THE SYSTEM? WORKING!? no way....

This happened about a week before I flew back home to LA, but it was probably the best moment in my whole year of working for Hawaii Human Development Corporation. Yes...it's a nonprofit, and it has the word "corporation" in its name.

But that's besides the point.

So HHDC is the nonprofit that employs me to work with the kids out at the Hawaii Youth Correctional Facility, or HYCF. Up to that day a week ago it was an interesting job to say the least, and it gave me some insights on the issues that lower income Hawaii youth face. The rampant drug problems on multiple islands, namely Big Island and Maui, particularly in the way of weed and more seriously, ice (aka meth); the robberies, burglaries, car hijackings, battery, and sometimes the occasional sexual assault or murder. This job gave me the last push I needed to really decide that I want to go to law school. Yes, to tackle community issues, but most of all to help kids like this who were thought to "never stand a chance" in regular society. Because when they make those same mistakes after they turn 18, it's longer, harder, and more dangerous time in the adult prisons. Once they end up there, it's considered the end.

Only to be truthful, the job that I do -- teaching the kids job readiness when they're getting ready to reemerge into the real world -- is not that serious, and awfully short-sighted. Ideally, we would stay in close contact with the kids we work with to make sure that they're able to acquire and maintain a job that will help them start a living, and stay out of trouble. But really what happens is that we rush through the curriculum, make sure they know the basics, and eject them from HHDC altogether. Well, not really "eject." But really, we lose touch. And so I decided this whole prison system thing, it doesn't really work. It's just BS.

Anyway. I work mostly with boys of high school age. I have also worked with the girls, mostly because my supervisor, a male, doesn't feel comfortable working closely with some of the female residents so I take care of all of them. I hear stories here and there about these kids' lives, how they ended up there, how things are, etc. etc. But I didnt realize til a week ago how little we really knew some of them.

To get to the point, I happened to have to drive out to the prison on my own one day, without my supervisor because he was occupied with other work. So I met with a new client, a 17 year old boy who is expecting to be released in February. I don't know why or how, but we got along wonderfully.

And because we did, somehow he felt it was safe to talk to me about what he had been through in not just prison, but his life before being in the facility. He was a repeat offender - many of the kids are - meaning that he's been in and out of the facility for the past 3-5 years or so. Yes, he started early.

Now, we always try to create a safe space for the kids, to make them see that we are really on their side, but for some reason or another I've never had this kind of a connection or conversation with any other boy or girl.

This boy had come across a lot of different epiphanies and revelations about his life, and how he was determined, but nervous, to be out and on his own. It's the anticipation of gaining freedom, but with it comes the realization that he could make another mistake, and it'd be over. Off to adult prison and never heard from again.

He was motivated, having survived the experience of youth prison, to stay goal oriented and not "do anything stupid." (His words, not mine) He was regretful of his actions but at the same time, so incredibly grateful for having been given a second chance. The youth facility was his second chance.

But the biggest question I had for him was: did the system work? Do you think the youth prison system works to help kids change their lives around? Because so many others had failed and are either making those same mistakes now, or are already doing time for it as adults.

What he told me might sound cliched to some, but coming from someone his age, it was profound.

Every kid has the choice to turn his life around, and time in the youth facility gives him that chance. It's like a hotel resort compared to adult prison. It's all about whether he takes responsibility for his actions, and if he does, that's it, it's easy to make decisions from there to start over and stop that kind of life. Everybody has that chance.

He had tried talking some sense into his peers, but to no avail. I told him it's because they haven't come as far as he had, thinking about his actions and his experiences and finding a way to turn it around into something positive for himself.

Anyhow. It's difficult to relay here in words but I was blown away.

There's no way for me to understand any of what he went through, but it just made me want to be a part of the whole thing - this kind of work. But of course, on another, more involved, level. I shared with him my ambitions toward lawyer-dom, and he said, I hope that you continue to help kids like me.

After that talk, that was it, that was enough! Planet Law, here I come.

As for the system, I still don't think it "works," but folks like him make the rest of us think there's a chance to change things for the better.

Late night rantings

It's almost 2 am and I should be sleeping because I have to get up for some early last-minute holiday shopping but...it's been a while and I think this has been in the works (in my head) for a while.

Lots of talk about Avatar and how great the movie is, mostly for its graphics and so on and so forth. But then with every so-called "great" movie comes the blogger articles about how really "racially" or "socially" groundbreaking certain plots or stories are in the media and Hollywood today. And of course, fancying myself a Progressive activist (although I'm in a sort of hibernation at the moment), I am subscribed to many of these blogs and read many of these articles or are linked by other friends.

Lately I've felt like reading those articles can be a great thing, sure -- it provides a radical perspective on the type of movie white people and the ignorants or otherwise unassuming public would take at face value and love -- but where do we draw the line when it starts to shade everything in such a negative light?

I've heard recently and all throughout the past few years, complaints about folks who enter the Progressive sphere, whether through undergrad, grad, the nonprofit sector, or whatever other outlets there are, and end up jaded and, let's face it, no longer fun to hang out with. I've experienced this once or twice with folks I don't care to name, and with the new assault of articles about why society STILL sucks, I kind of wonder when being a "progressive" just means you hate life. And white people.

Other movies that fall into this Avatar category, just to name a few, are District 9, the Blind Side, the Last Samurai, and essentially any other movie where a leading protagonist (white, of course) is involved somehow in protecting people of color and ending up the hero. The white guilt movies. Okay, I get it. And I totally agree that movies these days are really not all that great in challenging racial stereotypes or making any sort of huge statement about how much colonization sucks. Like, stop starring the white people already, we don't need them to save us. Even Disney's The Princess and the Frog is called totally wrong for it's altogether stereotypical portrayal of the black community. But frankly, all that is tiresome. Calling out every single movie or what have you on it's non-progressiveness just gets to be too much already. As if Progressivism is now all about shooting down every single thing that becomes popular and calling it out because from a social justice standpoint it totally blows. (Except, to be real, I really loved the Last Samurai. I didn't think it was all about Tom Cruise's character at all. So I disagree with criticisms regarding that movie, probably because I can appreciate the Japanese history that served as the inspiration for that story.)

And yet, of course I don't believe in "taking things are they are" either. It pisses me off when people say "it was just a movie, have fun with it," or "it's no big deal, calm down." It all still is what it is - a movie that status quo critics would call "amazing" and "poignant" because it's about race relation or gender or sexuality issues that we've all known about for years already. So can't there be some balance between the two?

How do we think about these things constructively? In a way where it feels like something can be done about it, or there's some effective way to make a change?

And yep, I completely and absolutely understand that the dialoguing and the discourse can be the first step. Putting it out there for folks the reasons why this or that thing is not correct or as politically earth shattering as some might think is a great thing to do. I'm just talking about when your interactions with these outlets - whether via internet, publications, or interpersonal relations - meld into one giant ball of pessimism about the world. And of course there are groups and great people taking steps to do the kind of work that may one day change the face of Hollywood when it comes to this type of thing. Or maybe not.

But the point is, how do we keep thinking about things and carrying out actions in a way that will help us fix the problem? Find a solution?

