool to at least see. Lots of white people. From left to right, that's Kelsey, Raceson (Aichan's son), and yours truly.DOLE WHIP. Exactly like what you can get at Disneyland, except huge and totally worth it.Then, to SHRIMP!! In North Shore there's a shitload of shrimp trucks that serve amazing garlic shrimp. Romy's isn't a truck, but the shrimp is still amazing. This is what Kelsey calls my shrimp face, with mah hair all messy and shiet. SHRIMPSIES!!!!Yah so that's all for now. In case you haven't noticed, these pics (and way more) are also on facebook. But I just thought I'd add some Candice commentary to add some relevance to this blog.
Also, watched Katt Williams on Comedy Central tonight. He's fucking hilarious! Highly recommend watching.
I get my new camera from Aya in the next week or two, so expect more updates after that. Meanwhile, thank GOD for gchat.
Going to the movies with my kids tomorrow for some hangout time. There's this $1 theater in downtown Honolulu that shows out-of-theaters-but-not-yet-on-DVD movies. Awesome. And, I promised them popcorn. On me.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Down with the system! Any system!
I usually try and avoid double-posting in one day because I feel like it trivializes the first, but I can't wait the 8 minutes for it to be another day. I just wanted to post before I forgot, that this is my new book:
And when my boss saw it, he jokingly asked, "Are you an anarchist?"
This is my law office boss, who's cool and all that, admitted he was middle of the road politically and in life. And I told him, "mm, not quite. But anti-capitalist."
I guess this attorney is pretty representative of (or at least, stereotypical of) local Hawaiians out here. Shame.
The injustices suffered here are eerily similar to that of American Indians, and I predict that this book will make me angrier at Hawaii (politically).
Gotta love it.
And when my boss saw it, he jokingly asked, "Are you an anarchist?"
This is my law office boss, who's cool and all that, admitted he was middle of the road politically and in life. And I told him, "mm, not quite. But anti-capitalist."
I guess this attorney is pretty representative of (or at least, stereotypical of) local Hawaiians out here. Shame.
The injustices suffered here are eerily similar to that of American Indians, and I predict that this book will make me angrier at Hawaii (politically).
Gotta love it.
Check it
Scott posted this too, but I'll do it anyway. I got it from UCLA folks. (And - congrats Scott on finalist-ing for Mr. Hyphen!)
This is Your Nation on White Privilege
Sep 13, 2008 By Tim Wise
Wise's ZSpace Page / ZSpace (also on his blog at www.timwise.org )
For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who
are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it,
perhaps this list will help.
White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol
Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your
family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you
or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black
and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified
as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.
White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck,"
like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone
messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about how
you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a
responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather
than a thug.
White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six
years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of,
then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to
achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as
unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first
place because of affirmative action.
White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state
with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island
of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people
don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S.
Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means
you're "untested."
White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under
God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for
the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately
disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was
written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until
the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and
terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you
used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous
and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.
White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make
people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to
have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that
wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska
first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family,
while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11
memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school,
people immediately think she's being disrespectful.
White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and
the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of
women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end
to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if
you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month
governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in
college--you're some how being mean, or even sexist.
White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even
agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the
ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made
them give your party a "second look."
White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your
political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being
a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and
merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in
Chicago means you must be corrupt.
White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose
pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize
George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly
Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian
theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who
say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for
rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good
church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black
pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of
Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign
policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on
black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.
White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by
a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you
such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give
one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging
the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.
White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has
anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a
"light" burden.
And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly
allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W.
Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing,
people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is
increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters
aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too
vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which
is very concrete and certain.
White privilege is, in short, the problem.
Tim Wise is the author of White Like Me (Soft Skull, 2005, revised
2008), and of Speaking Treason Fluently, publishing this month, also
by Soft Skull. For review copies or interview requests, please reply
to publicity@softskull.com
This is Your Nation on White Privilege
Sep 13, 2008 By Tim Wise
Wise's ZSpace Page / ZSpace (also on his blog at www.timwise.org )
For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who
are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it,
perhaps this list will help.
White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol
Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your
family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you
or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black
and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified
as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.
White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck,"
like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone
messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about how
you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a
responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather
than a thug.
White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six
years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of,
then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to
achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as
unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first
place because of affirmative action.
White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state
with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island
of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people
don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S.
Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means
you're "untested."
White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under
God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for
the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately
disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was
written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until
the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and
terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you
used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous
and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.
White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make
people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to
have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that
wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska
first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family,
while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11
memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school,
people immediately think she's being disrespectful.
White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and
the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of
women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end
to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if
you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month
governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in
college--you're some how being mean, or even sexist.
White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even
agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the
ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made
them give your party a "second look."
White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your
political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being
a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and
merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in
Chicago means you must be corrupt.
White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose
pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize
George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly
Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian
theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who
say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for
rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good
church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black
pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of
Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign
policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on
black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.
White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by
a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you
such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give
one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging
the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.
White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has
anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a
"light" burden.
And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly
allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W.
Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing,
people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is
increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters
aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too
vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which
is very concrete and certain.
White privilege is, in short, the problem.
Tim Wise is the author of White Like Me (Soft Skull, 2005, revised
2008), and of Speaking Treason Fluently, publishing this month, also
by Soft Skull. For review copies or interview requests, please reply
to publicity@softskull.com
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Goodbye, My Almost Lover, You Can Go to Hell
this will never happen again, by the way
megcand writes:
Hawaii can be great, but I think more than anything I"m confused about what I'm supposed to be feeling and what I actually am feeling.
I miss home, I miss my family, I miss my friends - not enough to want to leave - but enough to make me wonder how long it will take to adjust.
I feel unfulfilled in some way and I dont really know why or how. I just feel - not right. Not completely happy. Satisfied, or well, maybe not even that. I can stand things this way, but if it continues I wont be happy with this experience, and I dont want that.
Maybe I'm just tired, but nights bring such emo thoughts and its weird. I dunno. I dont even know what I"m writing, I'm just tired. I dont even care about typos or whatever and I'm usually so meticulous about that stuff.
DAH! I know, trust myself, my instincts, that inner guidance - I think I do feel it around the corner, but I dunno when it'll come to me, and I kind of want it soon.
all in due time, i suppose.
megcand writes:
Hawaii can be great, but I think more than anything I"m confused about what I'm supposed to be feeling and what I actually am feeling.
I miss home, I miss my family, I miss my friends - not enough to want to leave - but enough to make me wonder how long it will take to adjust.
I feel unfulfilled in some way and I dont really know why or how. I just feel - not right. Not completely happy. Satisfied, or well, maybe not even that. I can stand things this way, but if it continues I wont be happy with this experience, and I dont want that.
Maybe I'm just tired, but nights bring such emo thoughts and its weird. I dunno. I dont even know what I"m writing, I'm just tired. I dont even care about typos or whatever and I'm usually so meticulous about that stuff.
DAH! I know, trust myself, my instincts, that inner guidance - I think I do feel it around the corner, but I dunno when it'll come to me, and I kind of want it soon.
all in due time, i suppose.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
There is no secret ingredient
Life here is full of adjustments, of that there is no doubt. I've just been trying to get used to, well, my schedule mostly, but also, I dunno, just, a whole new life.
For one thing, all of those things they say about collegiate taiko - about the "real world" taiko not being that, about other taiko not being that - that's true. Collegiate taiko is not TP, and TP is not KETE. I guess all in all, taiko groups are just not the same.
More than the rigorous schedules and expectations, which are exactly what I was looking for in a year-long taiko experience to help me become more experienced, well-rounded, and well, good, I think I most have to adjust to the new personality of this taiko team. It's the black to the white I knew before, the all-new to the all-too-familiar.
Although I miss things about Kyodo, and definitely some things about TP, and even Prota, I think I'm trying to take it all in, in a matter that's - well, I guess, going to help me make the most of this experience. I already feel things about me changing, physically, and I'm constantly learning new things about what taiko IS, what taiko means, and what taiko can be - both to KETE, and to me.
I could go on forever about that - but bottom line - it's a whole new game.
I also...miss kendo. And that's weird to me, because I always think of having chosen Taiko over Kendo - Kendo was that thing I was forced to do, all these years growing up, until I got to UCLA, found taiko, and made a choice.
Taiko is to Kenny Sensei what Kendo is to my dad, and I think making that connection - missing my family, missing that culture back home - is also making me miss Kendo. The disciplined culture of Japanese Taiko is very similar to that of Kendo - hierachical, yes, but that aside - very strongly tied to Japanese culture, one that I grew up with in that kendo world. I think I also relate Kendo to a part of my life, a part of me, that a lot of my college friends don't know - I did Kendo with the UCLA team for a year, but after that, I was Kyodo-NSU-APC Candice. Not Kendo Sayuri. Definitely different, and a part of myself I'm thinking of reclaiming.
Maybe Hawaii is a crossroads of what seemed before like two completely separate parts of my life, and my time here will let me patch the two together, for a more holistic understanding of what my 22 years mean.
Deep, huh? I'm getting a headache.
--
I've also met people, seen things, done things, that strangely, in the most cliche way possible, have begun to teach me to appreciate all the things I've always taken for granted.
Like - working in a family law firm? Makes me so grateful, and almost baffled - that my parents have stayed together, seemingly happily, and have done so well together the past 25 years.
Meeting an amazingly strong woman, who's been through so much hardship, and lost loved ones suddenly, makes me feel lucky to still have my family, and have them well.
Being away from organizing work and in a society that perpetuates its own oppression makes me see how much of a gem LA progressive work is.
It's kind of weird - even surreal - and right now I guess I don't really know what to make of it.
Kung Fu Panda is a good movie, and I need to eat. Thai curry and sticky rice, here I come.
For one thing, all of those things they say about collegiate taiko - about the "real world" taiko not being that, about other taiko not being that - that's true. Collegiate taiko is not TP, and TP is not KETE. I guess all in all, taiko groups are just not the same.
More than the rigorous schedules and expectations, which are exactly what I was looking for in a year-long taiko experience to help me become more experienced, well-rounded, and well, good, I think I most have to adjust to the new personality of this taiko team. It's the black to the white I knew before, the all-new to the all-too-familiar.
Although I miss things about Kyodo, and definitely some things about TP, and even Prota, I think I'm trying to take it all in, in a matter that's - well, I guess, going to help me make the most of this experience. I already feel things about me changing, physically, and I'm constantly learning new things about what taiko IS, what taiko means, and what taiko can be - both to KETE, and to me.
I could go on forever about that - but bottom line - it's a whole new game.
I also...miss kendo. And that's weird to me, because I always think of having chosen Taiko over Kendo - Kendo was that thing I was forced to do, all these years growing up, until I got to UCLA, found taiko, and made a choice.
Taiko is to Kenny Sensei what Kendo is to my dad, and I think making that connection - missing my family, missing that culture back home - is also making me miss Kendo. The disciplined culture of Japanese Taiko is very similar to that of Kendo - hierachical, yes, but that aside - very strongly tied to Japanese culture, one that I grew up with in that kendo world. I think I also relate Kendo to a part of my life, a part of me, that a lot of my college friends don't know - I did Kendo with the UCLA team for a year, but after that, I was Kyodo-NSU-APC Candice. Not Kendo Sayuri. Definitely different, and a part of myself I'm thinking of reclaiming.
Maybe Hawaii is a crossroads of what seemed before like two completely separate parts of my life, and my time here will let me patch the two together, for a more holistic understanding of what my 22 years mean.