I of course don't have an answer to that yet, but I'm determined not to fall into this trap of becoming "jaded." Because thinking about it now, when folks call themselves "jaded," it's almost this lame excuse to then proceed to complain about every aspect of society that sucks. Complain, and then do jack shit about it. Ya dig?

Anyway. Glad my peers and the folks I hang out with aren't like this (so don't think it's about you because it isn't) but I think it's something to think about and consider. I think I went through a quick little "oh I'm so jaded and I hate being Progressive" whine session, a few posts ago, but snap back to reality and that's just what it is. A trap and an excuse.

A real thoughtful post was way overdue anyway, but I think I just had to let the right emotion build up before churning out anything useful. Ahh. Sleeptime foreal. So on a happier note:

Happy Holidays to the world!

From our President

I'm on the mailing list...and here's the nice email that was sent out for Thanksgiving.

Friend --

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day, Americans across the country will sit down together, count our blessings, and give thanks for our families and our loved ones.

American families reflect the diversity of this great nation. No two are exactly alike, but there is a common thread they each share.

Our families are bound together through times of joy and times of grief. They shape us, support us, instill the values that guide us as individuals, and make possible all that we achieve.

So tomorrow, I'll be giving thanks for my family -- for all the wisdom, support, and love they have brought into my life.

But tomorrow is also a day to remember those who cannot sit down to break bread with those they love.

The soldier overseas holding down a lonely post and missing his kids. The sailor who left her home to serve a higher calling. The folks who must spend tomorrow apart from their families to work a second job, so they can keep food on the table or send a child to school.

We are grateful beyond words for the service and hard work of so many Americans who make our country great through their sacrifice. And this year, we know that far too many face a daily struggle that puts the comfort and security we all deserve painfully out of reach.

So when we gather tomorrow, let us also use the occasion to renew our commitment to building a more peaceful and prosperous future that every American family can enjoy.

It seems like a lifetime ago that a crowd met on a frigid February morning in Springfield, Illinois to set out on an improbable course to change our nation.

In the years since, Michelle and I have been blessed with the support and friendship of the millions of Americans who have come together to form this ongoing movement for change.

You have been there through victories and setbacks. You have given of yourselves beyond measure. You have enabled all that we have accomplished -- and you have had the courage to dream yet bigger dreams for what we can still achieve.

So in this season of thanks giving, I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to you, and my anticipation of the brighter future we are creating together.

With warmest wishes for a happy holiday season from my family to yours,

President Barack Obama


Kind of nice, don't you think?

Home Sweet Home

Happy Thanksgiving!

Made it to LA on Saturday, and it's been great so far. Just nice to be home and relaxing and comfortable after such a crazy month on the island.

Always thinking about how it's going to be to move back home, of course, but I just know I'll be totally ready for it come March. Without a doubt Hawai'i will be missed, but I'll be ready for that next chapter of that thing we call life.

Just planning on spending quality time with Mom, Dad, sis and the cat, and I'm excited. Also going to get to see Aya and hopefully at least a few buddies! That'll be nice too. One whole week! Yay for LA.

Life is so good that I get scared. Like, I remember Charlotte saying on one episode of Sex and the City...something to the effect of, "I'm afraid of being so happy because it just feels like nobody's ever this happy for long...and soon it'll all be taken away." When things are so good, who's to say it can go nowhere else but down? I know, it's awful negative. I just really love things right now, and I want it to so bad to be this way forever.

And then I hear stories of people, those people that your friends know: like the friends of friends. The ones that aren't happy because "life didn't turn out" the way they had planned, or wanted, or thought it would. My life always has been, in the big picture, near perfect up to this point. It's been everything I've wanted because somehow or other, I or someone or something made it happen. I've been privileged enough to have things that way so far.

Just trying to stop being so afraid...and going to just enjoy it all. While I can, you know?

Looking forward to a great, gluttonous Thanksgiving with family this weekend. No hosting! We get it all to ourselves this year.

Hope you all have an awesome weekend too.

Getting ready

So many things going on in the world, I feel like I can barely keep up with current events, when I can barely keep up with my own personal commitments as it is.

In that sense, thank goodness for the technology takeover making news and resources more readily accessible. Lots of talk about the new healthcare reform bill that passed the House, and I've been reading a bit about it via NAPAWF, friends' blogs, and Race Wire.

Leave it to Dennis Kucinich though, to tell it like it is!! There may be lots to celebrate with this one gain, but clearly it's not the be-all-end-all. Glad that there will be people to say this bill is not perfect -- there's a ton of work still to be done. Kucinich voted "No" - as long as healthcare stays private, it's not really going to be for the people.

Still, def happy about this first victory with this bill. I think it could do a lot of great things for our people - especially young people!

Lots of talk lately, locally, about the state of Hawaii's economy, and all of this furlough business going on. Didn't think it would, but it's definitely affecting state workers now, social workers out at the correctional facility included. It's really rough, and what can be done? I think to a lot of folks furloughs are doing more harm than good...but this state's economy and the mayor are most definitely between a rock and a hard place, to say the least. Even a hotel or two has had to close it's doors to tourists. I guess we all can only wait and see what happens next...and meanwhile make the most of the rough situation. The prison has kind of been in a mess, on the admin level too. It hasn't really affected us directly yet, but it's unsettling to hear that folks out there are having such a hard time.

Sometimes I can't believe we live in these times. Like things are so bad it gets surreal.

On a more personal note, just barely got through the weekend. In between a bad cold, and easily 10-12 hour days nearly everyday with taiko, I thought I was going to die, really. Taiko as a 7 day commitment just doesn't fly with me. I'm hoping it'll really settle after this Saturday, when we have the "percussive dance" project, aka bharatanatyam but not really because we're not very good.

Symmetrical SS went well on Friday, but there was def some internal group drama. Made me just one step closer to being ready to go home. Maybe I'm searching, but maybe I'm really that ready. Little by little I realize I can't stay here forever. Anyway, just feeling accomplished having gotten through the crazy week, and trying to stay alive for 7 more days.

To stay sane, I've just had to rely on hogging whatever sleep hours I could manage and immerse myself in good music.

Raiatea and 2PM will do it for me.

SEXY!!

From the Brain

I've been holding onto this a while, but I found this a few weeks ago in a NY Times article called "Held by the Taliban" by David Rohde. It was all about his experiences as a hostage in Afghanistan, and this excerpt particularly stood out to me:

One evening, Abu Tayyeb declared that the Taliban treated women better than Americans did. He said women in the U.S. were forced to wear revealing clothes and define themselves solely as sex objects. The Taliban protected women's honor by not allowing them to appear in public with their faces unveiled.

My captors saw me - and seemingly all Westerners - as morally corrupt and fixated on pursuing the pleasures of this world. Americans invaded Afghanistan to enrich themselves, they argued, not to help Afghans.

In some ways, it just totally works, this point of view. Objectified women in the West, and the self-interested country that is America. Anyway, I just had to share it.

I feel like I've been too mentally and physically tired out to really put down here everything I would really like to, because taiko is eating me alive. I keep telling myself, "Just a few more weeks!" but then it feels like I had been telling myself that since a few MONTHS ago. Hopefully it'll all come to an end soon, you know?