Deep, huh? I'm getting a headache.
--
I've also met people, seen things, done things, that strangely, in the most cliche way possible, have begun to teach me to appreciate all the things I've always taken for granted.
Like - working in a family law firm? Makes me so grateful, and almost baffled - that my parents have stayed together, seemingly happily, and have done so well together the past 25 years.
Meeting an amazingly strong woman, who's been through so much hardship, and lost loved ones suddenly, makes me feel lucky to still have my family, and have them well.
Being away from organizing work and in a society that perpetuates its own oppression makes me see how much of a gem LA progressive work is.
It's kind of weird - even surreal - and right now I guess I don't really know what to make of it.
Kung Fu Panda is a good movie, and I need to eat. Thai curry and sticky rice, here I come.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I really cried
Although I know there have been doubts and speculation as to the true accuracy of the autobiography, I still was very moved by Haley's epilogue to Malcolm X's life story.
Here was a man who wasn't afraid to fire-brand speak about the truths within his community. He started out angry and, after Mecca, adopted a whole new humanitarian perspective on life. We talk about being too afraid or unsure about ourselves to talk about what we're really thinking or feeling, and Malcolm X was no such type. Thank goodness.
I won't summarize the story, but I think this book has provided me with what I need while I'm here - it's hard to explain without sounding boringly cliche, but I feel something sparked - a new kind of energy and perspective I've taken from this piece.
I've earmarked and post-it marked various pages for quoting...and thought I would want to type them out, but now I'd rather not. It seems too...what's the word? predictable to do.
--
So many thoughts and too little time to be able to articulate them.
Becoming increasingly angry with the educational injustices here in Hawaii is one thing I've seen firsthand. I don't get why Hawaiian society isn't more keen on this problem, I'm told it's just the way people are here. Some, maybe, but not all. And why does it have to "just be that way??"
And I've joked about it, but my own perception of myself has changed a lot while I've been here. Or, more like shifted. Back in LA, it was a lot of anger and self-awareness about my being an Asian American woman, who looks young for her age, and really taking offense to anything that would seem racially and/or gender motivated. Like, really pissed off about little things.
But here, I've developed what I call JA guilt. To the situation around me. I feel guilty for being JA here, for being privileged, well-educated, financially comfortable. I feel guilty for being satisfied with my life here, for having had the option of coming here from Los Angeles to study taiko.
Teaching my kids at Kaimuki High School has been a wake up call. I'm slowly developing a new sensitivity to all the things I've been taking for granted. When others see me, instead of feeling angry because people probably think I'm some quiet, subservient Asian girl, now I feel like they see me and think, "look at that privileged East Asian, SHE has no idea what our problems are." And in a lot of ways, it's true.
Definitely, in the way of cultural sensitivity, I'm slowly learning things from my kids - little things like the celebrities I know aren't so familiar to them, or that the nuclear family is not the norm, or that I have to communicate effectively in a way that works for them in order to help them trust and understand me, and vice versa. It's sort of everything I've known in theory now being put into practice. Knowing their situation is not the same as being able to work with and understand them.
They're great kids, with a lot of interest in the world around, motivation to learn in school, bright personalities and amazing sense of humor. But the school system that is supposed to be developing them seems to be holding them back. Their basic English skills are not as developed, and it's put off as laziness or an unwillingness to work. The school administration and whoever else - couldn't be more wrong.
Here's a good example.
I was waiting for my class to start, and two of my students were in the class with me - we were just chilling, chatting a bit. Now the teacher who regularly teaches in that classroom was sitting, getting some afterschool work done. He's a white male. One of his PI students walks in, a football player-physiqued boy, and the teacher says, "Ohh, you're not going to be happy with me." The dialogue continued as follows:
"Why?"
"Because remember that pop quiz you said you took? I checked and it said you were ABSENT that day, so there's no way that you could have taken it."
"Wait what?? I was here! I took it, I remember!"
"No (name of student), you didn't. You can't lie to me, buddy, I know you were absent that day. I checked. You probably copied the answers off of the book, crumpled up the paper so it looked like it was old - I don't know where you got this paper."
"No Mister, I was here! I'm not lying! I really did it!"
and so on. Basically, the argument escalated into yelling, and the student was saying things like, "Fuck this, I'm not lying, tell me what day this was supposed to be" etc etc, and it ended in the teacher thinking he was being threatened and kicking the student out of his classroom, who was pissed off.
Now what sort of got to me was the fact that despite the accusation of lying and cheating, this student seemed SO SURE that he had taken this pop quiz.
And guess what?
The teacher later told me he was actually there and had taken the pop quiz, but the only problem was that the handwriting on his test was way different from one of his other homework papers. But this teacher was mad because he had been threatened and disrespected.
Okay so. One thing, fine, you were cussed out by a student, that's understandable to want to be mad, whatever.
BUT BOTTOM LINE!? This teacher didn't even TRY to help out this student. And the fact that he was checking handwriting tells me that after he realized that the student was present and that he, the teacher, was wrong, he still found some way to make the student wrong and bad, dishonest, etc.
This teacher also listed me as a reference for this kid's referral, in case someone needed to verify his story that he'd be threatened. Nobody's come to talk to me yet (my guess is they totally just suspended the kid anyway, which is fucked up), but if they do I'll tell them what I think, and what I saw. I wish I could have done something to stand up for him, but it really wasn't my place to do so since I wasn't supposed to be in the room.
Although since my name was on the referral as a "witness," maybe it was my place, in which case I suck. Not to make excuses, but I seriously didn't know what to do.
Well, next time I know.
I know this post is really long, but venting was overdue. I wish I could do something to help these kids - someone just needs to have more faith in them.
OR maybe I'm just too idealistic. I dunno. I'm going to start with my kids, and see where we can take it from there.
Til next time, world.
Yes, that's it
I'll explain it this way, sir. If some men are in a car, driving with a destination in mind, and you know they are going the wrong way, but they are convinced they are going the right way, then you get into the car with them, and ride with them, talking - and finally when they see they are on the wrong road, not getting where they were intending, then you tell them, and they will listen to you then, what road to take.
Malcolm X, as documented by Alex Haley
And yes Kirstie, I will gladly eat a malasada for you!
Malcolm X, as documented by Alex Haley
And yes Kirstie, I will gladly eat a malasada for you!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Maybe you deserved it, idiots
Sylvia Grice and Dorranne Leggett are DUMB.
And Kim Jae Wook is a hot male.
More on Malcolm X coming soon. I finally finished the book! Rejoice.
And Kim Jae Wook is a hot male.
More on Malcolm X coming soon. I finally finished the book! Rejoice.
Monday, September 8, 2008
My new relationship with a Korean drama
Excuse the teenybopper interlude, but meet - My new lover. I officially watched 3 hours of this biz today.
I need to get out more...OR maybe this is just what I need to destress.
With faces like this, who could go wrong?
Meet Kim Jae Wook, who's actually J. Thanks, tiffanykimchiland, whoever you are.my brain is frying
In other news, Leonard's Malasadas are great, and I ate chicken today, after a long day of TOO MUCH TAIKO. (not always a bad thing.)
Friday, September 5, 2008
Give Me Liberty, or Give Me a Molotov Cocktail
I am sorry to say I haven't been watching the RNC (or the DNC, for that matter) for lack of both time and attention span, but I have been keeping up at work, thanks to CNN.com.
I just read McCain's speech from yesterday, and yes yes I know, everyone's all abuzz about McCain and Palin and what idiots (most) Republicans are.
What gets me most though, is this: McCain talked about these couples and families who work hard and struggle to do good for their country. They are schoolteachers, folks who work with the disabled community, American soldiers - and most of all, WHITE PEOPLE. You know how, when you read a fortune from a fortune cookie, some sillies like to add "in bed" at the end of each life prediction to make it more interesting?
Well, to some degree, we can do the same to McCain's speech. Only add "white people" at the end of nearly every sentence - and you'll get from him what he REALLY means in his promises to the country. Here are a few examples.
We believe in a government that unleashes the creativity and initiative of Americans, government that doesn't make your choices for you, but works to make sure you have more choices to make for yourself (if you are white).
All these functions of government were designed before the rise of the global economy, the information technology revolution, and the end of the Cold War. We have to catch up to history, and we have to change the way we do business in Washington (for white people).
Aaand I could go forever. His ending, especially, all that "fight with me" business, you could add in that caveat everywhere. (Fight with me and white people. Fight for what's right for our country and white people. Fight for justice and opportunity for all white people, etc.)
Of course, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I mean a certain class and type of white people, but I feel very justified in generalizing in this way. (I feel inclined to qualify my statements to make sure people understand I know what I'm doing)
DAHHH, you people.
I just read McCain's speech from yesterday, and yes yes I know, everyone's all abuzz about McCain and Palin and what idiots (most) Republicans are.
What gets me most though, is this: McCain talked about these couples and families who work hard and struggle to do good for their country. They are schoolteachers, folks who work with the disabled community, American soldiers - and most of all, WHITE PEOPLE. You know how, when you read a fortune from a fortune cookie, some sillies like to add "in bed" at the end of each life prediction to make it more interesting?
Well, to some degree, we can do the same to McCain's speech. Only add "white people" at the end of nearly every sentence - and you'll get from him what he REALLY means in his promises to the country. Here are a few examples.
We believe in a government that unleashes the creativity and initiative of Americans, government that doesn't make your choices for you, but works to make sure you have more choices to make for yourself (if you are white).
All these functions of government were designed before the rise of the global economy, the information technology revolution, and the end of the Cold War. We have to catch up to history, and we have to change the way we do business in Washington (for white people).
I will keep taxes low and cut them where I can (for white people). My opponent will raise them. I will open...
I will open new markets to our goods and services (to white people). My opponent will close them.
I will cut government spending (for white people). He will increase it.
My friends, I've been an imperfect servant of my country for many years. But I've been her servant first, last, and always. And I've never...
I've never lived a day, in good times or bad, that I didn't thank God for the privilege (of being white). --> haha if he even knew....
I know how the military works, what it can do, what it can do better, and what it shouldn't do. I know how the world works (for white people). I know the good and the evil in it.
I know how to work with leaders who share our dreams of a freer, safer and more prosperous world (for white people), and how to stand up to those who don't.
I know how to secure the peace (for white people).
Aaand I could go forever. His ending, especially, all that "fight with me" business, you could add in that caveat everywhere. (Fight with me and white people. Fight for what's right for our country and white people. Fight for justice and opportunity for all white people, etc.)
Of course, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I mean a certain class and type of white people, but I feel very justified in generalizing in this way. (I feel inclined to qualify my statements to make sure people understand I know what I'm doing)
McCain mentions "the Latina daughter of migrant workers," but bullshit. He has no idea how to address their inequities and hardships.
DAHHH, you people.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Marry Me, Stephen Colbert
I would never marry a white man, unless his name were of that in the title.
Or perhaps Colville. Well, I wouldn't really marry him, but he does a good job in this video (thanks Scott). And I'm not technologically savvy enough to do it the fancy way, so here's a link.
Ooh, Palin is "qualified."
I swear to the God I'm Agnostic about, this white Congresswoman gives a bad name to all self-aware women, self-proclaimed feminists, and really, anyone who has taken the gender card to be a sign of real change. If she thinks she can bullshit her way through this argument about Palin, then she is very wrong, and living, tangible proof of why Republicans should NOT be in office. I mean, REALLY!?