On the upside though, I can play Symmetrical Soundscapes now!! For those that don't know, it's a pretty challenging piece that Sensei wrote, and I'm just glad I can play the 4 person version. Performance of it is this Friday. [end brag session]

Most of all I'm looking forward to home time for Thanksgiving. Being home will be such great recuperating time.

Andy was gone for the past week, and I have never been so stressed out having to drive around the island to work with these kids. It wasn't even the work itself that stressed me out, I think it was the driving! But by the end of the week I think I had done it so much that I kinda just got used to it. Driving a Tacoma is not = driving Corolla like back home. Driving such a big car can be scary to maneuver, partic bc the bed of the truck is hard to judge...but luckily it all worked out! Thank God. (or you know, whoever)

Spent my Halloween weekend CHILLIN, no costume or festivities this year because I'm really that worn out. Did see Paranormal Activity though, and I must say, that movie is the SHIT!!!! Would definitely recommend it to anyone who's game. Absolutely in my top 5 fave Horror movies...and maybe even in my top 3!

Finally got to have a nice, long chat with my sis over the phone, I'd missed her and my family.

So another week of ridiculous taiko, 7 days this week as is now the usual (for the past 3-4 weeks), and I am trying my best to just hang in there!! I tell people to do it all the time, and I guess it would be good to try and take my own advice.

Hisashiburi!

Holy geez, it's been forever since I posted last.

I had a lot of great ideas but things have kind of exploded here and I've been so suddenly busy that time has just flown by and I barely realized it.

I wanted to blog about growing up labeled HG, about working in the prisons, about my future in nonprofit and law, but I'm going to procrastinate on that all since I feel exhausted now and just want to post something as an update.

Lots has happened in the past almost-month. Taiko is super duper busy now, we're prepping for a couple of big things in November, and on the 14th we're doing this slew of new taiko projects, including a collaboration with Bharata Natyam. It's my favorite kind of classical Indian dance - except we actually have to DANCE it. Somehow I, unlike other taiko members, got sucked into doing it with 2-3 other girls, except I SUCK real bad and can't even follow during class. It's really discouraging but they won't let me quit! I'm really good at playing the drum part, but they're seriously making me dance and it's super frustrating. This rarely happens, but this is one of those things that I REALLY don't want to do...only I'm stuck and it sucks balls foreal.

I'd like to give a big Fuck You to this situation - to not being able to do it and just being tired. (I still love Bharata though)

Also my back is all messed up so I was kind of in a foul mood, not wanting to be at the practice tonight.

Felt like such a waste of time.

Aside from being a Debbie Downer about that one....

work has been good, Kelsey's time here was amazing and such a blast as always, I've been getting better at fue, taiko gigs have been going well, and I've been seeing someone new.

Life is good, really, I can't complain.

Melissa came to visit me, and it was great, it was so nice to see her after a whole year, and she got me thinking all about Law School, and rejuvenated my Progressivism. (sorry about the cin gum, melissa, I still feel bad about that)

All that's left to do is await the impending dilemma - Progressive politics, or financial security?

I think I'll be good, all the way up until it's time to graduate and really find a job. Public Interest would satisfy my integrity, my need to fulfill my personal political and social responsibilities, to work in social justice and be happy that way. But the pay is absolutely unreal, and after living out here on my own, I know firsthand the difficulties that come with long hours and low pay. It's really frustrating sometimes, especially when you can't afford the things you NEED in life, much less the little luxuries that help relieve everyday stress. It might seem superficial, but real talk, it's not. This a serious life consideration for me.

A private law firm would address that money problem, paying nearly twice as much in salary, but I would have to sellout in some way and to some degree at least...and honestly right now I don't know which would make me happier (or sadder). It's like this lose-lose situation I'll have to face sometime soon.

I'm excited to start the process, but like I told Mom, I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I get there. Maybe more in a later post, too.

Feeling like I'm becoming more attached to the island - picking up the speak, loving the people, appreciating the land - but I still have this unbreakable connection to home and dedication to my career plans, so little by little I guess I'm accepting that my time here will have to come to an end. i.e. I'll be ready in March to be back in LA.

We'll see where everything is in 5 and a half months or so.

2NE1

A more "real" post later, but when I grow up I wanna be them.  The swagg is irresistible. 

Fierce.

SERIOUSLY,

what. the. fuck.

This incident at the Cracker Barrel is infuriating and so ridiculous.  

I can't believe we still live in a world like this.  With people like this.  If you can even call them people.  

At least Colbert gets it.  (I really wanted to embed it, but it wouldn't work for some reason.) 

Credit to Race Wire.  

Geez Louise, this America we live in....people like Beck and Limbaugh need to just kick the bucket already.  Lily Allen has the right idea.

Oh where, oh where....

Seriously, where has the past month and a half gone??  Almost 2 months now.

It seems like just yesterday I came back from that trip with Aya, and as it is, August just came and went.  Now September too!

It just dawned on me today, as I got out of the shower, that September is almost over, and it's totally tripping me out.  Like where have I been the past 60 days!?

Almost...like my very own Rip Van Winkle experience, but way way less time.  

Mini concert at Brigham Young University this Friday, so lots (kinda) of preparations for that this week.  It's all Mormon-ed out there, so that might be interesting, performing in Kahuku and repping the fully clothed, no sugar consuming, no alcohol or drug participating, super straightedge community.  These people, as Andy says, "walk the talk."  

Lately I've had these fleeting daydreams about, instead of becoming a lawyer, moving to Japan and becoming one of a growing number of female traditional Japanese musicians.  Like doing nagauta and playing hogaku, noh, or kabuki music.  Yeah, totally unrealistic for LA loving, non-fluent, HI chillin me, but after Hogaku and fue practice today, I was totally just like wow.  I could see myself dedicating my life to playing music like this.  In a way, so much deeper than kumi daiko.

  

It's nice to trick myself into thinking I can do that every so often.  

Maybe there's a way to be a traditional Japanese music playing, practicing attorney.  

That's a good one, right?

I think I'm just real sad this all has to come to an end and I don't see how it'll continue in LA.  But home is home, and there you have it.

One chapter done at that point, the next chapter to begin.

As a subject change, can't wait to see Michael Moore's Love Story.  Just saw him on Colbert and it looks like it's something to anticipate!

Also, going tomorrow to see the Hawai'i showing of "A Song for Ourselves," the Chris Iijima film.  The Endos knew him personally!  They're seriously like local community celebs when it comes to knowing all the big activists of the 60s to the 80s.  Protests, rallies, pilgrimages, newspaper articles and all.  Amazing.  Anyway, that should be exciting.

Speaking of exciting, Kelsey coming in October!  Yay!  Makes me think about how much I'm anticipating my next big trip.  It's like SEA was just the beginning. (right Aya?? haha)

 

Life's Trampolines

Good things (and good people) come at unexpected times.

Traveling to Hilo tomorrow for a performance that I hope goes well, since it's a precursor to next week's mini-concert performance.  If I suck tomorrow, chances are I'll suck next week too.  So with enough work, I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping.

Next week will be busy, so I'll find out then if it'll be a blessing or a curse.  Work starts again, I plan on going to kendo practice a little more consistently, plus taiko as usual and then some.  

This month is going by so fast.  Once September is over, it'll be one month down and five more to go!  Aahhh!

Late night and MJ

A couple of nights later, and my previous long post seems a little harsh.  I'm aware it could've been construed as offensive to people who do work for those causes everyday of their lives for many many years, and I hope it wasn't taken as something negative that way.  I was just venting about the badgering thoughts that have been my only friend as of late, these restless several days.  But it's true, isn't it?  It's tiring.  And I think Hawai'i life has been wearing on me.  Well, I mean, just politically.

Yet another reason to yearn for LA.

I totally miss my family and friends, and as great as people are here, it's not the same.  The truth is, I've been feeling kind of alone lately.  Strange.

Had Hogaku tonight, and that was almost great, except it had to be cut short, unfortunately.  Unforeseen circumstances.

Watching Oprah now, and it's an episode where she recalls, with commentary, her very first interview (THE very first interview) with MJ back in something like 1993.  His innocence and gentleness are remarkable.  The alarm just went off in the middle of their interview.

Anyhow, he was dating Brooke Shields at the time.  So interesting.

There really was a mystery about him - the way he talks about his life, his childhood, his music, his love life, everything.  He's just very likeable, in this interview.  Though, he seems lonely.  And sad, too.  

On another note, there are some incredibly strange things happening on this computer.  It's doing weird things, like my cursor disappears, or like the other day, it started freaking out and when I shut it to make it stop, it wouldn't turn it back on.  I had to pull out the battery and restart it.

My cursor isn't showing as I type this up now.  Frustrating.

One restarted computer later, I'm back now.

Taiko will be interesting at the very least, the next few weeks - prepping for a mini concert next Friday, going to Hilo this Saturday to perform, going to Maui in a few weeks - at least there's stuff to look forward to from a performance standpoint.  Also I'm going to try and get as much fue training as I can the next 6 months, while I can.

Lots of thoughts lately about my impending future.  And after an exciting email exchange with Megatron, it's left me with a lot of thoughts about my politics, law school, and where I'll end up in say, 5 to 8 years.  Really.

Had a great few days, so hope it only gets better.  Work starts next week too, maybe the kids will brighten up my mood.

Back to Oprah and MJ.

EDIT - He just danced for Oprah and I think I had a huge orgasm.

 

Homesick.

Yeah, like one year too late.  

Hoping it'll pass.

Idle

Yes, back in Honolulu now, and all is well, but somehow, things feel different.

Maybe it was just the month away - a month of hometime, a month of intensely awesome traveling with Aya to Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam, and even Korea briefly - but I feel unsettled, a tad.  Like being back here isn't where I'm supposed to be right now.

It is only 6 months, and I know that from a taiko standpoint it's what I need, but I think staying out here too long is leaving me feeling unfulfilled.

Granted, I haven't had work for the past week and don't even know yet when work will start, so I've been sitting on my ass trying to 1) relax, 2) not get fat, and 3) feel useful.  Yeah, I do need to enjoy the chill time while I can because law school will destroy me, but even that is way far off.  I think I'm just becoming restless with all this free time.  That, and laziness is a bitch.

I mean, it's my one handicap I think, from being incredibly productive right now.  So I guess in that sense, the fact that I feel this way is just my fault, you know?

Anyway, I'm just complaining and whining I know, so I've just got to try to stay focused and get done as much as possible while I'm here.  That writeup project on JA community women included.  I've really got to get CRACKING on that, and it's so hard to stay motivated.  So hard to stay on my shit, foreal.

Instead I've been occupying my time with tv, korean pop music, and just way too much useless fluff.  My brain is going to become mush.  My body too.  Well, maybe, though thank god for taiko or I'd be like, dead right now.

This post is such a rambly one.  But I won't apologize for it, because it is what it is.

I'll just get back up and do my shit. haha.  So dumb.

But really, to get more specific, I'm relating things like eating a bag of Hurricane popcorn to life.  I sat on the couch watching one of countless programs I've watched on tv the past week, and thought to myself:

A bag of hurricane popcorn.  I avoided all that kaki mochi because I didn't think it would taste good.  Then fast forward to the bottom of the bag, and I accidently threw some kaki mochi in my mouth with all that popcorn.  Lo and behold, it tasted amazing.  But by the time I realized it, there wasn't enough popcorn to go with the kaki mochi.  So goes life.

I was so proud of myself because it was the most profound thing I'd done all day.  Ridiculous.

That and I think of things like how my progressive politics are becoming more and more difficult to reconcile with not just Hawaii life, but all the stuff I see everywhere in life, from tv, to everyday conversations.  Healthcare, misogynistic comments on facebook and mtv and everyday life, racial slurs slapped on every local joke, unrealistic media portrayals of "beautiful" women, and I dunno.  It drives me crazy sometimes.  Like does everything I believe in become totally useless??  

Everyone knows what the problem is.  But who can actually change it?  Sure, the work is incremental, but even then, where does that take us?  We know what we need and what we want - at least I do - but in the end, we still don't see the kind of change that really needs to happen.  Instead there are compromises and negotiations, or maybe no action at all. 

Sigh.

All this time off obviously isn't very healthy for my optimism about social issues.  At my core, I know, the work is important, some effort is better than none at all, blah blah etc etc.  I'm just saying.  It's fucking tiring being Progressive.

I think I just need some what are they - endorphins?  And go exercise and have a banana, the happy fruit.  :)

Finally home

Well at least, for a little while.

The trip to Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam with Aya was amazing.  Things I brought home from my trip other than the obvious:

- a new obsession with 2PM, the new KPop group

- terrible jetlag

- a brand new playlist from all the nights of Southeast Asian MTV versions

- a new appreciation for LA and home

- the newest issue of Rolling Stone about the Beatles' breakup, as well as an enlightening article on the Democrats' and Obama's work (or lack thereof) on healthcare reform

I think more importantly is what I didn't bring home: bedbugs.  At least so far so good.

It's late and I should be sleeping, so more updates soon to come on the trip and all.  I'm really glad we did it, and frankly impressed that we were so productive, especially having been on our own for most of it.

My last few days in LA before it's back to Honolulu to live out my last 6 months there.  It'll be a crucial time!

Back home in the LA

Being in LA has been so great - catching up with old friends and being home with family - it makes me realize how much I miss everyone, and how nice it'll be to be back here again, living at home.

I am looking forward to moving back here, that's for sure - but I'm also glad I have 6 more months in Honolulu, since life there is always so good to me (the people too, undoubtedly).  The next half a year is really going to go by fast though I'm sure, so it'll just be about enjoying myself.

Taiko conference will be ridiculous, but hopefully good things come out of this volunteering too, haha.  We'll see.

Don't have much else, except that I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, seeing everyone I've missed so much! 

Here I come

Getting ready to leave soon for LA!

So excited.  Hope the flight isn't too bad with this damn cold!  yayyy

I think I'm still on LA time

Oh man. (woman? Is that phrase sexist?)  What a week.

Just got back from a great, but short, week in LA for sister birthday celebrations, and came home to Honolulu.  Missed the humid, cleaner air, and my taiko ohana.  It's nice to be back, and kind of brought about musings about how well I'm going to adjust back to LA life.  But I suppose that can be for another time.