I wasn't going to blog today for lack of energy, but watching Stephen Colbert, coming across that video, and finding out the saddest news I think I've ever heard in my life inspired me enough to at least update.
The news?
LISA FU IS LEAVING NAPAWF!
The world as I know it is crumbling down on me, and I don't know what to do!
Okay seriously, it kind of is. But I know's she's moving onto, as I told her, "bigger and better things," because Lisa Fu is probably the most amazing, down, and empowered woman I have ever met. Easily one of my life heroes, and I hope she knows that. I'm just so sad that if I come back to NAPAWF it won't be with her. Selfish, I know, but I can't help itttttttttt
A moment of silence.
---
I talked to Aya on Skype the other day, and that was nice. Great to hear her voice. We definitely chatted and caught up for about 2 hours.
Labor Day was hangout time with Kelsey and Ai-chan. Good times! A nice, touristy drive out to North Shore - my first time, and it was definitely a lot of fun. Yum shrimp from Romy's, even after a 40 million hour wait in line. Yay Kelsey! Yay Ai-chan!
In other news, Hawaii has been good to me, but my skin has been reacting very adversely the past few days to the heat. I have heat rash all over my neck and face. As bad as it sounds, it's at least not red and swollen. Let's just hope it goes away.
Had a great gchat convo with Alex Lowe today, while at work, about Erotic Horror as a movie genre, courtesy of the Japanese film industry. As he so eloquently put it, "AHH! oh. titties."
Taiko intensities are about to begin, and I never thought I would have to be this busy here. I suppose I enjoy being busy. It's better than the unproductive alternative. Taiko, no matter how intense, will always be enjoyable for me I think. Yikes. Learned lots today in practice(s), and am pretty excited, albeit a little nervous, for the start of the new term. This is real talk now.
(Real talk? Taiko is going to kill me)
Too tired to continue. Class tomorrow, I hope it goes well.
Or perhaps Colville. Well, I wouldn't really marry him, but he does a good job in this video (thanks Scott). And I'm not technologically savvy enough to do it the fancy way, so here's a link.
Ooh, Palin is "qualified."
I swear to the God I'm Agnostic about, this white Congresswoman gives a bad name to all self-aware women, self-proclaimed feminists, and really, anyone who has taken the gender card to be a sign of real change. If she thinks she can bullshit her way through this argument about Palin, then she is very wrong, and living, tangible proof of why Republicans should NOT be in office. I mean, REALLY!?
I wasn't going to blog today for lack of energy, but watching Stephen Colbert, coming across that video, and finding out the saddest news I think I've ever heard in my life inspired me enough to at least update.
The news?
LISA FU IS LEAVING NAPAWF!
The world as I know it is crumbling down on me, and I don't know what to do!
Okay seriously, it kind of is. But I know's she's moving onto, as I told her, "bigger and better things," because Lisa Fu is probably the most amazing, down, and empowered woman I have ever met. Easily one of my life heroes, and I hope she knows that. I'm just so sad that if I come back to NAPAWF it won't be with her. Selfish, I know, but I can't help itttttttttt
A moment of silence.
---
I talked to Aya on Skype the other day, and that was nice. Great to hear her voice. We definitely chatted and caught up for about 2 hours.
Labor Day was hangout time with Kelsey and Ai-chan. Good times! A nice, touristy drive out to North Shore - my first time, and it was definitely a lot of fun. Yum shrimp from Romy's, even after a 40 million hour wait in line. Yay Kelsey! Yay Ai-chan!
In other news, Hawaii has been good to me, but my skin has been reacting very adversely the past few days to the heat. I have heat rash all over my neck and face. As bad as it sounds, it's at least not red and swollen. Let's just hope it goes away.
Had a great gchat convo with Alex Lowe today, while at work, about Erotic Horror as a movie genre, courtesy of the Japanese film industry. As he so eloquently put it, "AHH! oh. titties."
Taiko intensities are about to begin, and I never thought I would have to be this busy here. I suppose I enjoy being busy. It's better than the unproductive alternative. Taiko, no matter how intense, will always be enjoyable for me I think. Yikes. Learned lots today in practice(s), and am pretty excited, albeit a little nervous, for the start of the new term. This is real talk now.
(Real talk? Taiko is going to kill me)
Too tired to continue. Class tomorrow, I hope it goes well.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Dawn saves the day
I knew I was missing my friends back home, and in that sense is the only real homesickness I've been feeling, but I really miss them now that I got to see Dawn today.
She's here visiting her sister (twins! identical! Lisa's like Dawn but not and I had to try very hard not to be tripped out), who lives in downtown Honolulu, and the two of them plus Mama Omori were nice enough to take me along on their morning trip to Farmer's Market. Cool stuff really - Farmer's Market Hawaii-style is a lot of fun and good food. After about an hour and a half there, we went to Diamond Head Market & Grill for some good take home desserts.
It was nice to finally meet Dawn's sister and of course, see Dawn. Just made me think how much I need to see everyone when I come back home in November.
--
Life here has been good, I'm adjusting just fine to my jobs so far, though they're definitely not without their challenges.
Being a Kaimuki HS afterschool teacher is tough, mainly because all 6-8 of my students are LEP (limited English proficient), and so it's really about me checking myself and trying to figure out how to be language sensitive. Really, culturally sensitive too. I have to learn how to communicate with them effectively, and although it's a welcome challenge, I know it will be hard and very draining. It's also my first time in a classroom environment, so although I'm maintaining my mentality of progressive, mutual learning-teaching, I have to figure out how to do it in a manner very differently from what I'm used to.
Then the law office is, well, law office work. Copying, faxing, phones, sending, all that kind of stuff, all while making sure everything is addressed, labeled, and stamped correctly. Tedious, tiring, but all in all doable, and I certainly need the money.