Have been trying to be a good friend to someone in need all week, and although I'm happy to do it, it is exhausting.

One, yes, because it can become hard to be there for someone 24 hours of the day, but mostly because - two, the hurt and emotional pain she's dealing with is a result of a relationship situation that is all too familiar.  

I think it became hard for me when I realized every story she tells, every description of the feelings she experiences, is unpleasantly similar to everything I went through at some point in my college life.  What a mess.  I know what she is going through, I know what she has to go through to get to "being okay," and - I dunno.  Too many old feelings.  Even worse, the feeling of - "I know this is hurting me and I am so unhappy all the time but I can't take myself away from it."  It's so sad to watch a close friend have to endure something like that, and know that the only thing that will make it better is time.  I even gave her my Zen tarot cards to help her with the ordeal (it works when you really need it most).

The good news is, I considered churning out some profound artsy emo piece but I don't think I'm going through those feelings anymore...so it wouldn't even work.  

Thank goodness for being past that.  Finally.

Too personal?  Sorry.  It just felt like blog material at the time.

Less than 2 weeks before I'm back in LA again and August adventures begin.  Lots of things to do, and plenty more wonderful people to seeeeeee - can't wait!

What the real world shows you

As I work on this long overdue project about Japanese American women and the gender dynamics they encounter in their work, I am reminded about and confronted with some of the issues discussed in my interviews - namely, a college student's politics and its evolution post-graduation.

For college activists, the experience is fierce.  It's enlivening, empowering, exciting to talk about and condemn certain groups on issues, and to fight on the right (as in, correct, NOT right-wing) side of things.  It makes us feel alive to be angry at something when the world suddenly makes sense - to be angry at the government, the (white) people in power, the privileged, the ignorant, or those that are all of the above.

But one year later, I have to ask myself - where did all that go?

In some sense, nowhere.  I still carry a strong belief in a lot of my progressive politics, but I think I have a better grasp on reality now.  Current college activists might call it "becoming moderate," or selling out in some way.  If my college self knew my current self, I'd do the same. I'd call myself names and feel a little pissed off, frankly.

I felt this way about some older folks, or folks in the JA community, or just people I'd meet on an everyday basis.  It was always something caustically critical, about how these people could think a certain way or not take action on a certain thing.

Don't get me wrong - I also still have some of those criticisms saved up for choice folks in my world - but in general, I really needed to just cut those groups some slack.

That entry I wrote months ago about the JA community, for example.  That's a prime instance of college politics.  Not being afraid to speak out about something, in a way that might offend others and done in a tone that's incredibly self-righteous.

A lot of what I said I don't necessarily take back, but I think what I am going to change or modify is that statement about determination to work in that community.  Because the reality of it is, I don't think that's where my passion or my niche really lies.  There are already so many people doing amazing and effective work that will last a long time for both the Japanese American and Little Tokyo communities.  If I entered that work based on the feelings I was experiencing then, it would only be to prove something to myself and to others.  And that should never be the reason for doing that kind of work.  For any kind of work, really, but for community-oriented ones especially.

My time away has done wonders, and going through experiences like teaching at a local public high school in Honolulu or teaching prison youth really put me in my place.  A college student knows a lot of things theoretically, but throw her into the fire, and it's a whole different story.  Suddenly the rhetoric becomes life, and life is really hard to deal with; not that easy to fix.  It's the reality of why folks who are IN the work, foreal, for life, become so jaded with the way our system, our world, and our society work.  

Megumi said that's why we need the youth, for their energy and inspiration.  Because it's a tough and ugly world out there, and sometimes seeing them so excited and eager to affect positive change in our communities is a refreshing thing for us.  

It's so very true.  

I'm not a jaded individual, not just yet.  I still have some of that college activist swagg, but now with a taste of what real work can bring.  I am still dedicating myself to community work, no doubt, and I am absolutely excited for what the future brings.

One day older, and perhaps just that much wiser.  

Bring it on.

How can you not love it

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I apologize, that my blog has become a reposting site for the Lolseries.  I just can't help myself, and it makes me feel good to update everyday, even if it's not a real thoughtful or particularly meaningful post.

Coming soon: a more original post on post-undergrad progressive politics.  

:)

O hai

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Also, for your MJ enjoyment:

Jane Lui is the shit.

And so is Alfonzo Ribeiro, aka Carlton.

Peace.

Just one question.

WHY!?

Free Iran

Green is the color of the moment, of the need for freedom for the Iranian people.

Read here for more information (on facebook):

The 101 on the Iranian situation.

I definitely am trying my best to stay informed about the situation.  It's not easy, that's for sure.

And of course now, the Republicans are criticizing Obama for not taking a strong enough stance on the issue.  Oh great, so now you care about worldwide human and civil rights issues?  The same people who are for torture of "terrorists?"  Get out of here.

The people of the US need to voice opposition more than the government does.  But like Reza Aslan said on the Daily Show, "thank GOD for Barack Obama."

A good laugh

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It's a little gross, that this cat is like, this huge.

Anyway haha, having a good 'ol time being a little lame, since my ankle is going to take a while to heal.  Going to try and find the good things that can come out of it.

Had a great weekend though, I am so glad.

FML

I've been worked constantly for the past month from all sides - taiko, work, friends.  I think the nonstop-ness especially of the past few weeks has manifested itself in this week long cough with slowly developing mucus and my newly messed up ankle.

I was just trying to go for a run, and now I can't even walk around the house!

What's a girl to do!?

I'm such a teeny bopper

I haven't been able to get enough of the Wonder Girls lately - oddly enough, I randomly stumbled across them on YouTube one day, and this one and their other popular single, Nobody, just stuck with me.  Turns out, they're making an American debut sometime this year.  Yeah, they're bubblegum poppy and seemingly cookie cutter, but who cares?  Their English skills impressed me, and they're cutesies.  It's a lot of fun.

The song below isn't going to be released in English, but "Nobody" and another song will be.  For your enjoyment:

It's been an amazing past month or so - the group of friends I've made out here are just so awesome!  Clubbing for birthdays, weekend staycations to Maui, just hanging out every weekend - it's really been so much fun.  Makes me really glad to be extending my stay here another 6 months.  I will be leaving so much when I move back home.

But, so much going on - taiko has been crazy lately, and then home time in July, then again in August.  It'll be amazing.

And of course - HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYA!  I hope 23 and the year is everything you hope it will be.

Lastly but certainly not least, mad respect for T Swift after this shit.  hahaha

Just because

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This world

Had a great discussion with Alex last night as I watched the Matrix on television.  Such a brilliant movie, for so many reasons - definitely one of my top 3 movies, and my source for analogies to progressive politics.  That, and Keanu Reeves is a hottie.

Just wanted to post this, direct from Yglesias:

NR’s Sotomayor Cover

So National Review decided to run this very odd cover image of Judge Sonia Sotomayor:

It seems that what happened was that, as conservatives are wont to do, they tried to do something that would be racist, but also arguably not racist. Hence, instead of depicting a Latina with a racist stereotyped image of a Latina, they depicted her with a racist stereotyped image of an Asian. It’s hard to know exactly what to make of that. But National Review editor Rich Lowry seems to have known exactly what to make of it since as this post makes clear he was anticipating people criticizing the imagery.