Since the community factor is lacking here, I've been trying to continue my conversations with folks, and enrich my mind with good readings. Also, I went on a massive Obey shopping spree online (as if conscious name brands will improve my chances of keeping up). I think with Scott's daily banter, Aya's from-Japan texts, and being able to chat with my other gchat friends regularly are all DEFINITELY lifesavers too.
Absolutely makes me appreciate my friends back home THAT much more. I miss you all.
Family too - it will be exciting to be back to LA for that week in Nov.
I'm also sad that I don't have pictures for everyone. So here's a pic for all of you of what I bought at the market today:
That's right - APPLE BANANAS! haha I have yet to try them, I hear they're just like regular bananas but sweeter. Yay banas.
Taiko gig later today - I have to own them shakers. That's all I'm playing at this wedding, while all the real KETE (K Endo Taiko Ensemble) performers do their thing.
That's all I've got for now. I think it's naptime.
LOVE.
::edit: I dunno why, but the apple banana pic likes to play some sort of disappearing act on me. Not my fault, and I can't figure it out. So oh well. Image google "apple bananas." It's the first picture.::
She's here visiting her sister (twins! identical! Lisa's like Dawn but not and I had to try very hard not to be tripped out), who lives in downtown Honolulu, and the two of them plus Mama Omori were nice enough to take me along on their morning trip to Farmer's Market. Cool stuff really - Farmer's Market Hawaii-style is a lot of fun and good food. After about an hour and a half there, we went to Diamond Head Market & Grill for some good take home desserts.
It was nice to finally meet Dawn's sister and of course, see Dawn. Just made me think how much I need to see everyone when I come back home in November.
--
Life here has been good, I'm adjusting just fine to my jobs so far, though they're definitely not without their challenges.
Being a Kaimuki HS afterschool teacher is tough, mainly because all 6-8 of my students are LEP (limited English proficient), and so it's really about me checking myself and trying to figure out how to be language sensitive. Really, culturally sensitive too. I have to learn how to communicate with them effectively, and although it's a welcome challenge, I know it will be hard and very draining. It's also my first time in a classroom environment, so although I'm maintaining my mentality of progressive, mutual learning-teaching, I have to figure out how to do it in a manner very differently from what I'm used to.
Then the law office is, well, law office work. Copying, faxing, phones, sending, all that kind of stuff, all while making sure everything is addressed, labeled, and stamped correctly. Tedious, tiring, but all in all doable, and I certainly need the money.
Since the community factor is lacking here, I've been trying to continue my conversations with folks, and enrich my mind with good readings. Also, I went on a massive Obey shopping spree online (as if conscious name brands will improve my chances of keeping up). I think with Scott's daily banter, Aya's from-Japan texts, and being able to chat with my other gchat friends regularly are all DEFINITELY lifesavers too.
Absolutely makes me appreciate my friends back home THAT much more. I miss you all.
Family too - it will be exciting to be back to LA for that week in Nov.
I'm also sad that I don't have pictures for everyone. So here's a pic for all of you of what I bought at the market today:
That's right - APPLE BANANAS! haha I have yet to try them, I hear they're just like regular bananas but sweeter. Yay banas.Taiko gig later today - I have to own them shakers. That's all I'm playing at this wedding, while all the real KETE (K Endo Taiko Ensemble) performers do their thing.
That's all I've got for now. I think it's naptime.
LOVE.
::edit: I dunno why, but the apple banana pic likes to play some sort of disappearing act on me. Not my fault, and I can't figure it out. So oh well. Image google "apple bananas." It's the first picture.::
Thursday, August 28, 2008
JA Community, Here Goes nothing - but read and THINK.
As I read on, I'm becoming increasingly convinced that The Autobiography of Malcom X: as told to Alex Haley is a must-read for every self-proclaimed Progressive. If you haven't read it, you should, and I know that doesn't mean much just coming from this blog. But take this passage:
The white man's system has been imposed upon non-white peoples all over the world. This is exactly the reason why wherever people who are anything but white live in this world today, the white man's governments are finding themselves in deeper and deeper trouble and peril.
Let's just face the truth. Facts! Whether or not the white man of the world is able to face truth, and facts, about the true reasons for his troubles - that's what essentially will determine whether or not he will survive.
Today we are seeing this revolution of the non-white peoples, who just a few years ago would have frozen in horror if the mighty white nations so much as lifted an eyebrow. What it is, simply, is that black and brown and red and yellow peoples have, after hundreds of years of exploitation and imposed "inferiority" and general misuse, become, finally, do-or-die sick and tired of the white man's heel on their necks.
Booyah. I could go on forever about how prophetic his words are, 40-some odd years later. And it's all about all people of color, not just African Americans. I think there's still a growing revolution, although in a lot of ways nobody can doubt that the API revolution is and has been long in the making. It's got a long way to go.
But - and bear with me as I switch gears a tad - I think the Japanese American community (in Los Angeles, specifically) has a much longer way to go in the way of Revolution.
Without trivializing the amazing efforts and passions that go into the work, both in Little Tokyo and the larger group, I see a major, key component lacking. I haven't yet figured out if this is the key also to solving some of the prevalent LT issues, but I definitely think it would make a huge difference in the dynamics, effectiveness, efficiency, and power of the JA community.
Everyone can agree on the importance of youth work. Without the passing down of education about community, about history, about the importance of engagement to future generations, nothing will get done. I think community needs, community histories, and the need for involvement have been passed down very effectively. More and more youth, in part thanks to the creation and revival of youth programs through JA nonprofits and other organizations, are getting some sort of awareness lesson in all of these things.
But I think what's also being passed down, is empty rhetoric. Empty rhetoric floats around various organizations - about progressive tactics, politics, actions. Terms like "grassroots," and tactics like "rallies," "protests," that pertain to direct action organizing are being emulated. Notice I say "emulated," and not "accomplished."