At any rate, then he waited around a bit, got the accusations of racism he was waiting for, and then got to engage in every white conservative’s favorite passtime of wallowing in self-pity and calling his accusers humorless.

Unfortunately, there’s not a good shorthand term for the psychology behind this kind of behavior. “Racism” doesn’t, I think, capture it. But there’s this deranged fascination with walking up to the line and dancing around there in hopes of getting called on it. Then you get to become indignant. Because, again, the contemporary right’s main view on race is that actual racism against non-white people is only a tiny problem compared with the vast social crisis that allegedly exists around people being vigilant against racism.

Hat tip on this to Brian Beutler who adds a funny unrelated joke “Also featured on the cover in the current issue: ‘Jonah Goldberg On His Critics.’ That better be a long article.”

It's so true, about this "walking up to the line and dancing around" business and then pulling the indignant card about how it's the offended's fault for taking it too seriously and being humorless or unappreciative of the type of humor.

Instead of an F bomb I'm just giving this a huge fat throbbing middle finger.  People who dance on that line should be figuratively shot in the face.

The Daily Bruin did it with their article on "Asians" because it was supposed to be a funny satire; other college campus newspapers that have made the mistake of running "humor" racist articles or editorials claimed the same, and somehow they all think it's supposed to be funny to the rest of us.  Readers who were offended?  It's our fault for misunderstanding it.

Get out.  Just get out.

This whole thing about Sotomayor is so ridiculous.  White men - all about being color blind, except when a Latina is in a place of power like this.  Here's another read, courtesy of Race Wire: 

5 Reasons Why Only White Males are Supreme Court Material

This talking points memo must have landed in the wrong inbox…

TO: All red-blooded God-fearing Americans

RE: 5 reasons why white men are more fit for the Supreme Court than that Latina woman

• White men are objective. Women and people of color are inherently biased, making all their opinions suspect. This should automatically disqualify them from serving on the bench. White men look out for everyone and aren’t just interested in taking care of their own. Frankly, people of color are secretly “out to get” white men and would use whatever power they have to settle a score.

• White people are color-blind and can transcend race. Today’s racists and sexists are actually people of color and women who cling to their identity politics just for their own gain. Judge Sonia Sotomayor thinks that race shapes one’s experiences and perspectives and that diversity somehow makes things better. Her Puerto Rican roots must be coloring her views for she clearly has little understanding of America or its citizens. No wonder Newt Gingrich authoritatively labels her a “Latina woman racist.” White American-born straight men have secure identities and don’t need identity politics.

Indeed, whites don’t even see race because they don’t really have a race. They’re just part of the human race. They prefer to blend in without calling attention to themselves. And they know that if we’d all just ignore race, then racism would disappear. That’s why Chief Justice John Roberts, when striking down a voluntary school integration plan, nobly asserted, “The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race.” In other words, race conscious remedies to address racial inequalities are, by definition, racist. Simple logic. It makes you wonder how the authors of the Brown v. Board of Education decision could have been so blatantly discriminatory.

• White men are more qualified. They consistently score better on standardized tests. That’s why they get into elite schools and high-paying jobs, fair and square, without any affirmative action. If white men excel, it’s only because meritocracy works. Those who make the rules and play by them deserve to succeed.

• White men have the right judicial temperament. The last thing our highest court needs is angry people of color, hysterical women, or both. White men have well-honed skills for staying cool and collected. And they’re less likely to be “activist” judges. In fact, we’d be better off with a strict interpretation of our original constitution--before it got all mucked up with amendments that gave too many people rights they didn’t even earn or deserve, like the right to vote. Look where that’s gotten us.

• White men are the new minority. White men are endangered, having to fend off reverse racism at every turn. With a Black president, who knows what could happen to the Supreme Court and every other sacred institution? Under our unwritten quota system, every vacancy sets off a bean-counting frenzy. Now, anyone and their cousin with dark skin or limited testosterone is instantly qualified for a seat on the Supreme Court. That’s why this nomination fight is the new ground zero of Pat Buchanan’s prophetic “culture war.” And it may well become the frontline of the war on terror. For it’s not just the survival of white men at stake, but the sanctity of our entire social order.

-----

In case you didn’t get the memo, the bottom line is that we all just need to be color-blind, and gender-blind. Except when a woman of color gets nominated to the Supreme Court.

I went to First Friday today, an arts oriented event that happens in Downtown Honolulu, and there are so many white people that come to these events.  I felt like I was back in LA - its like an indescribable racial frustration I feel, reading too much into the white people that decide to walk slowly in front of me and then stop to watch while I'm watching a performance, or do other similarly seemingly rude things.  It'll sound ridiculous to a lot of you, but I'm just programmed that way.

I am going to have such a hard time when I have to move back home - to the swarms of white people, everywhere.

If I could, I would jam an enormous red pill down every one of those racist conservative throats. Especially the white ones. 

A new month

Time sure is flying by.  I can't believe it is already June and I have been in Hawai'i for about 10 months now.

Lots has happened, a Maui trip this past weekend in particular, and I saw Drag Me To Hell tonight.  Crazy movie, very Sam Raimi, left me pretty exhausted emotionally.  It is a stressful movie, but in a good way, as strange as that may sound.  Just see it, you'll see what I mean.

The trip to Maui was pretty amazing - I have to admit, I was kind of excited about just taking the trip, but I had no idea what a blast it would turn out to be.

We watched the sun rise out at Haleakala, got sunned out at Ka'anapali Beach in incredibly hot weather, and had the most fun drunk night ever.  Oh beer pong, how I had missed you.

Some pictures to share!

The sunrise went from this:

To this:

And finally to this:

It was pretty breathtaking to watch, and I think the most fun thing was just being with all of these great people.  Yes, we drove out there ridic early and slept in the car til 4:30 am to watch this, but really, so worth it.

Yeah, I know, the finger.  But it's such a great group picture.  As for the night, one picture pretty much sums it all up.

Let's just say: alcohol, temporary tattoos, and way too much fun.  I'll leave the rest to your imagination.  I still laugh when I think about some of these pictures we took that night.  You can see the rest of the trip here.  On facebook, though.

Am done with the Kaimuki kids, we finished off our class with an amazing experience participating in the Lantern Floating Festival that happens every Memorial Day, out at Ala Moana Beach Park.  Here are a few pics:

Above, my students with the lanterns they had made on a previous day.  There are candles inside to be lit.  Each lantern has names of people previously passed, written onto them by various folks and families.  I put the names of my paternal grandparents on one of thousands of lanterns that were floated that night.

I know its a blurry picture, but it was really the best one of my students could take before my camera battery died.  Bummer, but as you can imagine the spectacle was really beautiful.  That, and it was a great last bonding experience with the kids.  I'll miss it it later I know, but I like to be able to remember it positively like this.  It was an unexpected learning experience for sure, being their teacher, and I am so appreciative to have had the opportunity to do it.

Anyhow, that's all I've got for now.  Life here right now is just so wonderful, and I know I'm going to miss it all so badly when I have to move back home in March.  Living it up, while I can!  Yays.

Just more cat.

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Lantern floating today, that should be interesting if not totally fun.  Hopefully the kids will enjoy it.