With the disclaimer of understanding that I am not in the work, I also say that just because I don't work directly in the community does not mean I do not understand it. I have had relevant conversations with parties in those key spaces, and from those experiences, from those discussions, I inevitably have formed my own analysis of the situation. What I see is, comparable to the Chinatown community, a situation of terribly entrenched politics that have trapped the community council in its own inactions and inabilities to act. Communication may be great on some levels, but it handicaps action.
Including targets and opponents on important, strategic discussions about how to solve and tackle a problem is no strategy at all. These are basics of grassroots organizing, of picking an issue and winning on it.
The situation is, as all such situations are, incredibly and overwhelmingly complicated because of intergenerational politics, varying perspectives and needs, and, of course, the rainbow of political diversity just within the Little Tokyo area. And without solidarity, without unity, OF COURSE nothing's going to get done.
Complexities are no excuse for complacency.
So after a whole summer and more, of thinking, struggling, questioning, criticizing - I've been able to tie some loose ends together. If we can't solve every problem at once, then we need to focus on a few important ones to start. I can break down my key ideas into a few points:
- Those in the community from our generation - the ones educating youth - lack basic grassroots organizing skills.
- Because that generation lacks those skills, it isn't being passed down anywhere, and further political entrenchments give way to more ineffective strategies.
- Either existing youth groups and their coordinators need to engage in getting those grassroots organizing trainings, or there need to be new youth groups that will provide youth with those skills.
First bullet point.
From what I've seen, particularly with those that I went to college with, the younger folk who are now very much invested and involved in the LT work have been in JA-centric work their whole life. And I use the JA-centric term in no negative way - only matter-of-factly. Campus organizational activities were centered around working within the JA community - absorbing their politics, their perspectives, their operations. But the education on grassroots organizing comes from other communities of color - from African Americans, from the Chicano/Latino communities, from Pacific Islanders, and other communities that are directly underserved. Without having REALLY, truly been involved in spaces with those communities - whether they were racially based, or labor-oriented, youth organizing-oriented, and so on - without having had those trainings, there's no clear and explicit understanding of the kinds of tactics and politics that follow that perspective.
I know there are folks who have heard the terms, and heard of the tactics just from sheer exposure to the issues, but that's never enough. Just because you can define it doesn't mean you can DO it.
Second bullet.
And of course, without that understanding, there's nothing to pass down.
What is being passed down is the same stuff that is special to the JA community. It's the same kinds of things the community has been doing for years. Only now, it doesn't work as well as it used to.
Third bullet.
Pretty self-explanatory, right?
The only way for the JA community to revolutionize its definition of what "Progressivism" is, and to truly understand grassroots organizing as other communities of color understand it, is to educate themselves, and then be able to pass it onto the youth.
Here's my example - if post-grad JAs truly knew how to grassroots organize, if the Los Angeles JA community KNEW HOW TO GRASSROOTS ORGANIZE, the Korean American, Chicano/Latino, and other families DIRECTLY impacted by gentrification would have been involved in this entire process from the beginning in some shape or form. I understand the issue of privilege in the ability to organize, but they currently have little to no representation in these Little Tokyo spaces. Or if they do, they're not being seen or heard. There are only advocates. There are no organizers in Little Tokyo.
And second example - if the LA JA community knew how to grassroots organize, that rally would have been hundreds of people strong and swarming with media, whether ethnic or mainstream.
I am fully aware of the fact that these points can be taken as direct attacks on particular people, groups, or events. But let me reiterate that there is a lot of passion and care being put into the long hours of work LT has been doing. They do a lot of things well, I can agree on that.
But there is ALWAYS room for improvement, and in this area, I think there is a ton of room.
I recognize that the formation of a new youth group as a goal can seem unrealistic or lofty, because of logistics pertaining to the sources of these youth - where they would come from, whether they would have to time, concerns about frequent turnovers, etc - and that's why I'm going to keep inquiring and talking to folks about possibilities.
It would be ideal to turn an existing JA community youth group into that grassroots organizing, consciousness-raising space, but to be honest, I don't think the already-existing JA community nonprofits are ready for rhetoric about white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity and capitalism. The situation of starting it somewhere, and then having funding pulled by a foundation because of the "radical" nature of this material is incredibly possible.
Now, a couple of JAs I know who have had those trainings in some shape or form, myself included, are oftentimes too frustrated to go back to the community because of that lack of understanding. And I can see just from my first steps to finding out how to start such a youth group that even thinking about or talking out such an idea is already incredibly difficult.
But! I will keep trying, and keep thinking. I'm at the law office and this computer is freaking out, so I'm going to stop here.
I hope that readers can see where I'm coming from and be willing to talk. This is really something I feel strongly about, and it's been a long time since that has happened. (NAPAWF is the only other thing that makes me all riled up and motivated!)
Too bad I'm in Hawaii, but maybe this year needs to happen without me back in LA.
Until later!
The white man's system has been imposed upon non-white peoples all over the world. This is exactly the reason why wherever people who are anything but white live in this world today, the white man's governments are finding themselves in deeper and deeper trouble and peril.
Let's just face the truth. Facts! Whether or not the white man of the world is able to face truth, and facts, about the true reasons for his troubles - that's what essentially will determine whether or not he will survive.
Today we are seeing this revolution of the non-white peoples, who just a few years ago would have frozen in horror if the mighty white nations so much as lifted an eyebrow. What it is, simply, is that black and brown and red and yellow peoples have, after hundreds of years of exploitation and imposed "inferiority" and general misuse, become, finally, do-or-die sick and tired of the white man's heel on their necks.
Booyah. I could go on forever about how prophetic his words are, 40-some odd years later. And it's all about all people of color, not just African Americans. I think there's still a growing revolution, although in a lot of ways nobody can doubt that the API revolution is and has been long in the making. It's got a long way to go.
But - and bear with me as I switch gears a tad - I think the Japanese American community (in Los Angeles, specifically) has a much longer way to go in the way of Revolution.