Happy Mem Day.

Vogue Fail

I know this was up somewhere before, but RACIST MUCH, VOGUE?  yeesh.

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I don't care if he "knew" what he was posing for, the implications and insinuations of this picture are clear.  

It will never end, will it?

And then, just to lighten the mood, this, just because:

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Malcolm X and Yuri Kochiyama - Happy Birthday yesterday

May 19 - the day 2 great people were born (though 4 years apart - Yuri Kochiyama turned 88, Malcolm X would have been 84).  I found this on RaceWire and it was so inspiring. It's just about Malcolm X, one of my heroes of all time. Written by Grace Lee Boggs (amazing!!), but posted from the site noted.

via www.adriennemareebrown.net/blog

yesterday was malcolm x’s 84th birthday. happy birthday el-hajj malik el-shabazz. here’s a wonderful post from grace lee boggs on knowing malcolm.

today i’ve been thinking about the violence of last night here in Oakland, and the lessons of malcolm’s life. at one point in his life, malcolm, aka detroit red, was engaged in a violent, survival-based life. he was doing cocaine, robbing rich people, menacing society, and shaming himself and his people.

the brother who committed this violent, awful crime last night is someone who has the potential of malcolm x within him. every single person who engages in desperate, violent acts, has that potential. for malcolm, it took going to prison, discovering god and humility, feeling the call to greatness and the power of words and service that was waiting in the wings of his life, finding himself and staying true to himself. his life was so short and so powerful, and it focused around this pivot to greatness. what would it take for the perpetrator of last night’s violence?

because i actually would go so far as to say that malcolm’s greatness came from the depths to which he had sunk. that is why his story stays with us, that is why we read his autobiography and then recommend it to people we love. that is why he was was our “manhood”, our “black shining prince”. because he was not just the story of a clean, neat life; doing the right things and succeeding personally. his was the story of vulnerability and impact - only by being vulnerable to his circumstances and his need for something greater could he transform into malcolm x. and only by being impacted could he know the full story of humanity - impacted by the place and time and people to which he was born; impacted by the circumstances of slavery and racism; impacted by desperation and ego; impacted by love, by god, by community.

the places he reached in the hearts and minds of those who heard him and followed were deep, and dark. the places where we hate ourselves, and believe we are inferior; the places where we believe we deserve no better. he used humor, ridicule and rhetoric to slip past the walls that surround the black community and say this tiny life of mental slavery and prison is not the way for us. we are a great people. we have to unshackle ourselves, and then love each other enough to free our greater selves - the community.

and that could have been enough. but at the end of his short life, when he could have chosen a road of limited but stable success, he humbled himself even more, he made himself even more vulnerable. he opened his heart to the people he had only ever thought of as his enemy, and saw that they too were human, were struggling, were creatures of deep spiritual potential.

i hold malcolm x in my mind’s eye when i think of what happened last night. i send my heart out to the little woman i held yesterday, and then send it out the further, harder journey to the man who beat her. i meditate on the humanity within him, the divine spark that he is holding, however deep down.

i hold malcolm x in my heart when i think of all of us, sitting with this unparalleled potential to love, restore, heal, grow and learn, pushing that part of ourselves down under layers of bitterness, sarcasm, hate, distrust, fear and even strategy.

can we reach out to those engaged in vastly different strategies than ourselves and ask to learn? can we travel outside of our comfort zones to grow our hearts? can we humble ourselves to the divine power so much greater than our individual needs that it can provide enough for everyone?

are we vulnerable enough to surrender? whether it is to forgiveness, or to greatness?

happy birthday, el-hajj malik el-shabazz. you humbled us all.

Get Real

This will be brief because I'm not in much of a long-entry kind of mood, but I heard an incredibly sexist comment come out of a male in his late-20s today.  As Andy said, "I didn't think they made them like that anymore." 

Something about how a woman needs to cook a man his dinner when he gets home, and the way it was said?  It was bad.

Seriously, fuck that.  

You don't even have to be incredibly self-aware to know that's a ridiculous comment to make, even half-serious.  Get a life, and learn how to respect women.  Shit like this makes me so angry sometimes!

Not just humans (hoomins?)

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I'm like becoming the cat lady.

Cutesies

Got to watch concert footage today, so that was way fun.  It was in lieu of the last half hour or so of practice, a good chill night.

Went into the prison 4 times this week, only to discover all 4 times that they were on lockdown. Apparently things are "out of control" out at the Hawaii Youth Correctional Facility (read: lots and lots of fighting).  Anyhow, we saw a few clients today anyway, but had to go up to their module to work with them (instead of having them meet us in a room in the central area of the facility).  They've been locked up in cells for days now without much relief from their cages, so they were glad to be let out for a little while.

I've been working mostly with the boys, since the girls' side is so much smaller and are in very different situations (i.e. not so long-term), and it's interesting being a woman and teaching them this class.  It's a very gender heavy situation, what with them relating to Andy because he's such a cool and comfortable guy, and them relating to me because, well, I'm a female.  That, and we can both get them in a good job setup after they leave.

It's just been an interesting situation, discovering what the gender dynamics are like on both sides (girls' side, boys' side) and seeing how that really affects that overall environment of the facility.  The boys' side is very male dominated, with prison guards pretty much dictating everything that should happen and being very macho about their responsibilities (the perfect spot for exercising your male privilege, if you will), whereas the girls' side is much more laid back and everyone just seems to be much nicer, generally speaking.  There are, of course, more female guards also, though the head supervisor there is a man.

I dunno, those thoughts were much more drawn out than I had originally intended.

I really just wanted to blog to post this:

Also can be found here, this pic and MORE on the site.

I found it off of Lynne's gchat message and I can't get enough cuteness now.

And then, this.

hahahaha

Okay scratch that last post, NOW my life is complete.

I thanked AAM via email for posting about Count Me In, and this was his response:

Candice,

Had to do it. You guys rock. And that photo of you? AWESOME.

Phil
angryasianman.com


Hear that APC!? YOU ROCK! YAY!!

I think my life is complete.

Angry Asian Man - 30 Most Influential Under 30: Count Me In

It's Hot in herrrrre

I got bitten at taiko practice yesterday, not once, not twice, but like 8 times.

And now my legs look tumor-ridden, these bites have gotten so HUGE. I had to walk outside like this today. Hope the cortisone helps.

Watch Star Trek, it's the shit, foreal. Diversity win! (not only racially, but Spock is a HAPA FRIEND!) There could be more women, though. That was a serious thought mid-movie.

Watching Danny DeVito on Inside the Actors Studio. Brilliant.

Lolcat of the day.


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Happy Mother's Day

Pics!

Since I never post pics, here are some randoms.

Kelsey's beautiful new tattoo, courtesy of Hart and Huntington's, the Hawai'i version.  It was such a great experience to sit through that with her, and it definitely inspired me to maybe, someday, get one of my own.  Whether or not that will actually happen is anyone's guess.  But this was great, and I hope she's excited as I am that it came out so amazing.

I really never go to the beach on my own, but with Kelsey around we had plenty of tanning and bonding time.  I'm a nice few shades darker because of it.  Good times.

From concert day!  The month of April, during the concert experience, was the most stressful, tiring, and still great taiko-related month I have ever had to go through.  The concert is really the reason I got so sick, but I think it was worth it.  I'm glad though, these things only happen once a year.  I can see it's FOR A REASON.  Anyway here, with Courtney, Kelsey and Cara.  Wonderful.

The rest of the taiko posse: roomie Maki, Greg, and Emi, celebrating my birthday, belatedly, at D&Bs.  It was seriously the most fun Monday night ever.  Lots of playing and laughing and eating and drinking.  We won so many tickets that night!!  Okay.  One last one.

So a la Scott Chan, hahahaha a drawing.  But it's not community or thought related at all.  This is from a book Megumi gave me called "Do You Doodle?" and it is seriously the best invention ever.  After a stressful day I can come home and draw random stuff to prompts like "Decorate the room for a party" or "There was an old lady who swallowed a..." and there are pictures like the above one to help set the stage.  

Okay so now I remember why I never post pictures.  It takes so. damn. long.  

Sleep time!

Loopies

Spent the afternoon reading other people's love letters whilst sick in bed.

Or, well, I wish that were completely true. Make that - had to drag my sick butt to work today, go help out with a taiko thing, and then walk my light headed self back home for a good mile.

And in between I read those love letters, and now I'm home in bed, finally, to try and get better before the weekend.

I got this "Other People's Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See" book as a birthday gift from a girlfriend. Enjoying it thorougly, though it reminds me of every relationship I've been in.

I guess love themes are the same. The love, the hate, the guilt.

I've had the kind where you feel bad for treating the other person badly, but you really just didn't know how to say "no" and be completely honest with the other person and yourself. Or the one where you hate the other person for not trying enough. Or the one you always had to support and encourage because he didn't feel confident enough about himself, like ever. Or the one you could just never forget no matter how hard you've tried.

I've stayed angry for so long at my last relationship victim, when little by little, I guess as I grow, I realize I was probably just as much at fault as he was. So despite all the love and all the anger, I guess I'm really just sorry for everything. It's just easier to blame the other person when you've been through so much hurt.

It's been a while since I've been sick like this, and even though it sucks, I feel like I get sick when my body really just needs a break. So times like this I just feel relieved. It's exactly the excuse I need to stay in bed and sleep for hours on end without feeling too badly about it. As long as I don't get a fever I won't worry about swine flu.

Still, I try and wash my hands before touching people or people's things.

Back to my letters.

Care for a Quickie?

- THE CONCERT IS DONE!! It was great and friends came and I was so happy. I got so many leis the rest of the team thought I was popular. Not popular, just lucky. Also super unbelievably exhausted, even after the day after (today). But at least the taiko insanity is briefly done. I am so happy I could sleep for the next week. Straight.

- My birthday was the shit. That last post sounded unbelievably self-centered but I did it in a hurry and I was really happy.

- I think I need to change blogs. I don't like that I have to be on a different account just to update my blog, because sometimes I do want to chat and update at the same time. I think the fact that I have to sign out of my regular account just to update deters me from updating more often.

- Just saw Maggie Gyllenhaal's Secretary movie, and it is the shit. Expect a lot of unconventional sexual themes, but I think that's what makes the flick so wonderful.

- Kelsey is leaving. Not only is she leaving, she's leaving me. But she's getting a tattoo first so I'm going to wake up early just to go with her. While she's doing that, I might as well update my own ear piercings. Add a few here and there, you know, that sort of thing.

- I had a revelation that I may be single for the rest of my life. By choice. And by Aya's inspirational comment, just adopt someday? Just a quick thought. Like all of these bullet points.

- Did I already mention Kelsey's leaving? Makes me sad. Ah well. Life goes on.

- I miss LA! In kind of a homesick way, but then not so much. It's just like, not being used to having been away for so long.

Happy Birthday to meeeee

More updates and pictures later, but thanks everyone for making this year so wonderful!!!! You know who you are, much love! <3

Taiko-Party it up

The month of April will be and so far has been so exciting because Kelsey Furuta is here. Like, seriously. That, and we have our Taiko Fest concert coming up on the 25th, and there's just so much work to be done. It'll be my first big performance with the Kenny Endo Taiko Ensemble.

But then, throw in work times 3 (teaching, taiko office, prison duties) plus a bajillion gigs in the next two weeks, and you get INSANITY. Absolute insanity, plus parties. You know, because Kelsey's back. AND it's t-minus 9 days before I become the big 2-3.

Three of us girlies went out to Level 4 last night, really the only significant clubbing experience you can get out here in Honolulu, and it was so much fun. After finding out I didn't have to volunteer out at the prison Saturday morning, Friday night had just gotten a whole lot more fun. I drank myself into oblivion, danced the night away with some random boy who was trying to ask me questions amid the blaring music (plus I was so far gone I had no idea what the hell he was saying to me), tipped the bathroom lady $5, and bonded with the two most amazing women on Oahu. I don't know what I would do without them, seriously.

Went to bed at 6 am, and have been recovering ever since I got out of bed. I admit, it's nice to have days like these sometimes.

Going out with taiko peeps later, that should be fun.

I got this awesome new book, called Golden Gulag, after Lisa Fu told me about this organization called Critical Resistance. Critical Resistance is an Oakland-based organization that is totally antiprison, and is all about getting rid of the PIC, understanding why California has turned to caging a disproportionate number of people of color, and working with prisoners' families to make sure these folks can get their loved ones out of the damn system. The founder of this organization wrote this book, and it's all about the growth of prisons in California, i.e. how the entire Prison Industrial Complex came to be, why it exists, and why prisons are completely detrimental to our society as a whole.

It's a great connection to the prison work I've been doing for the past few months, and also helps me think about how I might be able to continue that work when I leave here, although it would be in a very different way.

I did have thoughts though, about how reading this book might completely change my perspective on the work I do now with these kids, and maybe make me realize what's so messed up about the way things are done now. I mean, it's obvious that so many of these kids are just in and out of the system, not at all changing their behavior from age 11-18, hardly learning a thing about how to change their lives and turn things around. Plus, there's a lack of a long term support system for these kids. The state kinda just hands them over to a family member and everyone hopes for the best. And if they end up back in prison it's like, "Eh, oh well, that's where they belong anyway."

Pretty fucked up, right?

Anyhow, at least from a California perspective I think this book will give me what I need when it comes to background on the prison system, and fuel the fire when it comes to carrying out conversations with folks on this issue. I'm hoping it'll help me know what to talk about and how to discuss it if I'm ever put in that kind of a situation.

The world's been abuzz with that ridiculous situation with the Texas state rep. who made that blatantly racist comment about Asian names and then claimed "it's not about race." Seriously Brown, get a clue, and then educate your damn ignorant self.

OH, just had to say - did a taiko gig on Friday morning at Kawaii Kon - the Hawai'i equivalent of Cali's Anime Expo. It was the most unbelievably ridiculous thing EVER!! Just confirmed why I would never go to something like that. I just think the whole idea of that event is bizarre. It definitely commodifies Japanese culture in so many ways. I can't even believe we PLAYED TAIKO there. Just - shameful. So shameful.

Not to mention most of their "celebrities" signing autographs and speaking were white voice actors. I mean, REALLY!?