Without trivializing the amazing efforts and passions that go into the work, both in Little Tokyo and the larger group, I see a major, key component lacking. I haven't yet figured out if this is the key also to solving some of the prevalent LT issues, but I definitely think it would make a huge difference in the dynamics, effectiveness, efficiency, and power of the JA community.
Everyone can agree on the importance of youth work. Without the passing down of education about community, about history, about the importance of engagement to future generations, nothing will get done. I think community needs, community histories, and the need for involvement have been passed down very effectively. More and more youth, in part thanks to the creation and revival of youth programs through JA nonprofits and other organizations, are getting some sort of awareness lesson in all of these things.
But I think what's also being passed down, is empty rhetoric. Empty rhetoric floats around various organizations - about progressive tactics, politics, actions. Terms like "grassroots," and tactics like "rallies," "protests," that pertain to direct action organizing are being emulated. Notice I say "emulated," and not "accomplished."
With the disclaimer of understanding that I am not in the work, I also say that just because I don't work directly in the community does not mean I do not understand it. I have had relevant conversations with parties in those key spaces, and from those experiences, from those discussions, I inevitably have formed my own analysis of the situation. What I see is, comparable to the Chinatown community, a situation of terribly entrenched politics that have trapped the community council in its own inactions and inabilities to act. Communication may be great on some levels, but it handicaps action.
Including targets and opponents on important, strategic discussions about how to solve and tackle a problem is no strategy at all. These are basics of grassroots organizing, of picking an issue and winning on it.
The situation is, as all such situations are, incredibly and overwhelmingly complicated because of intergenerational politics, varying perspectives and needs, and, of course, the rainbow of political diversity just within the Little Tokyo area. And without solidarity, without unity, OF COURSE nothing's going to get done.
Complexities are no excuse for complacency.
So after a whole summer and more, of thinking, struggling, questioning, criticizing - I've been able to tie some loose ends together. If we can't solve every problem at once, then we need to focus on a few important ones to start. I can break down my key ideas into a few points:
- Those in the community from our generation - the ones educating youth - lack basic grassroots organizing skills.
- Because that generation lacks those skills, it isn't being passed down anywhere, and further political entrenchments give way to more ineffective strategies.
- Either existing youth groups and their coordinators need to engage in getting those grassroots organizing trainings, or there need to be new youth groups that will provide youth with those skills.
First bullet point.
From what I've seen, particularly with those that I went to college with, the younger folk who are now very much invested and involved in the LT work have been in JA-centric work their whole life. And I use the JA-centric term in no negative way - only matter-of-factly. Campus organizational activities were centered around working within the JA community - absorbing their politics, their perspectives, their operations. But the education on grassroots organizing comes from other communities of color - from African Americans, from the Chicano/Latino communities, from Pacific Islanders, and other communities that are directly underserved. Without having REALLY, truly been involved in spaces with those communities - whether they were racially based, or labor-oriented, youth organizing-oriented, and so on - without having had those trainings, there's no clear and explicit understanding of the kinds of tactics and politics that follow that perspective.
I know there are folks who have heard the terms, and heard of the tactics just from sheer exposure to the issues, but that's never enough. Just because you can define it doesn't mean you can DO it.
Second bullet.
And of course, without that understanding, there's nothing to pass down.
What is being passed down is the same stuff that is special to the JA community. It's the same kinds of things the community has been doing for years. Only now, it doesn't work as well as it used to.
Third bullet.
Pretty self-explanatory, right?
The only way for the JA community to revolutionize its definition of what "Progressivism" is, and to truly understand grassroots organizing as other communities of color understand it, is to educate themselves, and then be able to pass it onto the youth.
Here's my example - if post-grad JAs truly knew how to grassroots organize, if the Los Angeles JA community KNEW HOW TO GRASSROOTS ORGANIZE, the Korean American, Chicano/Latino, and other families DIRECTLY impacted by gentrification would have been involved in this entire process from the beginning in some shape or form. I understand the issue of privilege in the ability to organize, but they currently have little to no representation in these Little Tokyo spaces. Or if they do, they're not being seen or heard. There are only advocates. There are no organizers in Little Tokyo.
And second example - if the LA JA community knew how to grassroots organize, that rally would have been hundreds of people strong and swarming with media, whether ethnic or mainstream.
I am fully aware of the fact that these points can be taken as direct attacks on particular people, groups, or events. But let me reiterate that there is a lot of passion and care being put into the long hours of work LT has been doing. They do a lot of things well, I can agree on that.
But there is ALWAYS room for improvement, and in this area, I think there is a ton of room.
I recognize that the formation of a new youth group as a goal can seem unrealistic or lofty, because of logistics pertaining to the sources of these youth - where they would come from, whether they would have to time, concerns about frequent turnovers, etc - and that's why I'm going to keep inquiring and talking to folks about possibilities.
It would be ideal to turn an existing JA community youth group into that grassroots organizing, consciousness-raising space, but to be honest, I don't think the already-existing JA community nonprofits are ready for rhetoric about white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity and capitalism. The situation of starting it somewhere, and then having funding pulled by a foundation because of the "radical" nature of this material is incredibly possible.
Now, a couple of JAs I know who have had those trainings in some shape or form, myself included, are oftentimes too frustrated to go back to the community because of that lack of understanding. And I can see just from my first steps to finding out how to start such a youth group that even thinking about or talking out such an idea is already incredibly difficult.
But! I will keep trying, and keep thinking. I'm at the law office and this computer is freaking out, so I'm going to stop here.
I hope that readers can see where I'm coming from and be willing to talk. This is really something I feel strongly about, and it's been a long time since that has happened. (NAPAWF is the only other thing that makes me all riled up and motivated!)
Too bad I'm in Hawaii, but maybe this year needs to happen without me back in LA.
Until later!
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